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The following is an excerpt from my brand new, first-of-its-kind book, When War Comes Home , written for wives of today's combat vets.  It will be available on my web site, www.hopeforthehomefront.com, and in stores Veteran's Day, November 11, 2008!!!

Where is my husband?  Who is this man that they sent home to me?  There must be some mistake!

I pick up the morning paper and read the names of the fallen.  I ache for their loved ones.  Jason's name is not listed among the dead, and for this I am eternally grateful.  Yet, I ache for myself.  My heart breaks for both of us.

Sometimes I feel like my marriage died for my country.  Jason is not the man who deployed.  We are not the same couple who tearfully said goodbye all those months ago.

God protected Jason, but God didn't protect him.  I prayed Psalm 91 for Jason every day, many times a day, believing God would shield him, cover him, even make him bulletproof.  I prayed for him the minute I awakened, as I got our kids ready for school, as I stood in bank lines, as I waited in traffic, as I washed the dinner dishes, then outside looking up into the stars and the rising moon, and finally as I lay in our bed alone...over and over I prayed for his safety.  I never knew to pray for Jason's mind.

I just assumed that if he returned to me physically whole, then everything would be fine. I was wrong.  The war has come home with Jason.  The war has walked right through our front door uninvited.  It sits on our sofa, rides in our car with us, and eats our meals with us.  The war is here 24/7.

Jason's pain seems to be contagious.  He's been home for a while and we are all hurting now.  We stand back and can only watch as Jason wrestles an unseen monster, day after day, night after night.  Sometimes he seems pretty normal, but then something happens, and this mysterious beast emerges breathing fire, vomiting the contents of its wounded soul all over everyone.  The children and I stand speechless, afraid, confused, angry – sometimes at Jason, sometimes at the beast that this war conceived in my beloved's soul, writhing in its personal agony, imprisoned in its own pain and anchored to this war.

Why?  Why Jason?

I'm out of answers.  I'm even out of questions.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lorilyn wrote Nov 11, 2008
    • Wow! Your writing is so powerful and describes what I’ve heard other families describe when their loved ones return. One said his son now hates everyone and is very distant.That must be so difficult to navigate when trying to show them there is still good in the world and how much you love them.
      I plan to read your book, and wish you the best with the sales and with the ongoing healing in your home.
      Lori



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Faye43 wrote Nov 3, 2009
    • So sad yet profound. Thank you so much Marshele for sharing this perspective with us. Since I have not been through it. I would have never known. This puts another dimension to what soldiers and their families give up for our freedom. I pray the lord blesses you in a special way. Has Jason received counseling? I think most people who have witnessed the horrors of war probably suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I am not a professional but hope this can help you both. I only say this because it is a shame he is so distraught. He and you deserve so much more. You are a wonderful writer. God bless and keep you my friend, Faye



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Nov 3, 2009
    • My good friend lives this daily!
      We need our govt to do more for the returning men and women.
      They need to give them free counseling to deal with the traumas of war.
      Their ‘debriefing’ when they get home does nothing for them.
      Our men and women should get free counseling for as long as they need once they return from war.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Nov 3, 2009
    • OMG – very powerful and very moving – I'm so sorry you struggle with this after your husband has been so patriotic.
      I know this is a big problem in the UK and sadly our government are doing nothing but three big national newspapers are really campaigning to make sure they have proper help.
      This has really moved me.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Wittymom wrote Nov 3, 2009
    • This just speaks volumes of the war and effects on not just our milatry men and women but on their families.  Whenever I hear of someone being deployed, I only always pray for their safe (physical) return.  I never, ever, thought of this.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Janet Wooley wrote Nov 3, 2009
    • The mind is where the enemy attacks.....



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