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I find myself in a difficult situation today.  I found out this morning that a friend’s son committed suicide last night.  I have never met the young man but i do know his father pretty well.  He’s a crusty guy, but very loveable!  He makes a “straight shooter” seem ambiguous!  He HAD to be a sailor in his previous life!

His son was 18...entering his senior year of high school in September.  My friend saw his son regularly in spite of the fact that he (his son) lived a couple hours away with his mother.  Over the years, i have heard many stories about him...my friend truly loved his son very much.

My dilemma...what do i say, what do i do?  How do i reach out without being intrusive or appearing nosy?  I have no words, no magic, no answers.  My heart breaks for this man and his family.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sandils1962 wrote Jul 24, 2011
    • I am so sorry for your friends loss.  I think that if you just let your friend know that you are there for him if he needs to talk or anything.  It’s hard to know what to say at times like this.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Jul 24, 2011
    • Just be there for him, sometimes your presence speaks louder than words and just give him the opportunity to speak and express himself in his time and then maybe your words will come.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Diane17 wrote Jul 24, 2011
    • Just let him know that you are there for him.  Call him, send him a condolence card, attend the funeral if you can, maybe bring him a meal.  And then continue to check in on him from time to time.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Jul 24, 2011
    • Ditto, just be there for him if he needs to talk etc.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tuliplady wrote Jul 24, 2011
    • When my co-worker’s fiance passed away recently, I stopped at his house, asked him if he wanted company or wanted to be left alone.  He was too numb to care, so I sat with him.  Had he said he wanted to be alone, I’d have made sure he could be alone with nobody bugging him.
      Just be there, and be his friend the same as you have been.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Jul 24, 2011
    • Daphne...like Neicy said...just be there.  It’s okay to say, “__________, I really do not know what to say other than I’m very sorry and I’m here for you.” Let him talk if he wants.  Listen...is the biggest thing you can do.  

      I will say that the biggest mistake anyone can make is not acknowledging the dead.  Sometimes because people don’t know what to say they say absolutely nothing.  That can be hurtful as well.  

      I’m very sorry about your friend’s son.  It’s sad that so many of our young people feel that is the only answer.  He must have been really hurting.  frown



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anne E wrote Jul 24, 2011
    • Please acknowledge your friend’s tremendous loss-maybe you can do something in the son’s honor (plant a tree).  Visit often, send a card, take food, whatever feels right.  So sorry heartbreak



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Jul 25, 2011
    • This is truly sad, beyond words.  Do what you can to help your friend through this..a meal as Diane mentioned is always very helpful as the first thing a person may do is not want to eat or be bothered fixing food for themselves and lend an ear if possible.

      Very sadheartbreak



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Allinet48 wrote Jul 28, 2011
    • I had 2 siblings take their lives, 3 years apart. Don’t ignore him. You don’t need to ask details-if he wants to tell you he will. Just be there and availiable for him. It is very confusing being the family members left behind.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mary Clark wrote Jul 28, 2011
    • Allinet...I can’t even begin to imagine the hurt you and your family have experienced! I’m so sorry and you probably have the best advice we’ve given.



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