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  • Am I being too overprotective?

    5 posts, 5 voices, 1031 views, started Apr 14, 2009

    Posted on Tuesday, April 14, 2009 by Kim Jenkins

    •  



    • Amethyst
      Offline

      Yesterday my daughter wanted to go to the local park with her two friends - one girl (I’ll call her “S“) and one boy (I’ll call him “Q“) the two kids are cousins). I allowed her to go. When I picked her up later, I noticed the boy cousin (Q) was sort of lingering behind a pole and instantly my warning light when off. The first thing she did when she got in the car is make some excuse about “S” (her girl friend) being in the bathroom. I immediately knew she was lying. I asked her, “If I go into the bathroom right now, am I going to find S?” The guilt on her face was obvious and she replied with a NO. So all this time she had been at the park with just Q (the boy).

      I just shut down, because this is the second time she’s lied to me in the last month. She wrote me this long letter yesterday saying she lied because if she had told me she was going to the park with Q I would not have let her go and would have thought something more about the situation than what it actually was. She swears they are just friends and she considers him more of a brother type than any kind of love interest. She said she has many guy “friends” but that doesn’t mean she’s going to do anything with any of them. I get that, and yet as a mom, I can’t help but worry and be concerned.

      My gawd....how do we know the truth as parents? My real question her is....how do I deal with the lying? If she lied to me because she felt I would say NO to her going to the park, am I the one that needs to change?

      Second, is 13 too early to be going to the park and just being with her friends? Is it possible this was just an innocent hanging out time and I’m overreacting because I remember my OWN youth and the things I did?????

      Help. Your advice is welcome.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Sliggio wrote Apr 14, 2009
        • Narney,
          I would just lay everthing out on the line.  Let her know that lying is unacceptable and that if she tells the truth she will end up having more freedom and trust.  Make sure she knows about the birds and the bees.  If she is hanging around with Q alot, have him over so you can make sure he knows your rules and expectations for their “friendship“.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Ms-kay wrote Apr 14, 2009
        • I can relate and I don’t think you are overprotective. I too experience a little anxiety when it comes to my daughter who is 13. I just recently let her start hanging out only because she never gave me a reason not to trust her.  

          I think you can have a long talk with your daughter about how you feel. That way she won’t feel you are quick to judge her for doing something innocent as hanging out with a friend that happens to be a boy.  

          I am always quick to remind my kids that times were a lot different when I was younger and nowadays it’s a lot harder to let them go out for the fear of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. But we can’t keep them in our sight 24/7. I just pray alot harder when they are out with friends. happy



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Robinesque wrote Apr 14, 2009
        • Narney, you are not being overprotective.  There IS no such thing!  But, since you asked, YES, 13 IS TOO YOUNG TO BE GOING OUT ALONE, even with other kids!!

          My 15 y/o daughter is not allowed out alone with her friends unless the other mom is going to be with them the ENTIRE time.  You must speak to the other mom to confirm this, NEVER the friend.  Of course, I am not popular in this area, but that’s not what I’m here for.  I explain to her that boys & girls become BOLD when they are in groups and all kinds of things can happen.  I have 6 kids and I have learned NOT to trust kids.  Even my 9 y/o has disappointed me in that area!!  (my baby!!!)  They are ALL one personality in front of you, and quite another story behind your back.  

          Consistency is the key.  If you say she can’t go out alone, then girlfriend CAN‘T GO OUT!  She’ll be angry, but she’ll get over it, still be safe and still love you.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jsrn66 wrote May 23, 2009
        • I’m going through the same thing.  And I’m dealing with “park” issues too.  My 13 yo daughter has more boy “friends” than girls, although she does hang out with a certain group of girls.  The boys are always calling and asking her to hang out.  Recently, she was in the PARK, and one of the boys was joking with her and put his belt around her ankles and she fell, badly injurying her wrist.  My husband and I have just told her....no more hanging w/ the boys.  They are too rough, and although she connects with them because they arent gossipy and cocky like the girls are, she always seems to get in trouble when she’s with them.  I am overprotective I think.  I dont want her getting hurt or in trouble.  Shes still a baby and I want to keep the bad exposure of things away from her if I can.  We have an open honest relationship and good communication, but her and her 2 girlfriends just want to hang with the boys all of the time.  I dont know..... I want her to have fun but I dont want her to get hurt.
          Anyone want to chat?



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