A DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN

A DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN

Argument (ar*gyou*ment):n.
A discussion that occurs when you‘re right, but he just hasn’t realized it yet.

Airhead(er*head): n.
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a Police Officer.

Bar-be-que(bar*bi*q): n.
You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up - but he “made the dinner.”

Blonde jokes(blond joks):n.
Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe(kant*e*lope):n.
Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer(kloze dri*yer):n.
An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet soda(dy*it so*da):n.
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity(e*ter*ni*tee):n.
The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise(ex*er*siz): v.
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery list(grow*ser*ee list): n.
What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair dresser(hare dres*er): n.
Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again.
See “Magician.”

Hardware store(hard*war stor): n.
Similar to a black hole in space - if he goes in, he isn’t coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth(child*brth): n.
You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, “focus....breathe...push...”

Lipstick(lip*stik): n.
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park(park): v./n.
Before children, a verb meaning, “to go somewhere and neck.” After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens): n.
The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children.
See also “tranquilizers.”

Waterproof mascara(wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah): n.
Comes off if you cry, shower or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine’s Day(val*en*tinez dae): n.
A day when you have dreams of a candle light dinner, diamonds and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

_{Author Unknown}