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  • A Scenario

    8 posts, 6 voices, 821 views, started Jan 11, 2011

    Posted on Tuesday, January 11, 2011 by Denise Richardson

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      Ok so I’m on the phone late last night with my girlfriend whom I’ve been friends with it seems like forever, OK so she shares with me about how unhappy she is with her marriage and thinking of leaving her husband. The reasons she gave were somewhat valid but, then again I just think some things can be worked out. Ok so she says he constantly badgers her about the bills, that she’s not helping him pay them. They both work, but he makes the bulk of the money, they have two kids and she does most of the shopping and buying for them as well as things for the home and the food and she says she contributes with the mortgage payments. Ok he doesn’t see this apparently so he says she is not helping him.

      She is also feeling distrust with him, he has lied a few times to her about his whereabouts and has caught him in the act of lying not being where he said he was and she caught him in a different place.
      She thinks it may be another female in the picture because he has withdrawn from having sex with her and has all sorts of excuses as to why he doesn’t want it and the main reason he tells her is because he is tired of paying all the bills alone and that she needs to step up her game and help him, I personally don’t feel its fair to withdraw from sex with your mate because of bills lol, that is soooooo preposterous to me lol, but different strokes for different folks I guess, well anyhow she is so upset because she loves him and really doesn’t want to leave but don’t know what else to do.
      She says she just don't feel the love or have trust in him any longer. And then she really got personal telling me that they rarely sleep in the same bed he opts to sleep in the spare room most nights (whats that all about?) I persoanlly told her she needs to have a sit down chat with him and ask him to be brutally honest about their relationship and where its going? I asked her if she would consider helping him with the other bills she said if she saw a change in him, but she was trying to save money for her way of escape just in case she needs to leave. So what is your take on this????



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Richardson wrote Jan 11, 2011
        • Eva, I hear ya on the power sturggle thing too! I don’t know I just hope they can work it out it also sounds like both are a little selfish in certain areas as well. There needs to be some mutual agreeance of compromise.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Vikki Hall wrote Jan 12, 2011
        • I guess I’m stuck on the part where she is saving money for escape.... That right there is set up for failure IMO.

          If she really loves him and wants to make it work she needs to work on some of her issues....  

          I remember reading somewhere that you can have the kind of marriage you want it just depends on what YOU are willing to put into it. So while the hubz may be in the wrong and he may have actually done some bad things marriage is not a one way street.

          Now I will say that I fully support the woman having money saved on the side but with full disclosure but the hubz should have the same. Of course this can happen only after ALL the bills have been paid.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          UK Girl wrote Jan 12, 2011
        • ” I asked her if she would consider helping him with the other bills she said if she saw a change in him, but she was trying to save money for her way of escape just in case she needs to leave. So what is your take on this????”

          My take is she is almost out the door and feels like she was asking you for permission to go or maybe sounding you out so when she does a runner you’ll not be shocked she had already laid the ground rules out



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Richardson wrote Jan 12, 2011
        • Love your response Vikki!
          UKGirl, I’m staying away from this she has to deal with this with her hubby.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Ela2011 wrote Jan 12, 2011
        • I think there are a ton of red flags here and she needs to do some PI work and find out what is really going on.  What healthy marriage sounds like this?!?

          If her gut tells her there is something (and it does sound fishy) then she needs to find out the truth and confront him.  Until the truth comes out there can be no improvement/saving their marriage.  Marriage counseling is something they should consider but both parties have to want it, right?  If he is lying about where he is, not interested in sex and is being critical, etc. it sounds to me like there is something going on here.  Maybe I am just the suspicious type.

          I think that she needs to protect herself and if saving money is the way she does it to give herself security until she figures out what is going on, then she should do it—- especially if he makes most of the money and she is the major caregiver to the kids...women are screwed all the time by men who have affairs.

          I have a few friends who have been through this and you should recommend she look at/read on survivinginfidelity.com.  It will help her know what to look for, deal with it if it happens and provide support if the marriage can be saved/or if it ends.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Richardson wrote Jan 16, 2011
        • heartSounds good Ela, I’ll give her the info on the website thanks ladies for all of your replies, I just hope she can get through this whether she stays or goes. But like we all know if she stays they both need to work it out together.



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