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In response to a question Darlene posted, Yana suggested I turn my response into a first blog post.

If you have visited my web site, you already know [Link Removed] ).

What is not included on my web site is how I found "the wonderful man who cherishes me for whom I am." I did that online. Besides being a bit of a computer geek, I work a lot of hours, so it just made the most sense for me.

It took over a year for me to find Michael. Along the way, I met a lot of men online. Here are the top 10 things I learned that I would pass on to anyone considering online dating:

10. Don't believe everything in his profile. It's only natural for all of us to point out our best attributes and to skip over our flaws. But some people outright lie (about their age, weight, income, education - you name it). Of course, be sure that you can’t be accused of the same thing (many men told me that a LOT of women either lie in their profiles or post very old photos).  

9. If you decide to meet someone, go in with the expectation that he is NOT going to be the right one. If you do, not only will you not be disappointed, but you will also be a lot more comfortable. Plan on meeting a LOT of “Mr. Not Rights.” About the time you think you won’t EVER meet the right man, he’ll come walking through the door.

8. If you do find a man who seems to be what you're looking for, TAKE IT SLOW. Make him chase you. No matter how comfortable it feels, don't call him - don't email him - don't be available every time he asks you out - let his call go to voice mail every now and then. Trust me, if you don't let him chase you, he'll be gone in a heartbeat. One way to help you slow down is to continue dating and meeting other men. I was steadily dating 2 other men for the first several months Michael and I were dating and I continued meeting new ones (I juggled as many as 5 at a time). They all knew I was dating others - as were they - no deceit. We just kept it casual and fun as we got to know each other better. Of course, you can’t say “I can’t go out on Friday because I have another date” - instead, just say “Friday’s not good for me” and leave it at that. Even if you DON‘T have another date, he will assume you do. For some reason, men seem to prefer dating those they have to compete for.

7. Don't reveal your flaws too early, but be sure to look for his starting with the first date. Major flaws will leave clues. Does he have a lot of negative things to say about his ex? Is he rude to the wait staff at the restaurant? Does he drink too much? Does he fail to make eye contact when you're talking? Does he LET you do some of the talking, but also contribute at least 50% to the discussion? Does he always call the shots, or is he willing to let you suggest things to do? Things like this are good "tells" about his real personality.

6. Obviously, take the recommended precautions about online dating (the web sites provide lists of dos and don'ts).

5. Don't take rejection personally. It's easy to get your feelings hurt if you think things went well, but he never calls you back. I would suggest reading the book [Link Removed] (Amazon link). The book goes into a lot better detail than the movie by the same name. The RIGHT man WILL be "into you" - forget about all those who are not.

4. Don't be afraid to be the one who does the rejecting. After meeting, it's a lot easier to send a quick email that says "I enjoyed meeting you, but I didn't really feel like things clicked" than it is to get a phone call later asking for another date and have to try to get out of it. Most of the time, you won’t even get a response (they just go on to the next woman). Sometimes, you’ll get an uncomfortable email in response - maybe even vicious. Just ignore it. He had his feelings hurt - he’ll get over it.

3. Never, ever forget that there are some psychos out there. If your gut tells you something's not right, listen to it - no matter how attractive, successful, charming, rich, etc. he may be.

2. ALWAYS offer to pay half of the check at your first meeting (or all of it). Any real gentleman wouldn't even consider accepting, but how he handles it will tell you a lot about him. (I learned this one the hard way -  after rejecting one man, he sent me a scathing email for not offering to pay for my $7 sandwich).

And my #1 suggestion? DO NOT SETTLE!!! I followed the Dr. Phil advice and actually wrote out a list of all the things I was looking for. The book is called [Link Removed] (Amazon link). He suggests that we create a list of the things we cannot tolerate in a man; a list of things we must have in a man; and a list of things we would like-to-have in a man. The Must-Haves and the Must-Not-Haves are the deal-breakers (for example, I would not date someone who smokes or has a drinking problem). Run from those who have these qualities. Then, look for someone who has at least 80 percent of your "like-to-have" list. NO ONE is going to be 100 percent perfect, so forget about finding him. (If you DID find someone you considered perfect, he would constantly make you feel inferior anyway, so why would you want that ?)  

Most importantly...HAVE FUN! Women who are relaxed, confident and full of laughter and joy are far more attractive than those who are scared, hesitant or still mad at their ex.

Best of luck!


Tensdiet, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Aug 2, 2009
    • I have a question/situation. What can be said about the guy who wants you to use your webcam inappropriately?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tammy Slater-Kendrick wrote Aug 3, 2009
    • What? Is he 15? Ditch him immediately! There are a LOT of predators who use dating sites just looking for sex - whether it’s actual physical sex, online sex chat or webcams. If that’s your thing, fine - but if you‘re looking for a relationship, it will NEVER happen with a guy like that. I wouldn’t even bother with a response, just ignore him and he’ll eventually go away.



            Report  Reply


    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Aug 3, 2009
    • I kind of thought that too.



            Report  Reply


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