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I’m looking for advice on a situation with a toxic friend.
She’s 47 yrs old, on perm disability(migraines) and living with a toxic family. Like alot of people these days, she was forced to move in with family after a divorce in 2004 and the subsequent downfall of the economy.
She is trying to move away from them and wants us to get a place together but she has limited financial resources and no motivation or plans to do anything with her life.
Her family and myself included don’t think she is disabled to the point of not being able to work (although I have‘nt voiced that to her).
I have been supportive the best I can given my situation (unemployed myself and trying to get my life back on track)but I don’t want to live with her and frankly I have been avoiding her to some extent as she is very draining. I want to continue our friendship but don’t know what to do at this point. Any and all suggestions/advice welcome!



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Oct 1, 2009
    • I don’t think the meaning of friendship also includes having to live with a life vampire. Personally I try to limit my time spent with those who literally suck the life out of me. So I can’t even imagine living with one.

      If it was me I would tell my friend that I am not in a position to live with anyone.  

      Good Luck!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Ladydi45 wrote Oct 1, 2009
    • Hi Vikki,
      Glad to have you as a friend and thanks for your thoughts.
      You‘re right on all accounts. For some reason I seem to be a magnet for toxic people...maybe because I am such a good listener and think I give sound advice.
      I just got out of a bad marriage where the toxic mother-in-law lived with us...what a nightmare.
      I guess it’s a matter of strengthening and defining boundries better and being more cautious of getting into situations/relationships with these types of people.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anne E wrote Oct 1, 2009
    • Definitely don’t move in with the toxic friend.  You deserve better!  A lot of people go through rough times when they especially need a friend, but it sounds like your friend doesn’t balance out her rough times with good times.  She is too draining to spend too much time with.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Deb Link wrote Oct 1, 2009
    • I think that honesty is best here...not brutal honesty however.  We can never truly know what someones pain in life is unless we walk in their shoes so perhaps that part of the equation is a judgement.  None-the-less you already know in your heart that living together is not right for YOU!  And for your own health, happiness and productiveness you just have to let her know that.  Hopefully she will accept this and continue with your friendship.  You have a great gift of lending an ear to those who need it...just try not to let yourself get drawn in where it harms you.



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