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For many couples who "stayed together for the sake of the kids", the start of the college career of the last child to leave the nest signifies the end of the marriage. Divorce is always difficult and fraught with emotions. In the heat of emotional upheaval it is very common for women to make mistakes which will cost them. Most of these mistakes are avoidable. Here are 10 of the most common mistakes and how to avoid them.

Mistake # 1:  Failing to understand the divorce process. It is important to take the time to become educated about the divorce process.  

Mistake #2:  Confusing your emotional divorce with the legal divorce. The legal divorce deals with finances, dividing assets and debts fairly, care for your children. Emotional aspects should be worked out separately.  

Mistake #3:  forgetting to weigh the cost vs. Benefit of each decision. Some things are worth fighting for; others are not. Always weigh the cost of the fight against the benefit you will derive to ascertain if the issues issue is worth the expense of the fight.  

Mistake # 4:  Placing emotional value on wining the final contest with your spouse, or even worse, hurting your spouse-rather than assuring that you will land in a good place financially, legally and emotionally when the divorce is final.  

Mistake #5:  Comparing your situation to others. No two family situations are exactly the same, and no two divorce outcomes will be exactly the same. Don't waste time and energy comparing your case with other, the results are not going to be exact.  

Mistake # 6 : Believing that to win the children, the children must lose the other parent. Wrong. The greater the parental conflict the greater the children's injury and loss.  

Mistake #7:  Deciding to fight everything. The more acrimonious the divorce becomes, the more financially and emotionally costly the process becomes.  

Mistake #8:  Believing you will get revenge for all the pain you believe your spouse has caused you. Every attack results in a defense that injures the attacker. The end result, vengeance will become self-inflicted injury and pain.

Mistake #9:  Believing you do not need to protect yourself. If you believe your spouse will take care of you during or after the divorce you may be sadly mistaken. You need to take control of and make every decision based upon what will work for you after the divorce is final.  

Mistake #10:  Rushing into decisions. Understandably you will want to get through the process as quickly as possible; however you need to carefully consider each and every decision.  

It has been said that a smart woman learns from her own mistakes, a wise woman learns from the mistakes of others, do you have a mistake to share to help our sisters be wise?  Join in the discussion, your comments may help someone get through.  

Laurie Giles, JD
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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Momofthreeprincess wrote Jul 28, 2010
    • I wish that my ex would have read this.  I am a week from the end of mine.  In the end he filed bankruptcy, giving me what I wanted and has one daughter that pretty much will only see him if he comes here.  I will have to start over.  I have been a professional mom for 25 years and have had a variety of jobs to help make ends meet.  How can I explain on a resume that most of the jobs I had may have last a year or so?  My main focus has always been my children.  

      Now I have the chance of going to school without someone telling me “No you can’t it will cost to much.”  I have the chance to go on with my life in the way I wanted to.  For me the sky is the limit, now if I only can get the courage to fly.

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Michelle05 wrote Jul 29, 2010
    • You have “Wind beneath your wings” by all of the loving support of your Fab 40 family! happy

      Congratulations on doing what was good and right for you!  I have to remind myself daily that - we create our own happiness, others cannot do it for us.  I am proud of you and encourage you to keep flying!

      As far as your resume, just be honest about the reason for job lengths & gaps of employment.  But remember that you have developed valuable time management, organization and delegation skills while raising your family!

      Good luck to you and keep us posted on how school is going!

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Divafabulosa wrote Aug 4, 2010
    • Thanks Laurie!

      Divorce is such an emotional process and everyone should read your advice!! Post divorce can be a roller coaster as well.

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