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It's amazing how pornography is just a click away.  It starts with the cable TV channels.  I've blocked, locked, and password protected the adult channels to keep my husband, ha, no children from accidentally turning them on.  But they still show up in the guide.

We are weaning ourselves off of television so when I get home from errands today, I want to go to the music channels on the TV.  Thinking it's channel 200 I go ahead and dial the number.  I realize this is the wrong channel as big and bold it says, Flirt and Squirt:  Gushing Girls.  Ewww!  How disgusting is that?  Oh, and underneath this it says pay per view, nice and small.  

Have you seen these channels?  No, I don't mean seen, I mean seen, not seen, but seen them in your guide?  Here's the lovely rundown showing today, this is tame compared to other days.

Euro Bimbo 6

Sexual Freak 2

Kinky Bit*&es 4

Skinny Dippin

Are you Smarter than a Slut

Oh, and one is off air – Thank goodness!

What if my son hits guide when I'm down listening to Party Favorites on the music channels and asks if he can watch Euro Bimbo 6?  Or we're sitting down to a great family movie and someone accidentally sits on the remote (in our house it happens all the time) and we get the screen that says "The Towering Rearfono".  I mean, come on!

I'm trying to picture the room where people sit and brainstorm the names of these videos.  There's a big table with 12 people sitting there – most of the probably have all their clothes on.  They have a blank VHS tape (OK, I'm still a little behind-get it?) sitting on the table.

"OK, we got to name this video."

The all sit quietly.

"How about Naked Housewife Threesomes?"

"No, we had Naked in the last video, we need something fresh."

"These Housewives Have Butt?"

"Hmmm, it doesn't really catch the essence of the video."

"Skinny Freaks like Frying Pans?"

"That's getting close.  But we want to appeal the artistic value of the movie."

"Let's watch it again so we can immerse ourselves in the movie to come up with a better title."

It's the same way with the internet, one click and you've got pornography you didn't want.  I've learned to stop typing in websites from memory.  My sister told me to go to a website called Big Bear for rustic cabin furniture so I go and type in Big and guess what I get—-big HAIRY naked fat men!  Oh and remember that if you are trying to visit the White House you have to type in White and not White, let's just say it resembles some of the channels listed above.  To protect my family, I turn on all the internet blockers to go along with all the channel locks.

I guess I was a little too zealous when it took 20 password requests just to get to Yahoo email!  My son complained he couldn't research his homework while my youngest is upset that is blocked!  This doesn't stop the search sites, just like the guide on TV.  I typed in humor and guess what was listed in possible search requests, you got it – along with some words I'd rather not repeat.  Even if you block it, it doesn't stop it from showing up.  I've got to keep working with the blocking software.

The porn or cuss words are wherever you go.  Like watching a great family movie and for no apparent reason they have to add a cuss word to it.  Really, we watched one and there was one cuss word the whole movie, couldn't we go two hours without this?

There's a Hollywood executive saying, "It's a great movie but we don't have the sex scene, what happened to the sex scene?"

"But it's a family movie."  

"Oh, just add a cuss word then."

These words add nothing to the movie, nothing at all.  I watched Marley and Me last night and pondered why did they have to show the couple getting ready to do something in bed, couldn't they infer so I didn't have to cover my son's eyes?  I am so not ready to have this conversation.

I could turn off the computers but I'd go through a Facebook withdraw.  I could just keep the TV off but those music channels are so relaxing.  I'll just remain vigilant to the onslaught of words, visions, inferences.  I'll pass those channels in the guide quickly before someone asks me what Horny Housewives or Rear View Window means.

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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Apr 22, 2009
    • I would hate to have small boys in fact small children as it must be a night mare trying to stop all this coming through.

      Having a TV now in your room is like having an open sewer with the dirt and trash pumped out daily under the guise of entertainment

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