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Benefits
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Benefits
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On Oprah today I watched as she did a segment on the women living in Copenhagen, Denmark. I was struck by the comments of one particular woman. She is tall, lean, blonde, 44 years old and enjoying her singleness.
Denmark has been named by researchers as the happiest country in the world. There is free health care, free college (as a matter of fact, students are actually paid to attend college), a year paid maternity leave and four years support if you lose your job.
How is this paid for? A 50% tax rate. Yet these beautiful women that Oprah interviewed were glowing with happiness. The 44 year old single woman commented that because she is financially secure, she doesn't need to be married to be happy. Oprah described how different it is in the States were women obsess over being married. Or better said, they obsess about GETTING married not being married.
That really got me to thinking. I have two friends who are desperate to be married. Beautiful, intelligent....actually tall, lean blondes in their thirties who are so anxious about NOT being married that they are a wreck.
Physical symptoms like TMJ, ulcers and even hemmorhoids are torturing their lovely young bodies as they go from man to man literally exhausting themselves in the search. Here is the time when they are young, strong and vibrant beings and they are not enjoying a bit of it.
I am 56. My body is changing shape. Hair is growing from places that it shouldn't be. My energy and stamina is also changing and dictating what hobbies and activities I can do. I have hot flashes that melt off my makeup and wilt my hair style. (And you thought I cut my hair to be stylish! Ha!) I am happier than I have ever been.
I am also married and I am grateful for that and enjoy being married completely, even though there are days that I miss the total freedom of being single. Ironically, my single clients pine for my married status, mistakenly thinking that being in a couple is the key to happiness.
Happiness is not tied to our circumstances. Happiness is a point of view. Not many of us would like to be paying 50% of our income to the government and yet research shows Denmark to be the happiest country on the planet. That makes you think, doesn't it.
If you are single and unhappy I can tell you one thing for sure. Unhappiness is VERY unappealing. How fun is it for you to be in the presence of grouchy, complaining unhappy people. In order to attract the relationship of your dreams, you must find happiness first.
There really is nothing more attractive than a happy content person. It isn't marriage that brings that, it is YOU.
I generally don’t watch Oprah, so I did not see the show. It seems unfair to compare these ladies of Denmark with those of us who live in the western capitalistic culture. We are taught to be competitive. Our society thrives on this. Our industry depends on for growth and advancement.
Denmark society is akin to a new type of socialism. The government plays an important role in everyones everyday life. It makes decisions for you, and heavily subsidizes your lifestyle. In doing this it has for the most part erased a lot of the stresses in life and created an almost classless society in which its citizens regard each other as equals. They can work and socialize with each other without being competitive. The thrill isn’t in winning, it is in sharing and being a part of the group.
I am not sure what the deal is with these single 44 year old women who claim to be happy. Indeed, happiness is a state of mind. It is a decision to settle for things and conditions that you have and the ability to make peace with and accept things (good and bad) that come your way.
I am single, 44, all my material needs are met. If I could accept this as enough and be content with just spending time occasionally with friends, and flitting around casually on the social scene then I could be happy. But our biology tells us that we are meant to be part of something more. My senses crave the togetherness one gets only from being in a relationship. Not just any relationship, but one in which there is a real connect.
This does not mean that I walk around with a wretched look on my face, complaining to everyone who would listen. Quite the opposite. I enjoy being around people and I always maintain an upbeat attitude in groups. Its only my closest girlfriends that I would sometimes sit with and contemplate my plight. I expect them to understand.
I am not knocking Oprah or the Danes, but I suspect their conditions, upbringing and socialization are different to ours and it seems unfair to compare.
Edited to Add...
Just wanted to add that for many women getting married is important as it serves as confirmation that this other person has chosen to commit himself to us and to a future together. It is the biggest compliment a woman can receive.
Well, the world ratio of women to men is 14 to 3, so those who find a man worth a damn thumbs up to them. I for one and most of my friends are single women and we‘re happy. No one to try and tell us what do do, or who to see and when we should be home. Sure it would be nice to find someone to commit to, but since it hasn’t happened, we‘re not crying our eyes out over being chased but not caught. Some men are intimidated by independent women and use them, and some men think that independent women should take care of them. I am glad that I am not desperate enough to settle for either and never will be. If the opportunity comes, fine, if it doesn’t, that’s fine too. Happiness is a state of mind, and single, married, alone or coupled, I know what makes me happy!
Well written an interesting topics!
Fortunately, I’m married and happy too so yeah! I don’t want or desire life to be any other way. He’s a part of me and I have have perfect life with him. I totally agree that we are in control of our own happiness. I don’t need my husband to make me happy, I’m responsible for that. I refuse to be an unhappy person. Sure, families go through bumpy times (finances, job changes, teen hormones) but storms do pass. (hey, I forgot I created a greeting card with that saying ;) )
I’m really not sure what to say of the people in Denmark. I would love for people learn to be more comfortable with themselves before trying to gain a spouse.
I wouldn’t choose to be around people who are negative and constantly unhappy. However, I would talk to a friend who was stuck in a negative rut about finding ways to work around the negative things in her life. Focus on something you love. If you can’t find something, there really IS something wrong. LOL!
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