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As some of you know , my marriage has taken a horrendous nose dive of late. I am usually the calm one in any arguments, and my husband is the noise maker! BUT yesterday he was calm, and i was the one irritated, tired, and ready to blow i even thumped the steering wheel a few times, totally out of character for me, i dont do anger, and have only lost my temper a few times in life, of which it wasnt pretty! We are both at a loss as to how we are here at this cross raods in our life, sure we have had the arguments that most married couples have, but today we just decided that we are both tired, NOT of each other, but whatever is causing this mountain in our marriage. I cried, i told him how empty i was, and that i just couldnt do any of it anymore, my walls are up. We both said our sorrys, we both said how much we hate that there is this wedge between us which feels more like a california red wood than a wedge! I have looked at myself ( which is something i always do..i go internal!) to see what it is that is making me feel the way i do..is it just me or is it something else or am i just picking,  hubby has said he has decided to do things different too, as he hates the arguing as much as i do of late, we have both said some pretty mean things to each other, and they have hurt us both. I am lucky i can look back over the marriage and see that there has been love and fun times between us , that have made the not so good still seem worth it, and those are what i hold on to. My daughter spoke to my husband the other day, told him how dissapointed she was with him and that she felt he could handle his temper better ( kudos to her BUT also to him for being a good step dad and taking that critism from her!) He told her she was right! He told her how much he loved our family , and didnt like what was happening to it. I am certain we will weather this horrendous storm , for no other reason than we can still talk, we can still find the good in each other, and we still know that we are good together, despite what ever our problems are right now. I look at our little blended family and realise that we have been blessed, so many fail , yet our kids get along tremendously, we talk, we have great communication with our kids. I truly think it is time for me and my hubby to get away for a weekend, and just be alone...to reconnect..whatever it is, i know we will work thru it, i know we will both have to heal from the word wounds we have inflicted on each other....but i know the next time he reaches for my hand in the car, i will slip mine in his as i always do...because with all of our faults....we have something that works, and we have 4 kids looking at us as an example of how we conduct our relationship...and so far i think the kids have learnt that couples argue , say mean stuff, YET when we are calm, they see us hug, hear us apologise and see us continue forward..all the time hearing us working thru our issues....they know its hard, yet they know its good, they know we laugh, they know we both cry...and they know we love each other...for better or worse..and the worse is here right now..but the better will be back. So for now, we are just barely breathing, both holding on, both getting over our hurts, healing and praying for better days ahead. So when you dont know what it is .....let it go .

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Sep 17, 2009
    • From my experience, when Rog and I  conversed about the you do this and that etc. We fought.

      We now converse with , ‘when you said this this is how I felt’ or ‘when this happened i was sorry for what was said‘.

      when we changed the way we talked, it changed the outcome as well!!

      sending hugggzzz!!
      xx

      ps. good advice and remember, not to sweat the small stuff!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lilwhitedaisy wrote Sep 17, 2009
    • thanks MzT, i guess we learn the hard way.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Marilyn09 wrote Sep 17, 2009
    • That was well written.
      My husband and I have been married since 1986. and just last week we got into another argument that makes me wonder if we humans are supposed to be married for over 20 years... you know? There is so much pain. And the pain is unbearable at times I just cry too.
      But its like what you said. he is also my rock. I dont know what I would do without him. I turn to his hugs and He generally makes me feel good. happy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Sep 18, 2009
    • estatic Well written, I wish you success in working through this. As always we are here for you.



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