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I would like to think that the world of dating hasn't changed much since my last official pre-marriage date with my darling husband. But, sadly, that is not the case.

Long gone are the days when the man initiated the relationship by formally asking the woman on a date. And whatever happened to the romantic candlelight dinners at nice restaurants that men eagerly paid for? Now it's Taco Bell and Starbucks, with the woman paying her own way. Men no longer bring flowers to their dates, and courting and gift giving appear to have become ancient relics of the past.

So what has replaced all the romance? You guessed it.... the cell phone.

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Nowadays, men text. They text to ask you on a date. They text you the next day to say they had a fantastic time (or not). And they text you with silly sexy messages that are often inappropriate. But if that's not enough, they even text you to say they are breaking up.

Remember the "Sex and the City" episode where Sarah-Jessica Parker got all bent out of shape because her boyfriend broke up with her on a sticky note? At least he was taking a chance that she might walk into the room, see what he was doing and confront him. Texting is way different.

With just a few taps of the fingers, a text message can literally break your heart. Having several girlfriends that are currently dating, I'm no longer surprised to hear the horror stories of their dates and the behavior of men. No, not all men are created equal. And yes, there are still some gems out there worth your time and attention. The key is to be very upfront and personal and to weed out all those who have lost touch with their pride and their manhood.  

Call me old-fashioned, but I don't understand any date - first, second or 20th - where a man doesn't pay for a woman. Yes, I've heard all the feminists say how women are equal to men and we should pay our own way and bla, bla, bla.  But that kind of thinking is exactly how we got to where we are today. In fact, feminism has gotten us in all kinds of trouble. Just look at women today—we're trying to be super mom, super businesswoman, super this and super that. In our quest to be equal, we're trying too hard to prove that we can do everything that men can do and do it better.

Enough already! We don’t need to compete with men because everyone knows they aren’t in our league.  We know we can do everything men do, so let's stop trying to prove it to the whole world. Women are women and men are men and let's not confuse the two. Don't get me wrong. I'm all for strong, empowered women. But at the same time we need to be feminine, compassionate and loving. We don't need to compete with men; we need to complement them. In order to do that we just need to be ourselves.

So ladies, those of you who have sons, nephews, brothers, uncles, or male friends that are dating, let's remind them that women want and need much more then a text message. Women need to be courted, cared for and cherished. And if the man can't deliver on these, tell them to at least call. Or better yet, text their buddy, have a beer, and stay home.

And to all of your female friends, a great suggestion would be to simply disconnect the text option on their cell phones. If men have forgotten how to court, let's remind them (and ourselves) that women want to be taken care of in the most loving, caring way. From now on, texting is out of the question!

All the best,

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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Aug 22, 2008
    • Hi Yana

      I agree with you. Technology, as wonderful as it is, can sometimes make people impersonal. I’ve seen it also used as a vehicle for bad manners. It’s a terrible shame when it’s misused in this way. Thank you for bringing it to our attention.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Bandmom14 wrote Aug 24, 2008
    • Cheers for bringing up this topic!! I’ve watched with puzzlement as both my son and daughter text messages back and forth to their friends and get immediate responses - why not just have dialouge if they have the cell phone in their hand???  The other scenario I’ve seen with text messages has been horrible misunderstandings (because conversation with explanation and an opportunity to ask for clarification is not taking place). This has actually led to the end of a really great friendship my 20 year old daughter had - if they would have only actually talked to each other, they would likely still be friends.

      One way I’ve tried to combat the use of text is to make both my son and daughter pay for there own texting, but it hasn’t been a huge deterrent since they just move on to AIM or Facebook if they fear they are getting close to their texting limit.....

      We need more ideas on how to get our children to learn to communicate in person... how about a National No Texting Day (like anyone under the age of 30 would abide by that!!!)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Talkytina wrote Aug 26, 2008
    • You‘re right on the money with this article.  I am with you - I preferred the days when men worked up enough courage to ask a woman out on a date as it was meant to be in the first place.  Feminist or not, just because we want equal pay and equal rights does not mean we want to be treated like one of the boys.

      As much as I am completely for advanced technology as I have a degree in such - Text messaging does not belong in the romance department.

      It’s great that you have brought up this subject.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Krisvo wrote Aug 27, 2008
    • Now, if we can just get this through my twenty year old daughter’s head. I forwarded this article to her so that maybe she might see that Mom isn’t just blowing hot air on this subject.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cheryl Phillips wrote Aug 29, 2008
    • Oh my!! This is something near and dear to my heart! I was in a quasi-relationship like this at one point. It was worse than dating someone who only emailed! The person who texted me also sent me pictures of himself working, working out, washing his car...and so on. It was quite obnoxious. I use a Blackberry so I can always be in touch but I rarely text. When we both knew there was no future in the relationship, he didn’t want to talk about it. However, he had no issue with texting me a good-bye.  

      Two years later, I received a text from him asking if I wanted to come over and visit. I think visit = sex in his language. I never did text back although I was tempted to tell him that he should hook up with former Governor Spitzer and see if he could help him out! :)

      I don’t know what happened to the world of face-to-face. I love technology but I like closure, too. I can’t get it with a text goodbye.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sweetnsassy wrote Aug 30, 2008
    • Unfortunately it seems most everything is based on technology these days and it’s very sad but I have to admit I have texted personal messages like that as well.  I think it helps get the message across better if it’s in writing—- especially with guys.  It makes for a good fasod when your heart is broken and a woman is on the verge of tears!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marina Korol & Rozanna Velen wrote Aug 30, 2008
    • Great article Yana. Not only is technology being misused to break up with people, it is also very dangerous. Many married people who are having extra-marital affairs are using text messages and e-mails to communicate with their non-spouses. Using technology, all of these text messages and e-mails can later be tracked by the spouse, to the shock and embarrassment of all involved.

      [Link Removed] 


      Kvlaw, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cheryl Phillips wrote Aug 30, 2008
    • I agree with both of the last two comments. As a woman, I know I tend to get emotional and very wordy when I am upset. Texting can help a bit...but email does not. I can go on and on with email in the past have regretted pushing “Send“. Text is shorter and to the point but it does get so non-personal.

      As far as the legalities...it sure could make for a messy divorce or relationship since so much can now be tracked.  

      I miss the face to face that used to be.....



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Carine Nadel wrote Sep 1, 2008
    • this has got to be today’s equivalent to a Dear John letter via snail mail-disgusting to say the least.  Cowards.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mom4boys wrote Sep 1, 2008
    • I am glad I am married dating seems tuff



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Andrea Kuhman wrote Sep 2, 2008
    • Texting or emailing.  Both leave much to be desired when it comes to communication.  I truly believe that if you have something important to say, it MUST be done in person.  At least a phone call.  

      You cannot hear inflection nor see body language when using text or email.  

      I too believe that using this medium or our phone to end a relationship or something else important, is disrespectful, both to ourselves and to the other individual.

      Just one woman’s opinion :)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cheryl Phillips wrote Sep 2, 2008
    • Sadly enough, some men don’t even want to communicate the final blow. They just fade into the distance with not a word...not even a text. Frankly, I’d rather be texted than not told at all. Something about wondering if the person is dead is a little disturbuing.

      I am positive that more women than men are texting...we love to communicate!!! However,I’ve met my fair share of men who just don’t want to talk  but have no problem sending a text.  

      There is no real “right” answer to this. It’s not like it’s an epidemic crisis but heartbreak is heartbreak...I think it’s best done in person.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yolanda Harris wrote Sep 2, 2008
    • Hey , come get my Best Girlfriends Break up buddy - text messages for him to hear and read when he text’s you. email me at saay_stockton@yahoo.com

      This Sept 5-7 2008 I will only viewing the walk I have to change my venue do to non fund raising efforts but San Diego is my target spot.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yolanda Harris wrote Sep 6, 2008
    • Okay, Ladies
      Let’s say: We stop the technology messing up the romance of dating and start taking charge again. We start off first establishing if you desire to date me I need to be asked in person....send me a card...in the mail....of an invitation to the event or the date.....We have to do like our Victorian women did to stabilize the imbalance. I am taking a course at the CSU about History of Women in America. I am becoming so aware that we have indirectly lost the balance of power that women have fought for this this USA.  

      Okay next BLOG-
      Clues and people who achieved breaking the man or their men from asking them on dates from text messaging or emailing....Okay here’s a CLUE - send him the movie HITCH .

      FROM - The Yogi
      A Real Girl Friends Break Up Buddie or A Real Girlfriends Date Finder or Helper
      I’m the real HITCH

      Oh yeah by the way - No I’m not dating :)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Butterscotch wrote Sep 6, 2008
    • It’s sad but entirely true.  As a mom of five young men, I have done all I know to do to instill what some call old fashioned values.  To date both my husband and I are pleased but we can’t seem to out manuever the powerful influence of technology.  Once they leave the nest it’s up to God.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tikigal wrote Sep 7, 2008
    • Sadly, I was on the receiving end of an Email Dear John letter.  My husband of 20 years apparently couldn’t break the news to me that he wanted a divorce any other way.
      People who choose to end a relationship this way are cowards.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Yolanda Harris wrote Sep 8, 2008
    • Sadly, Even near the end of my marriage and even with new friends that are found we are so reluctant to give the snail mail addresses and home phone lines.
      Not only men but us women are letting text and technology stop our personal touch.
      My children and I have purchased beautiful stationary and even shown them how to go into the card sections of stores to just look around so in hopes there is the day they want to be personal and add that romantic touch to communicating when you think the person might be - MAD or SAD or JUST ready to SLAP your face.  

      No, when they leave the nest we as the main Women in their life have to keep it established. I have my sons court me. They have to look for those silly cards and things in store to persuade me to go somewhere or take them out....so at the near end of the marriage MR. [TBD] soon to be Ex- spouse learned to come in the door with a plant or a card or both and ask me in person to go to the movies or out to eat....so when we stand our grounds and make a stand.  

      So Ladies, Mrs. Pettigrew movie gave me some clues.....

      Do this : Send him a card in the mail to ask him to the movies or an event or just to say Hi, even if you live in the same house....maybe he will get the clue....Tell me how it goes.
      Quick emails to me
      saay_stockton@yahoo.com
      Thanks Ladies - Let’s hear back form some attempts.
      Oh before I go “Do anyone remember the HAllMARK commercials, when she looked on the back of the card?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yolanda Harris wrote Sep 8, 2008

    • Here is my main courtship specialist. His name is Amin-Malik, he is so fine ! Yes, he is my son. He can take one look at a woman and see she is not doing well because when we spend our time together I make reference to how I want him to communicate with me and other women because when you communicate in a way a person would feel affection and love or devotion then you reap the sweetness even when you think they may be sour to your presence. So when he wants me to go take him somewhere he goes into those stacks of $1 stationary cards we previously purchased and he sends it to me and my daughter has copied me in sending notes.  

      We all write notes around the house and post it notes and even when his girlfriend attempted to break up over the phone he ask to meet her in person to make it final.  

      He respects the fact that technology should never replace the face.  

      So in hopes now after hearing my story, Have those that jumped out the nest when they show up at your door have flowers “JUST BECAUSE” you my LADY...send them a card by way of snail mail.

      That’s what my son calls me - His Lady.  

      For those cowards- GLAD they did it that way...why waste a good dozen of roses for beating him over the head with them !!! { Yes, I did that !!!}



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shari Tenner wrote Sep 15, 2008
    • How abut those suckers who have internet affairs?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Paula Bertucci wrote Aug 20, 2009
    • Great Article Yana...and so true....heck I even got an email (with pictures of flowers) once saying I was going to get flowers...and no..they never came.....we need courtship back big time in the old fashioned way



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Medusa wrote Feb 25, 2010
    • Hmm I’ve done the same thing..... when i’m mad I text, when I’m happy I text, I even text my kids when they are close to me!!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sugarplumfairy wrote May 13, 2010
    • I have to agree that texting can be a poor substitute for actual talking. I have important email conversations with my significant other, but we also talk about this issues. We are also a long distance from each other during the week and sometimes I just can’t wait until we see each other to bring up something important. And I have a very hard time talking in person so sometimes it’s really helpful for me to bring something up over email, that way I can think through everything I want to say and I always wait and come back and read through it again before sending.  

      I think email is okay when used appropriately.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Twiggy wrote Jun 2, 2010
    • You are way to Beautiful to deal with that junk.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tmas3500 wrote Jul 13, 2010
    • Does this mean texting has become the new form of letterwriting?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Barolo wrote Jan 14, 2011
    • I agree. I have been blown off/broken up with through email.
      You just never really know how the person will react if you make a reqeust to meet with them in person they could make all kinds of excuses. I told a guy in email that I knew he was blowing me off and I gave him a chance to counter my statement, prove me wrong and all he could say was that he was not interested in a relationship and how he did not mean to hurt me, blah, blah....
      There are positives to technology but many caveats as well.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Butterfly13 wrote Feb 23, 2011
    • I so agree its very impersonal these days- all the men texting you on dates or even what r u doing NOW want to get together(you respond Im busy they move on and text the next person on their speed dial....I understand if your in your 20’s and dont know any better this is their way of life but 40+ men PAAALEEEEEEEEEEASEE!!  

      Now with on-line dating my goodness- how impersonal is that they meet you via computer, next step is communicating via text- Are there any “real” men out there anymore - remember the song TREAT HER LIKE A LADY.  frown

      youravon.com/tmayer



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Dori Robinson wrote Jun 13, 2011
    • I’m torn (and late to the party, I realize). I once dated a man that I didn’t even LIKE...I actually felt sorry for him (and yes, he had a great pool, which didn’t hurt).  He had me over for dinner and as I was driving home, he sent me a text saying he didn’t want to see me again. I laughed out loud...and shot him a text back that said, “No sweat. By the way, your lasagna sucks.”  And of course, I added a big smiley face.  

      I would honestly prefer to text over talking on the phone.  It is easy, fast, and unlike a ringing phone, I can deal with a text message on my own time.  Or not. How can you not love that??



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