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Why is this so hard?  Is it possible to love someone, but still wonder if this is where you want to be?  One moment, he makes me laugh and the next, I loathe the sight of him.  

He is a good man, with a kind heart....still tells me I’m beautiful everyday.  He goes to church with me.  He loves my family, and they all seem to like him.  He has never raised his voice to me, we don’t really fight, little tiffs that are done before they really get started is as close as we’ve ever gotten.

But.....he’s not the man I met and fell in love with.  When we were in a long distance relationship and only saw each other once a month, it seemed we had everything in common.  We liked the same music, we both loved to cook, camping, going for walks, we both loved to laugh.  We also shared the same ideas of what kind of relationship we wanted.  I was very up-front about possibly never wanting to get married again and he was completely okay with that.  Now he talks about my being his wife someday at least once a week.  I stressed that I wanted a relationship where we spent time together, but both had our own friends and time apart.  He assured me he wanted the same.  He moved to my town, so all of his old friends are about an hour and a half away.  He always said, he would always find time for them.  The reality now is that he doesn’t ever want to go back home unless i go with.  He never has a guy weekend.  

I’m sorry ladies if I’m rambling....I feel so much guilt now, when I want to do my own thing.  I know I shouldn’t, but I do.  turns out, we really don’t have much in common and the thing I feared most has happened, I am the only one in his life for the most part.

Maybe he hasn’t really changed at all, maybe I just chose to see a differnt person back then, because of what I was going through then.  Perhaps it’s just me who’s changed?



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mjmurphy wrote Apr 22, 2009
    • Don’t worry about rambling here, that’s what we all do, lol. I think you just want some time for yourself, some space. I find I am that way too and don’t want anyone clinging to me now that I’m in my forties. Heck, I raised two kids and did my time being what everyone wanted me to be, now I just want to do my own thing.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mjmurphy wrote Apr 22, 2009
    • You know, I have been thinking about this all day. I wonder if this is why I am attracted to younger men for the most part. When I was in my 20s and married and needed a man at home to help me raise the children, he was like most men in their 20s all wrapped up in himself and going off with his friends.  On one hand I learned to do it myself and became very self sufficient. On the other hand, when I no longer had the responsibility of raising kids I got the opportunity to do those things I missed out on (I was 18 when I had my oldest). So a younger man is less settled and a better match because he is glad to not have someone trying to tie him down and keep him at home.



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