10 Ways to Get Over Him

You really thought he was the one – the love of your life. Then you wake up one day and the relationship is over. Now what do you do? How do you get over him? How do you put the pieces of your life back together without him?  

Great questions! Here are ten ways to get over him:

1. Don't Listen to Other People's Advice – you know what happens when others find out your relationship is over, they try to give you advice. There is no question that the advice is meant to be helpful, but it is not always the right advice for you. So the first step in getting over him is to not listen to other people's advice. Believe it or not you know what is right for you – it may just take sometime to figure out what "right" is. So that brings me to strategy number two.

2. Accept yourself where you are – the end of a relationship can be very traumatic. You may not always make the right choices at first, you may behave in a not so flattering way and you may even make some serious mistakes. I know I acted in some pretty strange ways and did some pretty strange things when I was faced with the end of my relationships. That is okay, be accepting of where you currently are in your healing process.  When I finally decided to be accepting of me then I was able to see what my healing pattern was and as a result was able to heal more quickly the next time – because I knew what I needed to do to move forward. We all heal at different levels, so give yourself a break and be accepting of where you are right now – don't rush it because others say you should. Only you know what you can handle when.  

3. Don't blame yourself – when a relationship ends it is easy to start pointing fingers and placing blame, believing that it has to be someone's fault that the relationship ended rather than accepting that this particular relationship ran its course. I am sure there are things that you did or said that you wish you could change now. You may even believe that those things caused the relationship to end. Rather than blaming yourself for the action or words learn from them. Take this time to learn about yourself and what aspects of your life you would like to change so you can attract a more compatible partner into your life in the future.  

4. Listen to your intuition – you know that little voice in your head that gives you hints about how you feel, what you value and believe. Now is the time to really listen. Your intuition will help you make the right choices for you and guide you in the right direction. Pay attention to what your intuition is telling you – this is your compass that will help direct you out of the emotional fog that is surrounding you – so you can begin to face the reality of the situation – the relationship is over.

5. Face Reality – Byron Katie said "when you fight with reality you but lose 100% of the time". Maya Angelou said "when someone shows you who they are, believe them ... the first time". If he told you it is over then it is over – even if he talks to you the next time you see him, still calls once and a while or it seems like he still cares. Stop reading more into his actions then what is really there, stop wishing and hoping that the situation was different. Thoughts like these keep you stuck in the past – stopping you from moving through the healing process and better things to come. Just think, if you are too busy trying to hold on to something that is no longer there your true love may walk right by and you will never meet him. Wouldn't want that now would you?

6. Ask for Help – if you can't move past the loss of this relationship alone, then ask for help. When I say ask for help I mean help from a non-biased, unattached party – not your best friend or your mother. They can be a great support system when you need a shoulder to cry on or to vent, but be careful they can be part of the reason you are having a hard time moving forward. You may want to consider hiring a coach, talking to a minister or joining a support group to help you get through the roughest patch.  

7. Get Angry – allowing yourself to get angry is a great tool for moving through the pain of a broken relationship. Let's be real, your going to get mad, it is part of the package. So let it rip. With that being said, you need to find a safe outlet for your angry feelings. You can't just go over to your ex's house and punch him out – I know that is what you were thinking.  You need to find another outlet for your anger, whether it be running, kickboxing, punching a pillow or writing anger letters. What ever method you choose is up to you – just get it out.  

8. Learn to Forgive – yes it is important to find forgiveness in your heart for not only your ex but yourself as well. Forgiveness releases you from the past so you can begin to move forward. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made in the relationship and learn from them. Forgive him for breaking your heart or the mistakes he made that pushed you away or whatever it is you find in your heart to forgive. Remember forgiveness is really about giving up the belief that you can change the past.

9. Get Reconnected with You – the end of a relationship is a great opportunity to get reconnected with yourself. We all change, grow, evolve or stay stagnate depending on what type of relationship we were in. Now is the time to get reconnected with this new person. Without the distraction of a relationship you can really take the time to get reacquainted with your best friend – you.  

10.  Move forward – start thinking about what you want your life to look like now that you are no longer in the relationship. I am sure you had a vision of what your future looked like with your partner, right. Now is the time to redefine that future. What do you want it to look like? What can you do today to start making that future a reality? Start moving forward now.

Congratulations you just completed the ten steps to getting over him. Great job! Not so sure that you can do it alone? Contact me for a 30 minute reclaim your personal power thru your Divorce Recovery coaching session today at [Link Removed]

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