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When I coach women who struggle with their new life after divorce I often hear ‘I’ll try‘, after I give them a coaching suggestion.  I almost always respond with “We Do! We Don't Try!“.

This is my variation of that great quote from the Jedi Master Yoda “Do or do not; there is No Try“.  His message is quite simple, make a decision, commit and move forward.

When we “Try“, we are giving a new experience, or suggestion, a half-hearted attempt to work in our lives.  It’s almost as if we give up before we've even started.

So, let me give you some tough love here.   If you want to move forward from divorce into joyful living, you MUST DO, not try.

Try is not an option; let me explain why.

Post-Divorce transition is not about trying to live a new life; it is about Living a New Life.  It's about intentionally taking action in order to do something differently in your life.  When your life is changing there is a period of time when it will feel different; do not confuse different with being bad.  Different means that you‘re learning to respond to situations in a manner you‘re not used to, and it just takes some time before different becomes your new normal.

My experience is that women who are going through the emotional divorce roller coaster get through the experience quicker, and more successfully, if they seek guidance from another woman who has been through it, and has personally grown from the experience.

Whether this woman is a coach, good friend or a mentor does not matter.  What is important is that you want the peace, serenity and happiness that the other woman has; and you are willing to do what it takes to get it.  This doesn’t mean you’ll try; this means you WILL DO what it takes.

Going through my own divorce experience, the woman I sought guidance from asked me to read a meditation each morning to quiet my mind.  My first thought was 'This woman is nuts', I don’t have time, nor the desire, to sit in a lotus position and hmmmm for 20 minutes.

She bought me a daily meditation book and simply asked that during my morning routine I read that day’s meditation and just think about it for 5 minutes.  I wanted the peace and serenity she had in her life so I did what was asked.  The first few weeks it felt so awkward to read, then close my eyes and think.  Thinking was the toughest part since my mind was racing off to things I needed to get done that day.

But, I stuck with it and here I am 9 years later still doing morning meditations.  She was right, it did quiet my mind and I look forward to my little meditation every morning.

We all, at any point in our day, have the choice to Try to do something, or give it our whole-hearted effort.  Me, I’ve learned I’m either ‘in the game’ or out.  For me the Nike slogan sums it up the best:  ‘Just Do It!’

What have you found works best for you?




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