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Last night my husband had a freak out melt down.  The bottom line for him went something like this:

“If you hadn’t spent so much of your time taking care of EVERYBODY else, then you wouldn’t have created this situation [cancer and need for hysterectomy etc.]and we wouldn’t be having to deal with all this!!!” [insert visual of crazy man with reddened face and flailing hands]

All I could do was look at him like this....

Ok...I am willing to provide excuses like: he’s scared, he’s stressed out because it’s his job that’s providing the insurance for me, he’s tired, he needs to blame something or someone for this and I’m safe.

I don’t know, but I kept waiting for those words to reverberate through the universe and find their way back into his aural cavities so that maybe he could hear what he just said and start the apology train a‘runnin‘.

It is now about 12 hours later and he still hasn’t figure it out.  No apologies forthcoming.

In his mind, this is all my fault.

It boggles.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jean Walter wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • Hi Glynda~
      Sorry to read about your situation and many heartfelt prayers to you...
      My guess would have to be that your husband seems to be venting his fears and anxiety’s and is probably just scared... I have never experienced anyone going through any type of “cancer” but know a lot of women that have had to have hysterectomy’s..Please know this is not your fault...statistics show that each year more than 600,000 are done.
      I will pray that once your husband has had time to reflect on what he has said to you that he will embrace you with open arms and support you through this time!

      Just wanted you to know you have friends to fall back on, if needed!



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Daphne wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • Un-freaking-believable!!!  NO ONE deserves THAT kind of accusation.  I hope you decide to calmly ask him what was the motivation behind that statement!  If he can’t come up with something you can truly sink your teeth into, i hope you tell him that he owes you one ENORMOUS apology!  He certainly can’t take it back but he needs to accept full ownership for that one!

      Just in case you‘re thinking, even for a second, that he may have a point...STOP RIGHT THERE.  

      If your husband truly believes that negative begets negative, what must be coming in HIS direction after making a statement like he did???

      With all my heart, i believe that the pain inflicted upon a person cannot be deeper or longer-lasting than the spoken word.  Like my father used to say, “You can’t unring a bell.”



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Linni wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • i agree with Daphne!

      my daddy used to say, " once it passes the lips, it CAN NEVER be taken back!

      i am so sorry you have to go through this..

      Keep your chin up and a smile on your face!

      Linni



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      3sa wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • He can’t fix it.  He actually feels that he has failed you.  Men always want to fix something, I guess it’s in their makeup.  That does not excuse his behavior.  Even though he secretly fears that he might lose you or have some preconceived ideas about hysterectomies/cancer he should come to you soon as apologize. On the other hand,not to worry you will be fine.  Jeanie is right, although it’s major surgery, it’s very routine.  I’ve had a partial because of fibroids.  Give him some time, he will come around to seeing what an azz he was, they always do.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mztracy wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • think he is scared...
      BUT that is no excuse for saying that to you!!!

      A huge apology is so needed here!!
      big huggzzz



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Daphne wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • BTw...that picture is hysterical!  I love how you injected humor into this very serious topic.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Bluerose wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • 3sa is totally correct.  Hang in there.  hug



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      UK Girl wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • Honey I’m so sorry - yes he might be scared but he is also an adult and saying that isn’t going to make the situation better .......

      Hang on in there ...... remember you have us Fab40 ladies



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Glyndathegood wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • You ladies are amazing and wonderful.  Thank you all for the support.  I really need your thoughts on this.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Denise Richardson wrote Jan 23, 2009
    • WOW! here it is again that ugly demon spirit of Cancer poking its head into someone elses life, I’m so sorry to hear of your ordeal my prayers are with you and your family, please excuse your hubby he doesn’t mean any of the things he’s said its just that he doesn’t know how to handle this. I have and am dealing with a cancer issue in my family have been for sometime lost both parents to it and now a brother suffers with it but all in all in remain hopeful and prayerful that God’s will be done. I shall add your family to my prayer list as well seeing that it has grown within the past few weeks and mostly everyone dealing withthis same demon spirit Cancer, stay positive and take care of you.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Mar 15, 2009
    • I missed this post and hope by now, everything is better.  Let us know.



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