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Today has been really hard for me. I haven’t felt good all day because of this stupid cold and I have been having this “pity party” for myself because I lost my car.  

Let’s talk about how I was a coward and would not call the auto finance people for fear of what they may say when I realized that things were getting out of hand. My mental state has kept me from doing all of the things I knew I should have been doing. Is it possible to be so depressed that you ignore your responsibilities? Well, I’m paying for it now. Actually, I am tired of crying about the things that I have lost (which are many) and re-living the “Why does everyone leave me?” I’m sick of it. Maybe I am to be alone and live my life out to it’s potential without all of the fixer-uppers I have had in my life.

I really don’t know if I know what love is anymore...Did I ever really know what love is? Probably not if my childhood and the things I saw and experienced while being raised. Rev. Davis once told me to never get married again after me and Biggie (who I was married to for 18 years) broke up (because he decided that he did not want to be married anymore after I raised his children)...but ofcourse, I did not listen! Hell, I got married two times since he told me.  

What is wrong with me?



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Dec 28, 2008
    • Teeky that was wonderful! There is nothing to add other you are not alone......



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Psalmist wrote Dec 28, 2008
    • yeah, i’m with vikki, teek, that said it all!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Deborah Todd wrote Dec 28, 2008
    • Thank you all for the words of wisdom. I wrote this and started not to publish it (fear again) of what someone would think of me.  

      Teeky...the party is at “Last Call“.

      Deb



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Leadinladytracy wrote Dec 28, 2008
    • I ditto Teeky’s post.  

      Great job Teeky happy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Doreen XoXo wrote Dec 28, 2008
    • Have faith Deborah....and Teek....you amaze me with your strength and wise words.  

      xoxo



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jacquie6363 wrote Dec 28, 2008
    • The sista have said it all.  Tori, great advise.

      First we have to realize that we are ourselves are our worse enemy and have to stop beating ourselves up, reach back, kick ourselves in the butt and move on.

      Like Vikki said you are not alone...the trick is to see if you will make it to the finishing line



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Deborah Todd wrote Dec 28, 2008
    • I have been inspired and uplifted. Thanks to all; I feel much better.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Dec 28, 2008
    • AMEN Sistas! great advice, and i at the moment needed to hear it too! lol funny how God works that way!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Maria Louise Van Deuson wrote Dec 28, 2008
    • First, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you per se. We are all human, and no one is perfect. That’s why the eraser was invented!

      Secondly, I’m sorry that you lost your car, but in these difficult economic times many of us are losing a few things (I may be losing my house...)

      Fear is a difficult monster to deal with. But we all need to learn to push past our zone of comfort sometimes. It’s particularly difficult dealing with a big company when we have an issue with making payments! Confrontation isn’t easy for anyone!

      Yes, it IS possible to be so depressed that you ignore responsibilities! One of my psychology professors taught me that depression is anger turned inwards. The fact that you‘re “tired of crying about the things that I have lost (which are many) and re-living...” is a good thing.  

      I suggest that you write down all the things that you want to be different in your life. Don’t let the list overwhelm you, but focus on the positiveness of going forward. Pick something on the list that is the most important, and make a list of things you can do to work toward the goal of making one particular thing better.

      I recommend finding a support group to talk about some of these issues. Therapy does wonders, especially group therapy. A problem shared with someone else, feels like less of a problem than dealing with it alone.

      As far as love? We all seek it. The love of friends will give you strength on your quest for change.

      I wish you well in your future pursuits.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Dec 28, 2008
    • The sisters said it all and thus I am coming from a different angle: You said you lost your car - due to finance or theft?  If it is theft, do you have insurance on your car?  If you have comprehensive coverage, theft is covered under your deductible.  Did you call the police and report it stolen?  Keep the case number. The call the insurance company.
      If it is due to finance, I suggest you call and work with them.  Please tell me more on the end.



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