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I am so frustrated and fed up with my mother...frown

I am sorry...but I can’t help the way I feel...she is so uncaring and selfish...she does not care about how others feel or whether she is hurting them...I have tried to ignore and make excuses for this all my life and have done so until recently...Now I am done with it...I am tired of her continuing to hurt me...tired of her putting me last...I can’t take it anymore...

She is in total denial of her past...of how much of an alcoholic she is...of how I raised my little brother and sister cause she was never there...of why I left home at 15 and vowed never to go back...how she favors children and grandchildren over the other...I am sick and tired of feeling like this...I am sick and tired of trying and not getting anywhere...only to get sh*t on again and again!

So I am removing myself totally from this...I deserve to be treated with respect and dignity...and until I get that from her I am choosing to not have her in my life...and I am sticking to my guns this time!

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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Mar 6, 2009
    • Ok, I will.
      “OH SHIIIIIIIIIT!”  

      Maybe you should go let a good rippin scream just well, rip. (Could be a great stress buster as long as little ones don’t hear you. ;)
      The subject of a mother who treats a daughter in a not-so-kind way due to alcoholism (that in itself is a long list of YUCKO!)or co-dependency (also yucko!)issues or issues of the self is something I can definitely relate to as I’ve experienced some of that. My ‘Mom’ is not a very kind hearted person.
      Anyway, sometimes it erally sucks because our mothers are not supposed to be this way, but unfortunately, some just are and we can’t change that. You CAN however, keep your own power & set healthy boundaries that cannot be crossed unless you allow it. Painful, perhaps. Necessary, yes.
      Have you ever had a one on one conversation with her & asked, “Is there a reason why you do XYZ? I’m just curious, Mom.”
      You don’t have to make excuses for her. Sometimes doing that is born out of not wanting to talk back to, or seemingly ‘disrespect an elder,’ or maybe denial because denial works as a security blanket in some ways, sometimes, for years due to reality being not-so-fun to face. Maybe an al-anon meeting for you for some support would help? You absolutely deserve to be treated with respect whether it’s by your Mother or anyone else.
      Hugs and best wishes!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Mar 6, 2009
    • WOW!!!ohhhhKaryn this pains me deeply to hear about your upset with your mom. I wish you could find a way to mend things with her, continue to pray for her its ok to remove yourself from a situation when it does nothing but bring you pain and discomfort, but love her for the person she is. You said she has an alcoholic past well honey pray for her because her spirit isn’t delivered from the characteristics of that acoholic behavior. My prayer is that you can see past all that and still love her even if you have to do so from afar but never let anyone cause you to stop being the loving caring giving person that YOU ARE!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Karyn Olson wrote Mar 6, 2009
    • I do love her...that’s why it hurts so much...and I do understand where she is coming from but I am tired...real tired of it all...my heart can’t take any more...I am real serious here....I am backing away and hope and pray that one day she sees what she is doing.  THANK YOU so much for being here...it’s funny but I feel more love, caring and understanding from my fab40 friends than my own mom...it’s sad and it hurts...but much appreciated



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Karyn Olson wrote Mar 6, 2009
    • I do love her...that’s why it hurts so much...and I do understand where she is coming from but I am tired...real tired of it all...my heart can’t take any more...I am real serious here....I am backing away and hope and pray that one day she sees what she is doing.  THANK YOU so much for being here...it’s funny but I feel more love, caring and understanding from my fab40 friends than my own mom...it’s sad and it hurts...but much appreciated



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Fraz764 wrote Mar 6, 2009
    • Karyn, I have a poor situation with my mother, which is why I live 400 miles from her, like Teeky said sometimes you have to love from a distance. I call mine every Saturday to chat for a while, but I leave her and my sister with their drama.

      You are so right, you deserve to be respected and treated with dignity.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Mar 6, 2009
    • Karyn I do understand where you are at this time, and you are NOT wrong for feeling the way you do and whatever decision you make in this don’t regret them. Its time out for all the bull‘sh** in one’s life, life is hard enough without those we love making it harder so dear just take a deep breath and do what you need to do for you without regret.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Karyn Olson wrote Mar 6, 2009
    • Jen...I have tried to talk to her...but she does not see it...she only sees things the way she wants to see them...and nothing else matters...either that or she ignores me...I am not sure which is worse...

      Mom still drinks today but not as much...she is I guess what you would call a binge drinker and drinks periodically now...when I was younger she drank more...almost every day...but I guess with age she has slowed down some...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Karyn Olson wrote Mar 6, 2009
    • Sounds like a good idea Fraz...I was living a couple thousand miles away until summer of 2007 when my little sister committed suicide...I moved home to be here for my mom and I hate to say this but the worst thing I ever did...I am miserable here...

      I am expecting a lump sum of money in the next few months and I plan on getting out of here...far far away...what I don’t see or hear don’t hurt me...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cindylouwho1966 wrote Mar 6, 2009
    • Karyn, I am so sorry to read your story. You seem like a very strong woman, and once you make your mind up to not let her affect you, she won’t. Stay strong!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Mar 6, 2009
    • Karyno, I just caught up with posts.  Like many here said, we feel so sorry.  It hurts extra deep when they happen to be family, especially mother.  I see you are a great person.  You give up things for the sake of others, then you get burn and burn out.  I don’t know what more to say other than sending you distance love and prayers.  I pray that sum of money will come to you soon so you can have a peace of mind and peace in every surroundings.  Hang in there a bit longer.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Mar 7, 2009
    • Karyn,

      I’m so sorry your having to deal with this but actually removing yourself from the situation will make a huge difference ....

      You need to get on and live your life ...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Mar 7, 2009
    • Hi Karyn..

       i am so sorry you are going through this! i have went through it with my momita, and its NOT fun! i loved her from a distance ( i couldn’t even be in the same room with her! thats how bad it was )and i prayed for her,, and you know what? she has been sober almost 10 years no, and we have an AWSOME relationship! don’t give up on her..

      i will keep you in prayer my friend!
      Love ya Karyn!
      Love ya
      Linni



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Shopgirl1960 wrote Mar 7, 2009
    • I’m so sad for you. Sometimes we have to walk away from someone, no matter what relation they are, if we can’t learn to love them in spite of their faults. Someone made a brilliant comment that I will always remember,“Others don’t hurt us, we allow them to hurt us.”  I wish you much love and joy in your life!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Faye43 wrote Sep 1, 2009
    • Kayrn this really made me think. Thank you. I went to my little sisters for her 35 birthday six years ago...(I live in Florida and she lives in upstate New York, where I am from). At the same time my brother had been giving mom such a heard time about our childhood. My mother is not an alcoholic. That is just her natural personality. My bigger sister was diagnosed with Bipolar and we think that is what mom has. She reverted back to her mean ways and I was so upset, I said "You know what, I did not come all the way from Florida to go through this!” I was going to refuse to go over to her house. She started acting better so we went over there and mom said to us "I don't care if you talk amongst each other about your childhood, but don't talk to me about it.” (yes she is still in denial). This is what I said to her...“Mom I do not care about the past but if you treat me bad now I will just stop coming around!" I later gave her a hug because she does have really bad heart trouble and I felt bad for her. She hugged me back. She said she loved me and I felt she meant it. Someone could have given me one million dollars and I would have not felt better. I still have a hard time communicating with her. I love and respect her but we will never have that mother, daughter relationship I just don't feel it....but let her know I love her...in a quiet and distant sort of way. Thank you so much for sharing my friend and giving me the opportunity to read and write about it here. My bf hates hearing about it. I can not talk to him about it or he gets grumpy and argumentative. I guess you can not expect someone who has not gone through it to understand. I want to someday be able to help other people who are down and out and am taking the necessary classes to someday hopefully accomplish this goal. It may not be child abuse as it is way to close for comfort for me but may be helping alcoholics or homeless people. Everybody has their struggles in life. The great thing is that if we did not have the sorrow we would not fully appreciate the joy. happy  Take care and God bless you my friend, Faye



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Faye43 wrote Sep 1, 2009
    • Have a wonderful day my friend :)



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