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I got this list from a group I’m a part of, when I told them I was going to try and move back to the Carolinas..it was written for NC but it’s true in both. So, the numbered entries are the original..the notes beneath the numbered entries are my own “comments” if you will.

Enjoy!

This made me laugh til I cried, mostly cause it’s so true. God, I miss home. Just for the record, I can and do speak and write properly when I need to, but I’ve learned to embrace my inner southerner and enjoy her, so take this in the spirit of fun that it’s intended.

Just a few comments...

THINGS I LEARNED IN NORTH CAROLINA..

1) A possum is a  flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the  road.

Real rednecks call this supper...us upper classers don’t eat possum, we have pig pikin’s.

2) There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in NC.

Pertnear...

3) There are 10,000 types of spiders, and all 10,000 of them live in NC.

There’s a few that ain’t there, but they make up fer em with palmetto bugs (water bugs to the natives) that are like roaches the size of your hand.

4) If it grows, it’ll stick  ya.  If it crawls, it’ll  bite   cha.

LOL..not everything sticks, but there’s enough briars to go round.  

5) “Onced” and “Twiced” are  words.

Not sure on this one...never used those words that I recall.

6) It is not a shopping cart,  it’s a buggy.

Course it’s a buggy...brings back memories of Piggly Wiggly and Bi-Lo.

7) “Jaw-P?” means, “Did  y‘all go to the bathroom?”

D‘Jaw’ll-P is the correct spelling.  

8) People actually grow and  eat okra.

Love me some okra...love it boiled and slimy and deep fried is God’s bounty. I heard somewhere about a restaurant in Arkansas or Missouri someplace that has fried okra in a barrel and that’s the thing on the tables, not peanuts.  Makes good sense to me. I’d go just for that.

9) “Fixinto” is one  word.

Yup, fixin-ta goda town.

10) There is no such thing as  lunch.  There is only dinner and then there is  supper..

Lunch is for uppities who “dine“. We in the south eat, real food, real portions, real good.

11) Iced tea is appropriate  for all meals, and you start drinking it when you‘re two.  We do like a  little tea with our sugar.

Nothin, but nothin beats summer days like sweet tea on ice - I miss it - can’t drink it much anymore for all the sugar but lordy I love it.  

12) Backwards and forwards  means, “I know everythin’  about  you.”

means I know everythin about everythin...LOL.  

13) The word “jeet” is  actually a phrase meaning, “Did you eat  ?”

it’s actually didjeet?

14) You don’t have to wear a  watch, because it doesn’t matter what time it is.  You work until you‘re  done or it’s too dark to see.

You must be mistaken the modern southerner with the old fashioned farmers. Most southerners these days punch clocks like the rest of folks.  

15) You don’t PUSH buttons,  you MASH em.

True. We mash taters too but it ain’t the same thing.  

16) You measure distance in minutes.

Yup, and give directions based on trees, barns, restaurants and that big ass peach sitting on top of the tower that looks like someone’s ass.

17) You switch from heat to A/C in the same  day.

 That’s true in California too and it’s a hell of a lot drier.

18) All the festivals across  the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or  animal.

Oh yeah..love me some watermelon and peach festivals!

19) You know what a “Dawg”  is.

Dawg is a multifaceted term.  Those in Georgia think it’s that bulldog that mascots UGA.  Most in the Carolinas use it like the Brits use “mate“.

20) You carry jumper cables  in your car - for your own car.

You never know when you might need em, especially in the stupid heat of summer.  

21) You only own five spices: salt,  pepper, Texas Pete , Tabasco and  ketchup.

Nah, I’ve evolved into a many-spiced cook...I learned from Paula Deen.

22) The local papers cover  national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local  gossip and high school football.

Well, of course.  After all, those idiots in Washington don’t know shit...we wanna know what’s happenin’ down the street.  

23) You think that the first day of deer season is a national  holiday.

Not a hunter, but this is damn true of the south.  

24) You find 100 degrees “a bit warm.”

Now, here’s one place where I don’t do the fan yourself, sipping lemonade is flimsy dresses deal. Hell no, lock my ass up inside with the ac on 65 and a good movie on tv (and some cold sweat tea, fried chicken, tater salad and cole slaw).

25) You know all four  seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and  Christmas.

ROFL...nah, we have seasons...there’s spring - that’s bad ass thunderstorm season, we have “omg it’s too freaking hot to live” summer, we have “every weekend we drive to the mountains to look at leaves change colors” fall and Christmas. Compared to California, where there are 3 seaons, Dry, drier and fire, I’ll take them.

26) Going to Walmart is a  favorite past time known as “goin’ Walmartin” or “off to Wally  World.”

Don’t go “wal-martin‘” but my mom worked at Wally World for 15 years.  

27) You describe the first  cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good hog killin’  weather.

Dunno about killing but it’s a good time for a hole in the ground full of smoking pig and 50 of yer neighbers.  

28) Fried catfish is the other white meat.

Catfish is too gamey for me, but I can jump all over some perch or trout - yeah baby.

29) We don’t need no dang  Driver’s Ed..  If our mama says we can drive, we can drive,  dag-nabbit.

Well, we do get licenses, but that’s usually after I’ve driven grandpa’s truck and the tractor all over the back forty since I was 10.

30) You understand these jokes and forward them to your NC friends and those who just wish they were from North Carolina!!!!!

Did I win? Did I win?



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