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No, not the 1968 Lucille Ball movie or the 2005 remake!  I’m talking about responsibilities.

How often in our relationships do we approach a problem by trying to change the other person?  We do what we know we‘re “supposed” to do, but the other person isn’t doing what they‘re supposed to do!  We believe that they need to do X or refrain from doing Y, so we nag them to this end.  Or we pressure them.  Or we may even fight about it.  “If only they would X,” we say, “then I would be happy!”

What I am learning about is:  what is my responsibility and what is not.  And the biggest revelation is that the things that are in my control are the things that are my responsibility.  For example, I am responsible for/have control over (in no particular order):
my feelings
my reactions
my words
my appearance
my finances
my career
my workproduct
my actions

Conversely, I am not responsible for someone else’s feelings, reactions, etc.

It is my responsibility to do what is right in the relationship; it is not my responsibility to make sure the other person does their part—it’s their responsibility only.  My actions & my feelings are my responsibility, no one else’s.  No one can “make” me feel a certain way; I “choose” to feel that way.  Of course, sometimes my choice is dictated by my beliefs, fears, or values.  But again, those are mine.

Because I have no control over the other person, I can lay off emotionally taking on their responsibility.  (Please note, however, that legally we are responsible for our children & can be held liable for their actions.  But we can hold them accountable for their actions in the framework of the family.  However, that is a whole ‘nother subject!)  I have the assurance that I’ve done all I can.  However, I must also allow them to own their own feelings, actions (within the realm of safety, of course), etc., like it or not!

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