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I watched Sandra Bullocks interview with Barbara Walters. I heard her acceptance speech and saw her teary husband sitting proudly in the audience, and I thought to myself. "What a lucky gal, finally finding a man to complete her after forty".

My stomach twisted when I heard the news of her husbands' infidelity. I felt her pain, humiliation and dismay. In my head I heard her acceptance speech dedicated to her husband and then I saw the other woman.  



Why men cheat? This has been debated over and over for centuries, yet no one has just came out and said it that some men do because they want to. Because it boosts their ego, and makes them feel good. I stumbled on an article by a guy who actually says exactly that.  I "get it", I understand why men cheat, and no, I don't condone it but I'm not surprised by it. What I'm surprised by is everyone's reaction to the infidelity.

What makes Sandra Bullocks discovery of her husbands infidelity worse than that of a regular woman? I'll tell you:  it's in the public! And if that is not bad enough she just put him on a pedestal and announced to the world that he is her hero, and now to find this out is simply devastating. She is probably sitting and thinking how could she not know? Why would he do that, and what didn't she give him that he needed? Sandra should read this article, Why Men Cheat 

I know I will get tons of messages telling me that not all men cheat, I KNOW, but many do, and many women do too. And for those of you who say "not my man or woman"...is that reality or just hope?

Now, why do women cheat? And why is it, that it's rarely publically discussed? Is it because women mostly cheat for different reasons? Whether they are looking for something that they are currently lacking in their relationship, or going through a phase where they need to know that they are still desired by other men.  Or is it simply because most women don't discuss cheating quite as openly as men do? Did you know that according to article by Emily Jackson, “Donor Anonymity and Rights“, “A significant proportion of the population, perhaps as many as 10 per cent, are in fact biologically unrelated to their presumed fathers.“That's 1 out of 10 kids' ladies. WOW, why are we not talking about that?

Maybe along with sex education classes in High School, and college psychology courses, we should introduce that notion that infidelity is reality rather than merely isolated incidences. That not all men or women have the will power, discipline and desire to stay faithful. Call it a "condition," compare it to OCD or habitual lying, or what ever pleases you but let us acknowledge it... not make a circus out of it .

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Member Comments

    • +2 votes vote up vote up

      Stacey Clark wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • Wow I have so many thoughts going on in my head after reading your blog that I guess I should start by saying you are right in the fact that men cheat because they want to and to be quite honest with you I don’t think there is any difference in the fact that women cheat too because they want to as well.  Let me say that I do believe the difference in men and women is for men it is a physical thing and for women it is an emotional thing.  Okay ladies maybe for some of you it is a physical thing too but the majority of women when it comes to sex it is more of an emotional commitment than a physical one.  Now don’t get me wrong for me personally physically it feels wonderful but the emotional connection that my hubby and I have far out weighs the physical for me!  I have openly and honestly told my husband that should he desire to cheat go for it!  I have given myself completely to him in every way and if that is not enough for him I can’t help him!  Maybe this seems harsh to some of you but I am comfortable in my own skin to know that my heart and every ounce of my being is my husbands and I will never blame myself that I didn’t give enough if my husband decided to cheat.  Now trust me I can’t say I wouldn’t want to tie him up in his sleep and kill him or pour baby oil all over the bath room floor when he gets out of the shower so that he can’t get up and than beat him but after that settles my heart will go on.  You know you would do the same thing so no I am not a man hater just an honest women with a very strong spirit LOL!  I don’t think that a man or woman wakes up one day and says, “I feel like cheating today and possibly losing everything,” it is something that takes place maybe because of circumstance, insecurity or whatever but yes Yana you are right it is a sad reality and we need to educate our children about it.  Now as for Sandra Bullock, my heart broke for her as I have grown to love her over the years as family I guess because of watching her in movies forever.  Honestly there is no comparison to her and the trash that her husband cheated on her with but he has lost a good thing and gotten a cheater!  You can be sure she will cheat on him and he will cheat again.  Once a cheater always a cheater in my book for most cases not all but most!  Thanks for sharing the story!



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Ann4rt wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • I believe that men cheat because they can.  My husband works with women who know he is married, yet 2 of them are ready to have an affair with him if he says yes.  They have opportunity.  What every single woman wants is what a married has.  A stable decent guy.  It doesn’t bother them that he is already married. the grass is always greener on the other side.  

      ann



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • I thought my husband was cheating and I was out with some very old friends and after a few drinks I confided in them and who I thought he was cheating with – I thought if I voiced it then it wouldn't' be real. They all were up in arms because I could even think this!
      Not but two weeks later I had the physical proof and yes he was a lovely man and very attentive and very sociable and yes the other woman was dog and has none of the things going that I had.
      When the shouting was over and the tears dried I said why her and his answer was it was available and she made him feel like a million dollars because she came onto him !



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stacey Clark wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • So true Ann about single women!  I was standing right next to my husband and a woman was openly flirting with him!  Crazy how women can be, we are powerful in good ways and can be powerful in bad ways!  God help us!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Annette Nilsson wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • Funny how we seem to blame the woman and not our man when there is cheating going on.....
      I believe that people cheat simply because they can, both men and women.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • I was married to a womanizer for 29 years.  All those years, he adamently denied the suspicions I had.  Toward the end, I found evidence and now wonder just how many there were.

      Our divorce was very public due to the nature of his profession.  It was most painful, and I can feel for Sandra Bullock.  You question why you ever fought so hard to stay together when he can’t respect you enough to remain faithful and honest.

      Why did my husband cheat?  I think he got a high from the conquest of catching other women.  It became an addiction to him.  He has now married the last mistress prior to our divorce.  Do I think he will cheat again?  Since he hasn’t received treatment for this addition - probably.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Jonpaul65 wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • Men cheat because of their own insecurities. Frankly, I don't think it's much different than why women cheat.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Cradicella wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • Men like to sow their oats; they base their self worth on quantity and not quality..it’s as simple as that..

      Women like a sense of security; they base their self worth on where they feel appreciated..quality and not quantity..it’s as simple as that..



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Hunny4me wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • I’m going through this right now.  I just found out in January that my husband has been cheating on me with a very unattractive woman.  He used to tell me all of the time that I was the love of his life and the most beautiful woman in the world.  Since the discovery, I found out that I’m not the first woman he’s cheated on and I certainly won’t be the last.  Why people don’t tell you these things BEFOREHAND is beyond me.  He plays a victim in life with all of his lies and stories to get women to want to “take care of him“.  When he’s done he just finds someone else to drain.  Unfortunately he has a young daughter that has to be dragged through his trail of destruction.  It’s sad.

      Yes, he is a very insecure man despite the fact that he is very handsome.  I also found out he has been deep into alcohol and drug addiction, which I didn’t know about either.  He never did any of it at home.  No wonder why he can’t remember anything at age 38.  I may not be famous, but he is quite well known in our community because of his charm and entertainment value.  Word travels fast.  He has no real friends to speak of anymore because of this.  Good riddance to one sorry excuse for a man!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mindy Wilson wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • I agree with Yana’s earlier statement I think there needs to be discussions in classes. Why not discuss loyalty regarding our friendships and later marriages. Discuss the reality and repercussions of cheating actions. Promote the decision to be a better people and choose to be loyal.

      Choosing to cheat and to be around people married folks SHOULD not spend time around~ is done because that person feels good when they get that attention. They get weak and put themselves in wrong situations and make a bad choice. And of course some people do not value others. They don’t care that they aren’t with their spouse.

      I aim to put everything I can into my marriage, I focus on being a great wife. If my husband wants something else...I know I have done my part and I can’t make him want me when he doesn’t. I’m not saying it wouldn’t hurt, and I may try that baby oil on the floor trick of Stacey’s, but I don’t want someone who doesn’t want me.  

      Mindy



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • Because they can.  It’s not complex, men are not complex.  They are simple.  They can cheat so they cheat.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • I would never ever say “not my man“.  The only person I can say that won’t cheat is me, the only person I can say will cheat is me.  

      Nobody never knows the heart of other another.  My mother says if you don’t have the spirit of God living in you, you don’t even know if or when you yourself will cheat....now that’s scary.  Sex has ruined the most powerful men and women throughout the history of the world and will continue until the end of time.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jbk47 wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • They cheat- its as simple as that.  Every man I’ve been with cheated, and they tried to make it my fault.  I wasn’t attentive enough, I did not cook enough, not enough sex - just not enough. For all the women who give a man everything, my advice “don’t do it“.  Save you for you. The women who get cheated on are accomplished, hard working intelligent women, not lazy bimbos, as the men want to make them out to be.

      For now I’m concentrating on me, when I meet an eligible guy, I’m gonna let him know up front, “if you cheat on me prepare to get cut.” (I’m laughing).  Seriously, next relationship, I’m gonna save me for me.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Critcher wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • 3sa you are absolutely right, they are simple human being that loves attention especially from the ladies.

       I think it’s the bright an armed prince that will save the day syndrome, it was that way with me. He wanted to save this poor lady because everybody had done her wrong at one time or another. What he didn’t know is that she was the one that brought it  on herself. He thought he had to save her, in the long run he needed to save himself but he hasn’t realized that yet.
      He liked the fact that she was a sick women and all she wanted was nasty sex, but unfortunately not only did that bite him it bite me too!
      I’m glad I found out what a shallow little person this man truly was.
      I’m on this earth today to be my true self and to be happy not be measurable the rest of my life.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stacey Clark wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • 3sa your mama is soooo right and even with the spirit of God living in you temptation to cheat is a powerful thing but thank God greater is He that is in me and will provide a way of escape if I want it!  I tell my girlfriends all the time that my husband and I have serve God together and we have to work just as hard everyday to stay together and committed!!  It’s a mind set!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yana Berlin wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • Great discussion ladies,

      I discussed infidelity with all of my kids, I felt that now that they are young adults it should be something that they are aware of. My mom is my hero, she taught me many things, and shared many stories that impacted my life and life of others around me.

      When I just got married she told me this story:  She was 17 and few months pregnant when she attended a party where women were talking about their husbands infidelity, and discussing their marriage afterwards.  After listening to them, my mom at 17 proclaimed that “My husband will never cheat on me, and if he does, I will leave him“. An older woman took her hand and gently told her, “honey, only a young, naive girl of 17 can make such statement. Never vouch for anyone but yourself, and never say that you will leave, because you just never know until you are placed in that situation.” when my mom opened her mouth to say something, the woman stopped her and said: “and never judge the ones that stay“.  

      Sandra Bullocks fans are screaming that she should not take her husband back, putting unnecessary pressure during this horrible time.

      Betrayal is a horrible feeling, celebrity or not, it's up to the woman to decide what to do and no one has the right to judge her



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mindy Wilson wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • From Yana Snip:“"and never judge the ones that stay".  

      Sandra Bullocks fans are screaming that she should not take her husband back, putting unnecessary pressure during this horrible time.

      Betrayal is a horrible feeling, celebrity or not, it’s up to the woman to decide what to do and no one has the right to judge her.” Snip

      Mindy Says:

      Good points Yana, I believe things can turn around for a couple if they want it to. I don’t believe that infidelity takes away your power to be happy and to make your life just what you want. We decided how we want to live and a couple can do the very same together!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Karyn Olson wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • For me I think it’s an ego thing and the fact they can do it and will do it....when I was married my husband use to cheat repeatedly...and every time I took him back...so I guess in the sense I allowed him to...Today I am a different person and there is no way in hell that I would let anyone treat me that way again...as soon as I see or hear of it...they are out the door.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • I just don’t truly believe that a woman’s husband who has cheated with multiple woman and its all in the papers and magazine everyday and on the internet and everywhere you look can truly forgive and for sure can never forget ..unless they both go live in a CAVE somewhere.  

      Just about when you think you have forgiven him, you turn on the TV or open a magazine, or surf the web and there it is again...you‘re man cheated on you and didn’t even use protection....wow....how nasty....



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stacey Clark wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • I can’t say that I have not personally passed judgment on another woman that has been cheated on (if she chose to take her man back) but the older I have gotten I have realized that I have enough drama in my own life to take on the drama of another woman’s life.  For me personally I have not been cheated on BUT and I know you can never say never but with all of the disease out their that is enough for me to not take my hubby back God forbid he should choose to cheat!  I could care less what people think and hopefully Sandra Bullock and any other woman out there feels the same way!  My heart breaks for any woman that gets cheated on period what they decide to do with it they have to live with!  Power and strength to the woman that believes enough in herself and the decision that she makes!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Yana Berlin wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • @3sa, this is why I’m always amazed when people say they would love to be a celebrity....

      When you are a celebrity, you truly have no personal life, everything from good to bad is out in the open, and everyone has something to say about it.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • Yep Yana...:( tis very sad ...but I guess that’s taking the good with the bad????At least if you husband cheats on you with multiple women you don’t have to worry about paying the rent ...but you can relax and cry on your yacht call privacy....heartbreak



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Youngatheart46 wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • Yes, it’s terribly sad and cheating is more and more accepted - look at all the TV shows and movies that pretty much okay it.  Society morals are in the dumpster and it’s only getting worse.  

      I read an article about “midlife crisis” and it’s said cheating is normal and don’t say anything or you’ll end up in DivorceLand; what kind of advise is that!!!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Eileenie wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • I think the article fails to mention a very key point: men in power.  I think the author is someone who has some serious power and provides extremely well for his family.  He's not your average Joe, mostly happy to be going through life.  The author craves power/influence and this is how he credits himself for it.  Also the travel is key to supporting his needs.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Brimstone1968 wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • You really wonder why men cheat for real.  I was at SAMS Club waiting in line at the deli and the guy infront of me turned around and started a conversation.  Being poliete I conversed with him, and he told me the lady infront of him with the child in the buggie is the lady he is going to marry in 6 months.  He quickly turned our conversation into how he is admiring me and next I know he wanted my number.  Now, bearing in mind his soon to be wife is less than 10 feet away.  I felt like telling her RUN RUN RUN.  He is already looking elsewhere and he has not tied the knot.  I could only imagine how miserable he is going to make her life.  I think he thought I was going to fall for him but that made me so sick.
      It is all about thre letter EGO.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Stacey Clark wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • Okay ladies this comment comes straight from my husband who came home for lunch and naturally I filled his ears with our on going chat about “why men cheat?”

      Straight from his mouth, “tell them why is it that the media doesn’t cover why women cheat as much as why men cheat?  I know plenty of women who have cheated and nothing is ever said.

      So there you have it fabulous women what do you think about his comment?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Darlene Sabella wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • Years ago, I had a best friend named Jeff, he was such a fox, and his girlfriend was gorgous to boot.  He was always meeting girls in the clubs, women adore him.
      One day I asked Jeff, what up with this cheating Jeff, this is what he told me, his girlfrinds name was Sally, “Sally want me to stop smoking and nags about that, she always telling me to take my feet off the coffee table, tells me to go brush my teeth, she just thinks she is so up their.  We when I meet this young gorgous women they look up at me with aw, they are so excited when I pick the up in a limo, where Sally would be upset if I was one minute late.  To be honest with you, I like to be admired and look up at like I’m a man, Sally never gives me that.”

      When his girlfriend, sally broke up with him, he was so crushed but she moved on and so did he.  I think he has something there in what he said...think about it....heartbreak



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Michelle05 wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • I was quite surprised that Sandra Bullock was attracted to someone like Jesse James in the first place!  He just seems like a greasy, tattooed biker... I don’t see her that way at ALL!  She illuminates sincerity, honesty, kindness, etc...

      I think he cheated with someone more his true level - Sandra deserves better!

      My ex-husband cheated (lived a double life) for over a year.  I believe it all has to do with a cheaters low self-esteem.  If your not “in love” with your spouse - then you get out.  You don’t hang on to them while having an affair.  Some people must find self-validation in affairs because of the whole newness of a new relationship that a long term marriage sometimes loses.

      Anyway, there IS life after an affair and people DO NOT need to be validated by anyone outside of themselves.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Victorious wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • Most persons do not understand what commitment realy means.Men and women have different needs and we need to take the time to find out what these needs are. EGO for men if not tamed will continue to let them make very selfish decisions. Because of this one minute of passion create a lifetime of pain....So sad.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kimfabulous wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • I do not think there is one formula that applies to all who cheat.  I agree that women and men are motivated to cheat for different reasons. Sociopaths that cheat with whomever, whenever are clearly motivated by different reasons than an individual that is genuinely decent but strays.  The former perhaps perceives that something in their relationship is missing.  It is their perception and not meant to apply fault elsewhere.  However, I do believe that a partner can be open to addressing that perception for the benefit of the relationship.  He doesn’t feel sexy? Do your part to make him feel that way. He needs more excitement? Try to provide that without compromising your values, etc.  If your effort cannot change the direction of your relationship a professional and then re-evaluating whether staying in the relationship is plausible...when all else fails may be warranted.  Be pro-active, give it a finite period of time and then move on if need be for your benefit and his.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sanndy wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • Wow, I have to say that I believe most men cheat cause they can, others because they want more than what they have been getting, and then those that need to feel the feeling of excitement of doing something sneaky. I guess there has to be many different reasons. I know that when my four children were small, there was not as much time as my husband would have liked for us and so for that reason/excuse he cheated. I can see how he would’ve gotten more attention, intimacy, etc. etc. from a woman who did not have to clean, cook, wash clothes take the kids to school, the doctor, piano, ballet, etc.,etc. So is it right/fair/acceptable/understandable? Hell no, but for the sake of the children, waiting til he grows out of this phase, or just too tired to fight, we accept it. I truly believe that if they‘re going to cheat then they must master the art to never let any symptoms show so that the significant other would never know. As for Sandra Bullock, I’m sure that she must feel terrible to have praised that sneaky two timing bum, but you live and you learn.....



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lazylola wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • In my opinion women are more discreet about it, they‘re certainly not going to share this with the same women they sit around and gossip with.  

      I live in a military town, back in my clubbing days, I met many a married man willing to forget he was married, they didn’t even bother removing their rings or denying the fact they had a spouse and family. They were simply passing through and if the opportunity was there, they took it. By the same token many a married military wife was also ready to hook up with those passing through while their husbands were away.

      Quite sad. For the record I passed on the married guysestatic, but witnessed many people I knew that didn’t seem bothered as they felt they weren’t hurting anyone. My thoughts were more on how often did they do that.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Maryann Rhodey wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • I agree with you Kimfabulous - there isn’t just one formula for cheaters.  My brother in law has cheated on my sister several times.  He is always sorry and wants to work things out.  Why does he cheat?  Maybe it’s the thrill of the secret, maybe he feels neglected and the attention makes him feel better, maybe he has low self esteem, maybe this, maybe that...there isn’t just one reason.  My father-in-law cheated on my mother-in-law so many times.  She never knew until he left her for someone else.  Why would he do that?  No one will ever know.  They do it for their own reasons. Women too.  We can talk about what we think is the reason but we will never truly know.  

      The idea of talking about your ethics and morals with your family is a great place to start.  When children are little they learn from their parents about telling the truth, how to treat others, etc.  Just as parents teach all of the basics, cheating is another basic that needs to be discussed and taught.  It doesn’t matter if the schools teach it, it all needs to begin at home.  

      The fact that there are adults who cheat will probably always be a part of society because sadly, there are people who will never hear the lessons or think those lessons don’t apply to them.  

      As for Sandra Bullock, she needs to make her own decisions.  I agree with you Yana, it has to be so difficult to be a star.  Your life is not your own.  EVER!  People feel they have the right to judge these stars and feel they know them because they see them in movies playing characters they may like or identify with.  These stars are people just like you and me.  They will have their own ups and downs except their ups and downs will be headline news. Just as we make our own decisions, these stars need to be able to make their own decisions,whether we like their decisions or not.

      Such a thought provoking topic, Yana!  I think you found a hot one!  Loved reading your blog.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Pinkpebblz wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • Simply put, men cheat because they CAN. Women outnumber men. Women would rather share a man than be alone. Men benefit from the odds. Temptation is a hard pill to swallow. If you take a chance on a relationship, just be willing to be sure that you trust your man. The rest is up to chance and the odds are 50/50. Not the best odds...



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Lourdes López wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • I believe like most of you it’s because they can, they like, they want, they need... just as us can, but don’t want to, like, but think it over, need but put it aside for the needs of others... there are many different reasons why we get involved in a relationship in the first place.
      I was cheated on almost 3 years ago. I take responsibility for the depression I was going through at the time: I had lost an advanced pregnancy that “we” had desired for years (treatments, etc..). I was doing my best to keep up but he had lost interest.
      One night I was having a business dinner in a restaurant I had never been before (he was supposedly out of town), when he walks in with his mistress. If this hadn’t happened I would have never known... and that thought gives me the creeps! I didn’t think it twice and stood up for everything I’m worth, left him out of the house and never took him back...
      It took me a while to overcome that. Specially lots of therapy! Today, I socialize very little. Mostly hang out with my family and close friends and franckly Im ready to go out again. Love to love.
      Well monday I was looking for an apartment for a good friend near my home and came across a beautiful property. I asked if it was for rent, next thing I met the owner. Next thing: we had a good conversation, he’s work is related to mine we exchange business cards and agree to meet. We had coffee today along with a good business meeting and nice conversation. Then after that he calls me and invites me to lunch. He’s handsome, succesfull and very polite. A nice guy. But I never gave him any signs of personal interest: cause he is married!
      I can’t and will never forget the feeling of worthlessness when I was cheated on. I wish no one, female or male, to be in that dark and hurtful place.
      So I passed on lunch...

      Thanks for all of your posts. Is good to read you.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Sunshine09 wrote Mar 26, 2010
    • Yes..because they can. They have no self-respect nor respect for their woman. Heartbreaking!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Wookiemom09 wrote Mar 27, 2010
    • As a woman who found out my 1st husband cheated multiple times then we separated.  I took him back when he said he was sorry, our marriage counselor thought he was truthful and for 2 years it was good.  Then I found him on singles websites, chatting and downloading porn.  For him it was the the thrill of the chase, someone who didn’t nag or gripe about daily life as they had the dinners, fun and sex.  He wanted to be wanted.  It was hard to be ready for sex every night working 10 hours a day and raising a son then trying to keep up the house and bills.  Plus I gained weight but so did he, he just didn’t see it.  

      I have a friend who is cheating on her husband.  He is a workaholic who is only home a few days a month and obsessed with making money and growing his business.  I haven’t told him but given him hints to take her on a mini-vacation, be more romantic and his response “I make the money and she can get a massage to relax on my credit card“. She is in it for the companionship as much as being wanted and needed.  Her boyfriend is younger and willing to have her when he can. He is allowed to date others but doesn’t (that she knows of) as he likes the arrangement as it is.  She has given her husband plenty of talks about being lonely, needing him home more and wants this to work.  They don’t have kids and it is both of their second marriages.  

      So where do we have the right answer?  I know I won’t cheat as I have felt that pain and sadness to never inflict it on anyone else.  My current husband was cheated on by his first wife and he says he won’t do that to anyone else.  Being young and making mistakes is one thing but Sandra and Jesse are older and know the universe they share together will explode around them.  And Jesse’s kids are involved as well!!  They can read and see TV and know what is being said.  They are the true losers because their school mates will be happy to ridicule them for their famous father’s poor choices. Look at how the media likes to air anyone’s bad hair day much less a bombshell like this.  No one can tell them what to do or how to fix this marriage. They choose what happens from here.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Kathy66 wrote Mar 27, 2010
    • I read a book written by Barbara D‘Angeles that talks about the concept that maybe there isn’t just one person meant to be our significant other eternally. The book is called “are You The One For Me“. Maybe it is our conditioning that leads us to believe that we can only have THAT ONE always & forever. I’m not a cheater nor do I condone it by any means but I feel there may be a connection between the 2. I am 43 and divorced for many years now. Partly because I have experienced being cheated on, more then once. Once I read this book and talked with a very open minded friend it seemed to make some sense. We are all different and depending on what age we married, how well we know each other, WHY we married, what issues we have had individually prior to marrying, including many other things makes a difference in the path our relationships take. I’ve had several relationships over the years and learned from each but maybe it’s not until we are in our later 30’s, 40’s & up that we should start looking for eternal love. Maybe by then, all the “prowling” will be out of ones system? Maybe we will know ourselves well enough at these ages to actually share in a healthy, faithful relationship? Some food for thought perhaps. For some, many, that may never be but I’d rather be alone then be in an unhealthy relationship obviously.
      I’m sorry for those who have endured being cheated on and do agree, both men & women do it. Neither is better then the other as a woman hitting a man is not any more acceptable then a man hitting a woman. Only in self defense!
      Sincerely,
      Kathyhappy



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anne Lyken-Garner wrote Mar 27, 2010
    • This is a really powerful discussion going here. Sorry I’m late. I’ve been tied up in stuff about a house we hope to buy and move into.
      I agree with some of your suggestions as to why men cheat, Yana. In fact, incidentally, I recently wrote an article on my ‘The Relationship Supermarket.com’ blog entitled, ‘Why Women Cheat.’ You’ll see a lot of similarities there.
      It’s shocking that 1 in 10 kids are related to dads. Wow! I didn’t know that.



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    • +1 votes vote up vote up

      Marya1961 wrote Mar 27, 2010
    • It’s a very sad thing all the way around.  It hurts everyone and nothing good comes out of it...but unfortunately none of us are immune and we as women need to be informed to the clues and not be naive..on a personal note, I have said to hub (in case it ever crossed his mind), he can take from me anything but my integrity and dignity, that he will never have!..I feel for Sandra.frown



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Tok08 wrote Mar 27, 2010
    • Given that man is biologically programmed to spread his seed far and wide and woman is programmed to be the nest builder and to have the one man to protect her it has always amazed me that the institution of marriage was ever developed. It works for the woman in theory, but it doesn’t fit in with a man’s imperative. We‘re constantly battling with biology.

      I am in no way condoning cheating, and it constantly amazes me why men bother getting married at all when they have absolutely no intentions of remaining faithful. Ah yes, I remember, they actually like having the comfort blanket to fall back on. I think it’s called having your cake and eating it!

      Allen and Barbara Pease have written a series of really excellent objective books explaining our biology and how to deal with these realities - check out
      Why men don’t listen and women can’t read maps and
      Why Men Lie and women cry



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Mar 27, 2010
    • Truthfully, I feel overwhelmed by all the publicity that both Jesse James and Tiger Woods have had on their infidelities.  Honestly, I just want it to stop.  Infidelities in relationships, married or not, happen all the time and they aren’t broadcast on every news channel or the internet.  I feel terrible for both Sandra Bullock and Elin Woods.  What their men did to them is terrible.  But, the truth is men and women alike do cheat.  It would be nice if people could be upfront with their significant others and just say what they‘re feeling, instead of cheating outside the relationship.  I am so sick of hearing about Tiger and Jesse.  These are really personal issues that don’t need to be broadcast for the whole world to hear.  The women that these men cheated with just want money and some kind of fame, that’s why these are so public.  Infidelity is such a personal thing-I have felt the gut wrenching pain of this myself in the past, and I know I certainly would not want this broadcast on the news.  It’s humiliating and painful.  It’s depressing and sad to watch these stories unfold on tv and the internet. Just my 2 cents.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Mar 27, 2010
    • Men cheat because they had the option. Most men like my husband cheat because he felt as a couple we were not connecting anymore and he did not feel apart of the family and, no I did not leave him.  In reference to Sandra Bullock situation the decision  is hers and only hers to make regarding leaving or staying with her husband.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Anonymous wrote Mar 28, 2010
    • I believe it is all about self esteem.  A cheater is selfish and the people they hook up with are even more selfish than they are.  The man with low self esteem and the woman he finds whose self esteem is even lower than his.  If all women would realize that a man that wants to cheat is not a prize and just said “thanks, but no thanks” than the men would have no one to cheat with!  Women need to realize their own power and not be dependent on a man, any man, to define who we are and who we‘re with.  People will live up to or down to whatever expectations we set for them.  I think we need to set the bar higher for ourselves.

      I believe a marriage can survive a cheater, if both parties talk and are realistic about what they expect from the marriage.  And if the person cheats again, then perhaps they are just not ready to be responsible for their own actions and in a committed relationship.

      But from my point of view, if all women would say No to the cheating man, then that would prevent a lot of infidelities.  Just don’t be available for them.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Kathryn O'Hara wrote Mar 29, 2010
    • My condolences,lurrichenta, on the loss of your child.  And a depression caused by a baby’s death is certainly not something to apologise for.  I hope you are doing well now.

      I think people cheat because they can.  And I think that women cheat as often as men, they just don’t brag about it, conquest like.  My husband and I have agreed that there is a line you just don’t cross when you are married.  Tempation, and we are all tempted at times, does not mean infidelity and it does not need to be acted upon.  It is just temptation.

      And lets’ face it, marriage requires work at times.  I’d like to drink a glass of wine and read Robert Parker, but he wants to get laid...



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