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Some friends of mine stoped by tonight, and told me i needed to sit down... as i sat listening, i was just mortified! a young man of 17 hanged himself saturday...i was just at a loss of what to say...

This young man comes from a troubled home.. his sister is my youngest daughters friend... this young man lived with his mom,stepdad, and his sister...

those childrens lives have not been the best, and im not going to get into all the bad detail... im just asking for prayer for the family.. for strength... for hope...

as i type this im just shaking my head... i will not ever understand suside...

thanks ladies...
L~



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 2, 2008
    • Suicide is never understandable linni..But some people, when they are in pain, ending it is the main focus...Regardless of how much pain they leave behind, they want THEIR pain to end..I am sorry to hear this and that it has touched your life...But remember, not everyone knows how to deal with life the way we think they should...Someone once told me that suicide was a selfish thing to do, but pain is pain and not everyone knows how to deal with it...and when you‘re hurting, honestly you‘re not thinking about anyone else but yourself...

      God Bless!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Nov 2, 2008
    • I understand for been there, done that.  Obviously, I did not succeed, for God told me He was NOT done with me yet.  First I will say depression is the key factor.  There are many types of depression: born with it or situational.  For the later one, it pops out because of sudden traumatic experience in one’s life, i.e. divorce, bankruptcy, loss of a loved one, illness, ...
      When I was depressed, I lost hope. My mind kept giving me the thought nothing would ever change. It would get even worst. My mind was heading a downward spin rapidly. My entire being was crying for help. However, sometimes, that cry was not preceived well or I did not send the SOS message out clearly either. Finally, I wanted the pain to end - NOW. Did I think of my loved ones around me? No, not really. My focus was on my pain and also I did not think rationally in the first place. “They would be alright.” was on my thought and I did not care. I became very self center at that point. So, first came the thought, then came the plan and the execution of the plan. Once I was in the planning stage, all I could focus was how to get a job well done and accomplished. I could not afford a half axe job - I would cause more pain and trouble. Which I trying to say is, when one is in the deeper end of the suicide thought, they pretty much want to do a great job - no turning back. Men usually uses weapons - the sooner the better. Women tended to be more gentle thus their choices are different.
      (I don’t even know if I should go on and if you like me to delete this message, please email me and I respect that.)
      That’s why the society wants to hospitalize those who have the thought plus some kind of planning.
      For the reader who is reading that, please do not under estimate one’s subtle voice of “I need help! Please stop my pain for me!’ Best is for that person not to be alone and make personal promise not to harm herself.
      When in doubt, call suicide hot line right away.



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      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 2, 2008
    • chinadoll...that was mighty courageous of you to share your story...thanks for that..know that you are not alone in what you went thru...(something that I, myself am not ready to blog about, just a few close to me know what I went thru)...I hope to have just as much courage as you have shown here..You are right though...you sink into this bottomless, black hole and the only way out, or so you think, is ending the pain...There is no understanding that unless you’ve been there...sorry linni...I know you can’t conceive of this and many can’t, but some can...I survived too...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Nov 2, 2008
    • Soulful you are right... when i was younger i had been through this with a friend who comitted susicide...he was in ALOT of pain, and just didn’t want to be alive..  

      i do know that the young man who did this the other night, had been drinking...and there is no turning back at that time!

      Chinadoll, no i do not want you to delete your post! your post can be the stepping stone to helping someone.. thank you for posting!

      Blessings to you Ladies!
      Linni



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      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Nov 2, 2008
    • hey soulful40, thanks for your comment.  I don’t announce that to everyone but I trust those who are here and will be here.

      It’s not how many times we fall, rather how many times we get up.

      I shared so other may understand.  Again, thanks for all you said.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 2, 2008
    • You are so right chinadoll...We fall down but we get up..right?..I thank God everyday for His grace and mercy because He could have let me die, but He chose me to live so that I can help others in any way He sees fit for me to...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Nov 2, 2008
    • Yes Soulful, there are days I cried out to Him and blamed Him for not letting me go (sounds silly), and yet there are days I actually appreciate every breath I take.  

      Girlfriend, high 5!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vanessa Conley wrote Nov 2, 2008
    • Hi everyone,

       I am new to this blogging, but here goes. This subject is so close to home. On October 30, 2002 my brother supposing killed himself. He was shot in the stomach, the back of the head, and the fatal shot was in the mouth. I have been working for AT&T all of these years and this is the first year without a job so the date actually affected me profoundly. I have thought of taking my life, but my selflessness keeps me here another. I really do not know why I am telling you this story. But I have to say on the behave of “Soulful40” she is very insightful. Some people do want to end their pain, but fail to think about others which I have done. So thank you ladies for bringing up a subject about someone else. To make me see that my decisions are the best decisions I can make for me and my family.



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      Linni wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • Hi Pepper...

       thank you for sharing something so personal.. do you think someone killed your brother, and it wasn’t suscide? i have been through that one too.. someone i went to school with, and you know, they are investigating it because as SURE as im typing this, i KNOW his wife shot him! she was a *(&^% to him, and anyone else...  

      We too are glad you are here pepper, and that you didn’t follow through! and i am glad you are here chinadoll! Soulful, you are an insightful woman! i LOVE that song by Bob Carlisle! ” We fall Down “!

      I thank you ladies for ALL your from the heart comments.. for all your personal comments..  

      Love you all
      Linni



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shopgirl1960 wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • Pepper,

      I have a friend who lost her brother in the last year or so this way. She is still traumatized. I hope YOU are doing okay?????????   Also, I agree with Linni in that I wonder if
      it was by his own doing. (In the back!) I am so,so sorry for your loss as I’m sure it hurts more than you can possibly put into words. Thank you for sharing with us. We are here for you if you want to talk more about your brother.

      Linni,
      Thank you for posting about this young man. It is so very sad. I feel so sorry for the sister and the family.
      No one can imagine the heartache that they are feeling, or will feel for the rest of their lives. I’m sure you are just
      sick and sad about this and I’m glad you shared with us.

      Big bEaR HuGs~
      Della



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Rena Bennefield wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • Hay Linni.. Good Topic..Sorry about the young man..It is very sad.I have read what all of you wrote down..I must say I can relate to it all very well..My reasons for attempting to take my life started when I was 15 yrs old..It was not to long after I was raped (story on How Old Were You when You Lost Your Virginity) I did not realize I had started trying to end my existence so young till I went to therapy. I had cut my wrists the first time while I was living in Texas..I will give you a little history first..I'll keep it short.. I started using drugs at age 15. The first drug I ever did was Mescaline (Peyote) I took 3 of the pills..I went downhill from there doing and using unbelievable amounts of drugs from One end of the scale to the other..LSD, PCP, Heroin, Opium, Weed, Uppers, Downers..You name it I done it..I took 15 hits of Mescaline at one time..4 hits of LSD at one time..I just didn't care anymore...My parents didn't care..They never even knew when I was home or gone. My Daddy cared but I couldn't share any of this with him..I didn't want him to hate me..Then I got hooked on Cocaine and Heroin= Speed Balling (I never used needles) I snorted it...Well long story short..I almost died one night, after 3 days and nights no sleep and very little food..I got up the next morning and called a friend that lived in Arlington Texas..I was on a plane that night..They knew my problem and I knew this person would not buy drugs for me and I was broke..I went through withdrawals and OMG it was horrible.. Well I kicked it after about a month..I had it together..so I thought..But then the horror of that day returned in full force..I was in a place in my mind where I could not take any more pain..I just felt like my being born was a mistake and God had turned away from me..I was utterly alone..My friend was at work..I went in the bedroom and slit my wrist with a pair of scissors..I guess God was there all along because before I bled out I was rushed to the hospital...I was stitched up seen a shrink..But I still felt I didn't deserve to live..I stayed about another 2 or 3 months..I came back to Detroit..Where I got good Therapy..That's when it came out about my trying to kill myself all along...I did attempt to kill myself one other time by cutting my wrists..But again my plan was fouled.. So here I am better but not perfect I have thoughts... but that's as far as it goes..Because I could Never hurt my Children like that..It would just ruin their lives..My therapist told me that I needed to live for myself..I told her I do not matter to me..But I do matter to them..And that's what keeps me alive...It's enough of a reason for me...I believe this if a person's pain is so awful that it hurts them physically and just the simple act of thinking is unbearable..Then they are going to try and STOP THE PAIN.. Thank You Ladies..(((HUG)))  Kat p.s. please don’t judge me..please..



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vanessa Conley wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • Thanks Linni and Shopgirl1960 I am trying to be as strong as I can be but sometimes I have to remember that whatever happen on that day in October 2002 GOD will handle it. And there were two other people present at the time he “committed suicide” his estranged wife and her daughter. No one will help in finding out what really happen. So I have come to believe that for every life that a person takes and “thinks” they have gotten away with it, God will handle that person. There is a sure thing of untimely death and it will be taken care of. I can only think of the future and what it holds for me things like grandchildren, and perhaps great grandchildren. And a short note to you Kataramoon we do not judge we are only here to help a least that is what I believe. This topic made me want to share with you and I have never done this before so stay strong and always remember “If you are not here what do the ones you leave behind have to remember and what will they do to themselves“. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vanessa Conley wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • Thank you so much support is what I really need thank you thank you thank you Mrslorid :)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dennie05 wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • You ladies are amazing!!! It takes such strength to share your stories.  Talking about it is therapy in itself and knowing you have others to share your pain and stories with is soooo helpful...knowing you are not alone.  Isn’t it comforting that we all have a group of people (even though we have never met in person) that cares about each other.  It feels like a sisterhood, a sounding board of ideas and feelings.  Thankyou all:)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Rena Bennefield wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • Thank you Pepper..
      It is hard to share sometimes but it is so easy to talk with all of you ladies here..I feel like I am a part of a family..a Sisterhood for sure...and what you said is true..God sees everything and knows everything and that we can rest on most assuredly..



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • Well linni you have opened a can of worms (in a good way (smile)) and I have decided that it is time to step out of my shell and share my story so that I can get rid of the shame I feel for myself...I started typing and I relived it like it was yesterday..My hands really took in a life of themselves...I would love to share it on here..but I’m really not sure if I am brave enough to do that..I know that God wants me to share my words and experiences, so that it MIGHT help someone else, I’m just not sure about it...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dennie05 wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • Soulful, even if you have shared with just one person and you feel better, than that’s all that matters.  Remember, that this is a public forum and anyone can look on here.  (at least this is what I understand).  Don’t post anything that you are concerned about seeing by anyone! Just a reminder.  Please correct me if I’m wrong.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • Soulful: Is my angel still with you?  That’s alright.  You can keep her as long as you want but just treat her nicely!

      I almost misspelled to Soulfoul, Soulfool..(tongue out!)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dennie05 wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • that’s true, I forgot about posting anonymous.  good point.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • But you can’t blog anon can you? I couldn’t remember how to spell it..a senior moment..lol



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • Yes, you are right.. we cannot blog or comment as a-on (LOL) but you can ask a Question as an A-on! (LMOG - Laugh myself out on the ground - if there is not once acronym like this, I demand that to be added!)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • hmmm I confused myself with a different word.. help me... something means a long time ago.. it’s aon? Eon?   Help!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dennie05 wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • I have a saying Chinadoll....You just ain’t right! LOL.  You are so funny!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • lol..chinadoll..I see you are still struggling with your chinglish..lol..not LMOG...I’ve never heard of that one..hmmmm



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • Yes I think I would make a recommendation to Yana for a Chinese website so I will have no problem then but I will miss you all or unless you learn how to speak and write Chinese.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Rena Bennefield wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • Soulful..You sweet lady..I know how hard it is to put that pain into words..And yes it is like reliving every moment and thought of it...You will know when the time is right..It will feel like when you wrap up in a big snuggly so soft blankie..When you feel that secure..You let it out.. We will be here for you..I have been going through my mental closet and doing some head cleaning..I still have some boxes up there that I have to go through..LOL.. ((((HUGS))))



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • Kat, we are not here to judge you or anyone else in anyway.. please let that worry go.. i for one am NOT perfect, and will not judge you... * hugs * to you Kat! i am so sorry you have had to endure all this.. just KNOW YOU ARE WORTH it! i am glad you are here and appreciate your openess, and your good heart! love you!

      Pepper, i mentioned my friend in an earlier post, and i feel for you in this situation! now.. if there were 2 others in the room, that should give the local P.D. a clue! im sorry.. sometime i think they just brush things like this under the rug..  

      You are right the Lord is the Ultimate judge on this.. so even if they think they have gotten away with this.. God will take care of it in the end! :)

      Thank you Pepper for sharing this hard topic with us.. KNOW we are here for you on your good days, AND your bad days! :) love you!

      Soulful... im right there with ya! lol when i went to bed last night, i had some memories of things FLOOD my head! i couldn’t get them to stop, and i too am praying about something i may be sharing... know i am here for you, as well as the others! love you!

      Dennie, Chinadoll, Mrslorid, and Della.. thank you for your kind loving words and your hugs and support!~ you are all great! Love you all!
      L~



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 3, 2008
    • I’m sorry...I’m just seeing all of these responses..Baby boy has been in my lap all evening and sometimes its hard for me to concentrate on the threads as they come along and I totally missed this one..

      Thanks to everyone for their kind words of support..I tell ya..God does things to convict you..He makes you think of things so that you can deal with them, let go and let Him do His work..I’m on step 1...dealing with the ghosts..but I can’t wait for Him to do His part..I thought the ghosts were gone until this and a few other blogs popped up and then I realized that the ghosts were not gone, but asleep.

      Pepper, if you are reading this, please know that there is a rainbow that replaces your storm and clouds..You came to the right place for strength and support, I got it, get it and continue to rise and you will too..



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      Michelle Rowe wrote Nov 5, 2008
    • I don’t understand suicide either. I think it’s cowardly and it devastates the loved ones left behind.



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      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Nov 5, 2008
    • It is hard to understand unless you are there, just be there. xoxo



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      AnneMarie Kimberling wrote Nov 5, 2008
    • Linni - and all the rest of you who have experienced suicide - my heart is with you.  Nine years ago, my dear cousin took his life and it forever changed our family.  Only two people know exactly what happened that horrid day in July 1999; one is dead, and the other can’t tell the same story twice...  But the point is, Steven was hurting and this seemed the only way out of his pain.  I had (and sometimes still have) tremendous anger towards him because it felt so cowardly... But especially because he left behind three beautiful children who were cheated out of knowing what an amazing man their daddy was.  However, as I was able to let the Lord speak to me, I realized that I couldn’t be angry with Steven...  I wanted to be, but I couldn’t.  He was hurting... my family is big on SECRETS and none of us knew how bad things were...  so my quest since then has been to eliminate secrets - if you are having issues, talk about them or at least ask your family to pray for you...  Details don’t need to be shared - but prayer does...  Since Steven’s death, I’ve had several friends or acquaintances take their own lives - and each time I feel that pain over again...  But I have to trust that God is in control - even now....  Do I make any sense??



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      Linni wrote Nov 6, 2008
    • Amk, you make alot of sense...even in the bad times God is still in control..we never fully understand WHY the things happen that do.. we just HAVE to TRUST IN THE LORD! we need to keep praying, AND to have others pray for us.. you are right! there should be no secrets! my heart goes out to you my friend!
      Blessings
      Linni



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vanessa Conley wrote Nov 6, 2008
    • Hi Ladies,

       Amk I am sorry to hear of so many people leaving this earth before their time. But we all know there are three types of death and none of them are easy on anyone that is left behind. I have had my fair share and I must say no matter one comes they all hurt. If you do not know the three types: they are certain death, untimely death, and accidental death all with the same impact LOSS!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Nov 7, 2008
    • i agree pepper.. NONE of them are easy.. even if you have a loved one who is dying.. its just as hard when they dye! the loss is so great!  

      thank you ladies for sharing!

      L~



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      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Nov 7, 2008
    • Pepper46, well said.  You go Girl!  Where is your the other half - Salt?



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