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If you are like many women today, in addition to numerous female friends, you also have (or did have at one point in time) several male friends.  For the most part, these are guys whose company you enjoy, but who you don't date.  You hang out with them, share what's going on in your personal lives, get their "male perspective" on things, but that's about as far as it goes.  Sure, you love them...but like brothers.  And you wouldn't even think about ever having sex with them, because that's not what your relationship is about.  And you know they feel exactly the same way.  They cherish your company and friendship, but unlike all the other men in your life, they have absolutely no interest in the tropical tempest between your thighs.  And I'm here to say that you can be absolutely confident that this is true... if they are either under the age of ten, comatose, or gay.  Otherwise, you're living in a fool's paradise.

greek salad

"That's just a bunch of cynical crap," I hear you say.  "My male friends like me only as a friend...period." Are you sure?  Or are you just assuming because you don't think of them 'in that way.' that they feel similarly?  Now I admit that these relationships seem  innocent enough.  After all, you've spent lots of time together and they've never once indicated any sexual interest in you.  If they were hungering to be enveloped by your womanly flesh, wouldn't they have said something?  Obviously, they are immune to the gravitational pull of your private parts that keep other men orbiting you like hormone-infused asteroids.  And I agree that on the surface it appears their interest is purely platonic, but trust me when I tell you that, know it or not, their penises are casting furtive glances at your nether region when it's not looking.

So why haven't they said or done anything to let you know how they truly feel?  There could be a few reasons: 1) One or both of you might be in a relationship and the timing is wrong; 2) They know you have no sexual interest in them, and any move they make will be met with negativity, anger or serious laughter; or 3) They have no "game" and don't know how to make a move on you.  Whatever the reason, one thing is certain: In their heart-of-hearts, they hope that one magical evening, one or both of you will be so liquored-up that courage will overcome fear of rejection, pesky inhibitions will disappear along with clothing and at last the two of you will be able to allow your genitals some quality time together.  Hey, a guy can dream, can't he?

Still think I don't know what I'm talking about; that your guy friends have no interest in getting physical with you?  Fine.  Next time you're alone with one of them, tell him you've given it some thought and you'd like to have sex with him.  If you're  right, there'll be a moment of uncomfortable silence, after which you'll play it all off as a joke and the two of you can have a good laugh.  More likely, however, the awkward silence will be replaced by the metallic song of zipper teeth as your friend hurriedly discards his clothing in an effort to show you just how "friendly" he can be.    

If you have any questions about men, relationships, dating or a related topic, please feel free to email them to me at: david@EveryManSeesYouNaked.com. I will try to answer as many as I possibly can here in my column. If you are interested in a more comprehensive compendium of musings on the male mind, check out David's Every Man Sees You Naked: An Insider's Guide to How Men Think. 

(C)2009 David M. Matthews.  All Rights Reserved.



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Member Comments

    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Feb 4, 2009
    • I cannot agree more.  I have male friends that I thought we were totally platonic.  However, when the time is right, I was surprised they made move on me.  What I mean the time right, like if I had problem in my marriage or they sensed I was vulnerable.  Those I mentioned are still my friends now but it gave me a reality check.  Thank you for your insight and glad to know the picture I posted was right.  Men’s brains are not on the big head.tongue out



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Mz. Queen wrote Feb 4, 2009
    • How so true, I think. My only guy friend that I consider a guy friend is gay. Really! He is handsome and a great cook. I have never had a relationship like this one open and honest and non-sexual, and I know he doesn’t look at me like that. We work together occasionally. One day we were talking and he confirmed what I had always heard and thought, what a relief that was to me. I no longer had to speculate. Anyway, I asked him why was he homosexual and had he ever been with a woman. He said he had tried it but that the “equipment” wouldn’t work. We laughed. Now we know that we are both “lovers of men.”



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Vikki Hall wrote Feb 5, 2009
    • My male pals of the past were upfront and told me that this was 1 of the things always on their mind. Didn’t matter who the woman was but sex is always on their brain.
      After reading your article I decided they didn’t “have game” and or would have been met with laughter.

      I do have a girlfriend that does not think this is true. I am her only gal pal and the rest of her friends are male. She is single and straight. Surely one of them has interest. She tells me no! I will be sharing this with her....



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Leadinladytracy wrote Feb 7, 2009
    • I just want to understand WHY! Why is sex always on their minds.



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Jenz ~ wrote Feb 7, 2009
    • TROPICAL TEMPEST? HAHAHAHAHA

      It’s a proven fact that something sexual passes through the male mind on average, about every 17 seconds.
      In my opinion, that likely applies to every guy, although the ones who are supposed to think of and treat us like the fabulous close friends that we are to them, do not act on what they’ll never admit to thinking and/or wondering about out of respect & the possibility that they know it could very well damage the friendship. Or something like that~
      Most guys would do it in a heartbeat if there were no possible repercussions. lol...  

      A person’s eyes are always a dead give away anyway, regardless of who they are.

      No fool’s paradise here!! lolol



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Feb 7, 2009
    • Tracy: You know men’s brain is not in their scalps right?



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    • 0 votes vote up vote up

      Leadinladytracy wrote Feb 7, 2009
    • CD - I forgot you are right. That explains it. I still dont understand it, but it explains it - lol



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