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What would you do? A couple have been married 25 years.
but 20 years before that he had a weekend affair after the birth of first child.she was out of town. He admitted the affair,said he was not sure about being a father. The old girlfriend he had come in from another state. Long story short they stayed together and even had more childern. Well supposedly she found him on internet. They even started talking on his cell phone. Well, she gets suspicious because she enters room and he hangs up fast. She eventually calls number,knows exactly who it is. Freaks out and confronts him! He admits to talking to her as a friend only. Tells her she is married. Anyway several talks and fights later. She even changed his email password to get into the messages. Well emails she found pretty much said what he did,except one was signed xoxoxo at the end. He claimed it was inappropriate, and he didin’t mean anything by it, just to cheer up a friend. He trys to be honest about when they talk, tells her what was said. But jealosly is an ugly monster, and she gives him looks when these talks come up. So now the issue is does she trust him,without knowing whether or not they are talking. He quit telling her anything about them talking. No more calls on his cell or anything she can see. She says maybe they are talking on his work phone or still by email at work. He changed the password again on his email. He said he loves her and just wants to have friends too. He has always come home to her,calls her,says he loves her everyday. Said he would not have stayed 25 years if he did not love her. He has do everthing to prove his love in last 20 years. All he wants is for her to forgive him for the past and trust him as he does her. She wants to get past the past hurt, and move forward. But she also admitted to wanting to get back into the email and find out what has transpired now. Do back ground check on her or something for piece of mind. She told me he is not acting distant, as a matter fact just the opposite,very loving, and attentive. Should she trust him? Internet affairs are rampant. What is a possible cheated on spouse suppose to do? I feel for her and she is my best friend and I want to help! They have been together a long time and have had there ups and downs,but stuck togther and worked it out. He said this is a way to once and for all, and hopefully get her past the betryal of the past, and forgive and trust him.
Help a friend,

Member Comments

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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Cynthia Schmidt wrote Apr 12, 2010
    • I sat for a minute and put myself in the shoes of both people. I can understand your friend’s hurt since this other woman was someone her husband was intimate with, and an affair no less. My feeling on the subject is, if they have to conduct their conversations in private - that doesn’t pass the smell test with me. If it’s really so innocent and “just friends” then everything should be out in the open with full access by the other spouse. You mentioned that this other woman is also married. I wonder if her husband knows about the friendship and how he feels about it.

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Hbrose wrote Apr 12, 2010
    • I agree with Cynthia, if you‘re going to be friends with someone of the opposite sex when you‘re married (and an ex no less), you must be totally upfront and honest to your spouse about it so there is no question about what is or isn’t going on!  And frankly, he shouldn’t even be “going there” with this past girlfriend. In my opinion it isn’t appropriate to be so friendly with her even if they are “just friends“.  Your friend needs to have a heart to heart with her husband and if all is on the up and up, he might volunteer to show her his emails to prove nothing is going on. There shouldn’t be anything so private in emails that you can’t share it with your spouse.

      Just my opinion.  Good luck to your friend, not a good place to be if she doesn’t or can’t trust him.

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