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Some of you may remember my tirade last week about my teenage daughter smoking.  I was so angry I couldn’t focus or even deal with it.

Well, I’ve calmed down now, but I’m still not going to put up with this new developement.

If that kid is going to smoke, it’s going to cost her dearly and she’s going to learn some lessons along the way.

The day I found the cigs in her purse, I took them.  It was almost a full pack. This morning her sister took the ones she found and ran them over with her car.

When I went over there to feed my chickens, I saw two packs of camels on the front seat of Gracie’s car.  I took those.  

 And no, she didn’t have her car locked.  That’s another thing, she buys a $20,000 sports car, that I co-signed for, and she doesn’t even lock it???  We are a small town with about a zero crime rate, but still.....

Anyway, my plan is to just keep stealing her cigarettes until she decides it’s too expensive to smoke.  Might not be the best plan in the world, but at the moment, that and the silent treatment are all I’ve got.  

Anyone got any suggestions?

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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Jan 18, 2012
    • I wish I could help..... But my daughters and one of nieces smoke even tho they seen the effects on other smokers.....



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Jan 18, 2012
    • Yeah, this idiot child has even seen how incredibly old and leathery it makes her friend’s moms look (they‘re all younger than me and look older) and she still chooses to do it.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Jan 18, 2012
    • How about the illnesses?  

      My niece has asthma yet still smokes, my mom died of lung ! My aunt died of emphysema...... I could go on......



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Jan 18, 2012
    • Oh, yes, the illnesses.  Her dad’s grandparents both died horrible lung cancer deaths, my dad has emphasima from years of pack or more a day smoking.....  all my kids have had the lectures, they hear it at home, at health class in school....

      How can they be so STUPID????



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Nathalie Girard wrote Jan 18, 2012
    • Did you sit down with her and asked her why she smokes? Obviously she knows it is bad for her health, so why does she feel the need to do it? She must feel she gains something, at least on an unconscious level. How long has she been smoking? How old is she?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Jan 18, 2012
    • She’s 19.  Not sure how long she’s been smoking.  I expect that until recently it was just one of those things kids do when they are out partying.  It just seems to have become a regular thing when the new boyfriend came on the scene.  

      She takes great pride in being the rebel and the black sheep and the wild child.  Smoking fits right in with that image.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Jan 18, 2012
    • LOL thats funny stealing her smokes lol, well I can’t give any advice on what to do either neither of my girls smoke and I quit yeeeeeeeeeeeears ago, but as you have said she will get tired of buying them if they keep getting stolen from her lol thats too funny but I do hope something will spark in her to make her want to stop smoking. Good luck my friend. hearthappy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Jan 18, 2012
    • Thanks Neicy. heart



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      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Jan 18, 2012
    • Who pays for her health insurance? If it’s you, I’d make her get her own policy. I think, also, that since you co signed for the car, you‘re part owner of it and have every right to make the rule - no smoking in the car or she’s going to have to pay for it herself and take you off the loan papers. I guess what I’m saying is, make it as difficult as you can to have her as a smoker in your presence.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Nathalie Girard wrote Jan 18, 2012
    • I am just wondering that if she takes pride in being the rebel, won’t just taking her cigarettes away inforce the feeling of being the black sheep? If she’s looking for ways to confront you and measure up her independance, you are giving her exactly what she is looking for, therefore this will make her want to smoke even more. If she wants to be treated like an adult, then she needs to understand that she is responsable for her choices. You cannot make thoses choices for her. Therefore, I would sit down with her, tell her how much it hurts you to see her throwing her health away but since she is all grown up you will respect her decision. You can tell her what is acceptable for you in your house(no smoking in or around the house for example) then let it go and see how she reacts.

      I do not know your daughter and as her mother, you know best. I am not a mom myself but have worked more than 10 years with severe behaviour problem teenagers. No matter how you choose to deal with it, I’m sure you will make the right choice for you and your daughter. Love is the most important thing afterall and obviously you care very much for her. good luck and have a great day!



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Jan 19, 2012
    • Thanks for the good advice ladies.  I appreciate everyone’s thoughts on this.  

      Cynthia, I have no financial control over her.  She pays her own health insurance and she pays for the car herself. She rents a room from her sister and still has plenty of money left over to just -spend!

      I don’t think she would ever have the nerve to light up in front of me or the family.  She knows how violently opposed we all are to smoking.  

      Next time she comes dragging her laundry over here, I guess it’s time for a sit down chat where mom stays CALM.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Butterflyrose wrote Jan 20, 2012
    • Tulip, being pro-active in your daughter’s life hopefully will  take an affect and cause her to think about the path she’s taking with her health.

      You must be so proud of her for being financially stable and standing on her own two feet at 19! Cheering and praising her for being an adult!happyheart

      My best wishes are extended as you help your daughter!heart

      An act of kindness is a gift given
      Butterflyrose

      #enjoylifeheart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Jan 21, 2012
    • That is a tough one, as about one year ago I happened to find cigars in son’s vehicle..I was pissed.  His dad and I voiced our feelings about it and he knows his grand-dad has COPD after years of smoking cigs and a pipe.

      Interestingly, you mentioned about the boyfriend coming on the scene...other people are such an influence in our kid’s lives, and since our son is not hanging around his friend who smoked the cigars, he decided not to do it anymore...not to mention the fact he is in school and learning about nutrition.

      Something could happen to make your daughter stop for good, and that may have to be what ends the dirty habit.

      Wish you much luck as you continue to discourage her.

      heart



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Jan 21, 2012
    • Thanks for the encouragment Mary!

      We did have a chat yesterday and I told her I was very surprised that her Grandma Harriet hadn’t risen up out of the grave to haunt her.  she just grinned at me and said, “Oh, I’ll bet that’s what I’ve been hearing at night.”    

      She’s incorrigible.  But I did once again mention all the health issues, and the way it makes women’s skin wrinkle, etc etc etc.  I got a shrug and an eye roll, but maybe it will sink in eventually.  Her smokes will continue to vanish any time I see them.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Jan 23, 2012
    • TL...this is my best advice..and something I have learned going to Al-Anon meetings.

      You only have control over yourself...no one else.  You can’t make her quit anymore than she can make you stop doing something or start doing something.  WE are in charge of our own self.  If she chooses to smoke then SHE will be the one to reap or suffer the consequences.  It’s very hard to watch our loved ones make bad choices but....when we learn to detach from them “with love“...then YOU will be the one that will be healthier and not driving yourself nuts.  I would not throw her cigarettes away unless you want to say..I co-signed for this car for you and if I find cigs in the car that I co-signed for you then I will throw them out.  Or really you don’t even have to say that...just do it but that needs to be your justification of throwing them away..not that you are trying to control her smoking..because you can’t.  

      Set your boundaries....take care of YOU...and don’t get into her business.  I know that sounds blunt but we talked about this very thing Saturday at a meeting.  WE all need to quit getting into other people’s business.  If they CHOOSE to make BAD CHOICES..then that is what they choose. Sometimes people have to learn lessons in life the hard way.  My son is a perfect example of that.  

      And I wouldn’t talk to her anymore about it....but certainly do not enable her.  The more you say the more she will do it.  That’s my two cents worth...estatic



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