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I guess I should have written “Non-motivation” in the subject line.
Ok you guys, I must be some kind of a wreck. I just totally got ready to go out with my friends, did my hair, put my face on & put together a damn cute outfit. Lucky jeans, black ltd blouse with a black bustier over it & stiletto boots~ looks great. I should FEEL great. But, I don’t. We got about 6 blocks away from my house & I had my friend turn the car around & drop me back off. (Yes, I apologized/explained I wasn’t feeling up to this & they are still all going so I didn’t ruin anyone else’s night.) I don’t want to shoot PR pics tonight or hang out in a club or be around people that are drinking & I’m not in the mood to babysit after club hours when I’m the only one who’ll be capable of driving all the way back here. I have too much on my mind re layoff, car issue, bills, BLAH BLAH & more BLAH. Yet at the same time, right at this moment, there is nothing I can do about it besides sit here & brainstorm MORE until I’m MORE drained & attempt to figure out this months-on-end long problem plethora.
I don’t have family who can assist me with this.
Advice is more than welcome. I feel like everything has just bottomed out & I’m not enjoying it. I didn’t really know where else to blog this or talk about it. I am frustrated. I am usually much stronger than this and I can usually solve anything quickly. Right now, it’s rough, lonely to a point and I don’t like this feeling of not knowing what I am going to do about all of it. How does one not know which direction to turn in or what they‘re doing or not doing with their own future?
I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m freaking out here~ I guess I sort of am...
Advice is welcome.
As for tonight, what a waste of a great outfit! GRRRRRRR!



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 6, 2008
    • Could this also have to do the holidays and such?
      I know that the holidays can be a downer at times also.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Dec 6, 2008
    • Maybe.. Not too much though~



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mz. Queen wrote Dec 6, 2008
    • Dear Jennifer,

        What I would suggest at this point is that you just keep talking, because I believe that you will get your solution just as soon as you release. There are many things to consider and like mztracy says holidays bring about a variety of emotions for everyone.

        We, your sisters at FAB40 are here for you.

      much love
      47



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Dec 6, 2008
    • THANK YOU.
      (I know I should not, but I’m having a cigarette & a cappucino as I reply to you outstanding people.)
      Teeky, I fully agree with the laws of attraction concept. Thank you. It is something I believe in and has gotten me through some pretty tough days/nights. Positive thoughts & actions bring the feelings & results accordingly. I think today I just “ran out of gas” so to speak. I am taking this night to chill & revamp that in my mind & will become very conscious of practicing it more.
      Beach~ Of COURSE you can borrow this!! lol
      PR tonight wasn't paid. I just do that a few times a week to blast business cards out everywhere & bands usually book from it. I am kickin myself for this a little though i know those guys & would have gotten myself a gig or 2 from it. Tonight, it's just not happening. I thought I'd call them within the next few days to makeup for what I missed tonight for myself. If it were a paying gig I'd have been there hours ago regardless of my emotional crash tonight. I probably should have made myself go anyway. I don't know
      That’s cool that your friend was understanding when the “I can’t do this tonight” happened. :)
      And you know what? You‘re so right~ I don’t belong here. People have said that to me before. “You don’t fit in here.” I was like, “THANK YOU!” I believe that & to me it’s a good thing.
      There's a song a bit more on the christian/acoustic side "My place in this world" ~Holy **! That hit it on the head...
      Thanks for being here for me you guys. It means everything. I’d rather be doing this right now than hangin in a club somewhere. “Liquorsuites” is a cool place, but, THIS is cooler. Many hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      Mz Tracy, the holidays may have something to do with it a bit too, becasue I’ll just put it this way~ They won’t be the way they should be.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 6, 2008
    • I know that finances can cause serious mental things. The need to be alone, not to have to answer questions to anyone, not feeling bad about spending a dime.  

      We are gearing up for an actors strike which will cause my hubz to be laid off. Greedy bastards!tongue out

      But, what teek said does help. I do know that being positive is not an easy thing to do. I am one of those that wants results right now!! And that does not always happen.

      Take a nice bath, light some candles, and just try and relax.  

      Promise me that next time you will go out and wear that wicked outfit. I can then live vicariously through you!!estatic

      BTW, love your pic!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Feathermaye wrote Dec 6, 2008
    • jenz, I don’t know a lot about what you‘re going through, but it sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate right now!

      Have you tried putting it all to paper, in the order of importance/relevance that it should all get accomplished? Sometimes even the simplest tasks help to clear our minds and redirect our energies.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Dec 6, 2008
    • I’m glued to this page tonight. Thanks for every word.
      It’s very appreciated.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Dec 6, 2008
    • I am committed to doing this Teeky. Very serious about it. I thank you kindly, all of you, for being here. :)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Dec 6, 2008
    • that song, my place in this world, is so awesome!!!  

      Jenz when i look at you, i see such beauty outside. When I read your blogs, i see the beauty inside too. Just wanted to tell you that!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linda Hendricks wrote Dec 7, 2008
    • First off... lucky jeans??? I want a pair...

      Secondly...Been there... done that...  

      Thirdly... I agree a positive attitude helps... but had you forced yourself to go out into a situation that just wasn’t for your frame of mind at that moment ... it would have been hell

      Concentrate on things that make YOU feel good... a bubble bath... lighting candles..having a glass of wine.. reading a book (trashy, self help, non-fiction...whatever you feel like)... watching a dopey sitcom from the eighties... Cooking estatic.... just make sure it trips your trigger... it will help get you over the hump

      I’m here for you... you know that



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Coachmombabe wrote Dec 7, 2008
    • I know that song, My Place in This World, Michael W. Smith. Yes, good song.

      You know, this may sound contrary, but I think funks can be useful. If you don’t allow yourself to stay negative, they can be very revealing. And sometimes they can help us get perspective of what is truly important in our lives.  

      Sometimes our spirit knows it’s time for a path to diverge, but it can be a time of grieving as well. Change is good, but it’s also loss.  

      If this is what you are experiencing, just get quiet and ask some deeper questions. Don’t hurry the process, you might miss an important revelation. Does this make any sense?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jacquie6363 wrote Dec 7, 2008
    • Jenz, I concur with all the previous good advise.  Claim the positivity and work with it.  As previously noted, the time of year usually bring a sadness when money is not as plentiful, but hey, when the holidays are over, many will be faced with big astronomical bills and you will be debt free.  Don’t forget God is at the helm and with him all things are possible.  Seek him and he will bring you through this dark hour.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jacquie6363 wrote Dec 7, 2008
    • teeky, yes my dear friend, been there done that and knowing that we alone can change the situation.  Change it by leaning on God, taking sound advise and incorporate it into our thoughts and actions.  Oh yes, it is such a pleasure to be able to pass it on, knowing that we are speaking from the heart and not on hearsay..



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Dec 7, 2008
    • Hi ladies.
      Coach~ it does make sense. All of that. When all of this 1st started happening, I made it a point to spend an hour or two each night in silence (I know it may sound wierd)
      in order to get some clarity, identify how I was feeling, cry, whatever. Just to be ‘still’ so I could help the process as much as possible if that makes sense.
      No TV, No music, just quiet. So much was happening & these changes were/are big, so I found that necessary to do. I don't believe in covering up feelings & circumstances, or avoiding dealing with them head on there isn't a point to doing that because sooner or later, it's still going to be there. This is life. I've just never seen this happen before it's quite heavy. Sometimes, facing big things head on can be brutal, but, it's faster than avoidance & it works if one can handle it. I can.
      I’m frustrated by not being able to turn to family over this as well. To me, that’s wacked.
      I’m sure there has been some grieving going on quite a bit during this past year. I ‘relived’ quite a few things when the ex would not stop contacting me. I’ve seen to it that this is now not possible. Email address changes, phn # etc. It has helped alot. There are choices to be made here each day with this. Choose to be in self pity~ that’s easy but never helps. When I feel like that, I shake it off & count some blessings.
      Sadness, Anger, Anxiety~that one’s a real party lol, to feeling alright yet still constantly trying to figure it all out. WOW.... Trying to get and stay focused on the right & smart things to do to make things better. Doing that by yourself can get pretty scary sometimes.
      I’ve made positive moves with this but need to do more. I need results. Job. Car now, Financial answers.. Whew!!!
      I feel like I’m rambling here..lol
      To all of you, please know I appreciate EVERY word that you say & that you take the time to be here.
      Finding this site was no coincidence.
      Nothing is.
      But this~ wow. I’m quite grateful.
      Thank you very much.
      I hope all of this makes sense....

      Many hugs!!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Dec 7, 2008
    • I’m with Teeky on this...someone gave me a plaque that said altitude is determined by attitude....I so believe that. But also know that when one door closes another opens. You just have to be receptive to walk thru it...
      We are here for you and so what what if you wasted a good outfit! You got me thinking about what hot outfit I would put together and that took my mind off my immediate worries.
      So thank you my friend!

      Many Blessings.....



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Dec 7, 2008
    • My place in this world (video)
      And no worries~ I’ve got a vision. :)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenni0811 wrote Dec 7, 2008
    • Jen ~ I just came on. Everyone had wonderful advice...especially that there is a mourning process to go through when change occurs. Keep one foot in front of the other and repeat: “I am a B.(Beauty)  

                                I. (In)  

                                T. (Total)  

                                C. (Control)  

                                H. (of Herself). ”
      No one or nothing can ever take that away from you.

      Put that outfit back on and we will get our downtown Milw. weekend planned!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Dec 7, 2008
    • LOL Vicki~ you‘re welcome.  

      Ladies, all of you, thank you so much for listening & responding with such great advice & meaningful words. It means so much to me.
      These are interesting times I'm receptive to solutions I just keep "opening up the doors & finding brick walls behind each one" so to speak.
      Maybe I need to “build a new door...” or move to where it is...

      Thank you for being here for me.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Dec 7, 2008
    • Let me know if you need help building a new door or breaking down one of those brick walls....



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Dec 7, 2008
    • S.O.S.!  :)
      OK~ HELP!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Dec 7, 2008
    • Thanks Jen lol   That’s cute.  

      ps~ Centanni here we come!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Dec 7, 2008
    • Let’s do it.... I have a sledge hammer and a drill or 2 around here.....



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Dec 7, 2008
    • Alright!!
      You‘re ON!! :)
      This is so great~  

      ps~ I just got a gig to shoot pics of horses out @ a boarding farm next Saturday. (Show horses) Horse photography pays very well. This is good. Networking.....



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Dec 7, 2008
    • Teeky~ I just saw your message & I hear you. I’d be honored to help someone else.
      I cannot imagine feeling like this & going through this type of time & not being able to share that because I’m to afraid to speak up for whatever reason. Fear does crazy things to people & finding someone to listen is pretty crucial. We cannot stuff these things.
      Ill take that assignment.
      And feel free to get spiritual. lol It DOES help and your wise words are a pleasure to read. Seriously~ very helpful my friend.



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