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I’m a 40 yr old mother of 4, g-ma of one and one to be.  I’ve been married 3 times....divorced twice and widowed once.  My first marriage lasted 3 yrs, he cheated.  My second marriage, widowed after 10 yrs.  My third marriage, lasted one year....I believe I was just missing my husband that passed away.  Well that and he had an ad on the internet looking for women while he was working out of town. After that marriage I was in a 4 yr relationship where it ended up he cheated (found phone number hidden in his wallet from when he worked out of town) and found out that he was addicted to coke.  So needless to say I’ve been lied to, cheated on, and did I say lied to??  The internet is nothing but a form of hell for me!  And trusting someone else again.....it’s soooooo freakin hard!!!

I’m in a “good” relationship now.  A year and a half.  We met on the internet......chatted, shared “pics“, sexually chatted, etc.  After 6 months or so we moved in together.  Because of my past and playing “detective” for quite sometime.....my inner voice spoke to me again.  I found in his phone a text to a girl “friend“.  “I always have a job for you.”  Was ready to throw him to the curb then.....but didn’t.  He ended up going through all his old pic’s, letters, things on his computer (basic packrat).  Said he loved me very very much and wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.  There’s been several times that he’s been “suspicious.” But I don’t want to play “detective” anymore!  I want to trust him!!  

I can’t help to think that if things keep going the way they are.....my not trusting him is going to break up this relationship.  

**Note:  the Great Creator ALWAYS showed me when something was wrong......in one way or another.....he showed me.
I want to stop!!!!  I need to stop!!!



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Evelyn03 wrote Sep 16, 2008
    • It sounds like you’ve been burned many times.  I’ve just left a relationship that was completely unhealthy- he was an emotional abuser.  However, I needed to take a better look at MYSELF to see why I allowed my fears to overrun my logic and judgment.  The answer is within me, not within another relationship.  Doesn’t mean I don’t want another relationship at some point, but for now, I need to focus on finding peace within myself.  Someone once asked me, “What is it that YOU want, and why do you always look for it in someone else?”  From that point on, I’ve been working on me, and, hey, I’m starting to like little bits of me.

      If you want and need to stop, you have the power within yourself to stop.  Good luck!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Gott2beme wrote Sep 16, 2008
    • Thank you!  I completely understand!!
      You know I’ve never been alone....without a mate.......
      I should of allowed time for me!
      This guy I have now has bent over backwards for me!! Anytime I get that feeling.....he doesn’t mind me going through his stuff. He just hopes that some day I can get over it.....me too!!! Hahahahaha
      Again...thank you!!  And good luck to you also!!  :)



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Msdlcraig wrote Sep 16, 2008
    • Have faith.  Trust in yourself and your inner feelings. You have the ability to make it with or without him so either way you WILL be OK.  Follow your heart. Best of luck!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Gott2beme wrote Sep 17, 2008
    • Thank you msdlcraig!
      For me the word trust is something that comes hard in my life anymore!!
      I know I can make it on my own. And I know that I will be ok.
      It’s hard to follow a heart that has never been taken for what it’s worth......I was only made to believe it was.
      But thank you!!



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