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September 20, 2009
It is 2:30 a.m. and I’ve been rudely awakened by yet another migraine. The pain is almost unbearable and I try to gather all of my inner strength to crawl out of bed and feel my way to the freezer for the ice packs. Even though it is dark outside and no lights are on in the house the ambient light in the house pierces my eyes and stabs my brain. Even the seemingly innocent lights like those from the digital clock from the nightstand or the one from the microwave are now sending out blinding, painful light. I make my way back to the bed...snuggle under the blanket, pack my head in the ice and cover my eyes with a sleeping mask. I then pull the blanket over my head so I can block out any remaining light that is peering through the barrier that I have built. As I am laying there feeling the cold starting to numb the pain and praying for relief a constant thought is racing through my mind. I was thinking about the masks that I wear in life...sometimes daily that block out the “Light“(Jesus). Resentment is the mask that I’m wearing most often. The mask of resentment sometimes comes in different “colors” such as anger, unforgiveness and self pity. The mask of resentment is blocking out the “Light“. So much so, that I am not allowing others to see the “Light” through me or even able to see the “Light” from others. Mask such as these block the “Light“....the “Light” that heals, takes away pain and brings joy. Even during times in my life when I “think” that I have hidden away my “masks” they seem to be readily perched atop my head or hanging around my neck waiting for an instance where I can use it to “cover my eyes” or “protect my heart“. In reality, I know that I must allow the “Light” to shine. I must get rid of the mask of resentment and all of it’s “colors” forever. With a migraine the darkness helps to relieve the pain and bring healing. In life only the “Light” brings healing, comfort and joy.
What mask are you wearing today?
I can’t imagine the constant pain of a migraine, I have constant back pain, pain is pain...mask...well I wear a mask of resentment from time to time, then I try to ditch it in place of a mask of joy...and a mask of happiness, I wear those when my babies are around and keep the other for myself...mostly. Hope you get to feeling better.
Thank you Lola and Kanani for your kind words. I too wear the mask of joy....some days it’s hard to find this one. I too find it easier to wear the mask of joy when my children and grand-baby are around. The migraine is lifting
Peace and Blessings 
It’s interesting to read this. Honestly I find it hard to hide any emotions especially with families. I am just like that.
When I am not happy I voice it, when I am angry, I rage it, when I am resentful, I make it clear what I expect within reasons.
I find that my lesson in life is not about wearing mask but how to dance the dance of life. Like dancing with a partner, it’s crucial to know when to take a step forward and when to step back.
I believe neither suppressing or exploding are good. The harmony of life lies in the balance that can be intricate and fluid.
One of the important thing is be clear about what we want, what really bothers us, what makes us happy or unhappy and be honest about it. We then need to know what are our array of choices, where to draw the lines, how far can we take it, when to let go, etc.
I guess relatively speaking, with friends, I do hide some emotions sometimes but not a whole lot. I honor the place in them as much as the place in me. I believe honesty and respect is the key.
Well, one thing I find is that my kids are very open with their feelings. And I appreciate their telling me when they tell me. I honor their honesty and openness with me whenever that happen. I think it’s very healing to live in that level of openness and respect with each other.
I wear the mask of joy most of my days and hours it is the easiest one to wear and share.
I pray your pain lightens so your light of Christ will brighten all who come near.
love Donna
Interesting essay. Too often I wear the mask of depression and resentment 
.
Interesting blog Deb! I don’t think I wear a mask usually but maybe since I prefer to look on the brighter side of things most days that IS my mask.....hmmmmm.....
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Deb, great insight. I really hope you find your mask of relief from your pain. I wear 3 masks, worry,sadness and fear.For me they go hand and hand. I worry about my husband he has 2 hernias one in his stomach and another in his groin. He has pain off and on too!
When I read of complications and really get worried. We have no insurance and it is considered prexisting. I worry about my youngest son getting good job very soon. My oldest son in Air Force Reserves may be going to Afganistan in next 2 months extreme worry and fear!
I know it will get better and have faith that it will!!!
Ciao,
Bella
hmmm mostly I wear the mask of ‘Whatever’ lol
Sometimes I wear a ‘strength’ mask to hide my pain.
But mostly, I’m just me and say it like it is and act it like it is, no mask at all.
xx
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