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  • ANGRY, RANTING, TICKED OFF, HURT, all rolled into ONE!

    43 posts, 28 voices, 802 views, started Nov 24, 2008

    Posted on Monday, November 24, 2008 by Linni

    •  



    • Turquoise
      Offline

      OMGOSH! i am so tired.. physically, emotionally, spiritually, and then i have to deal with the x now ONTOP of everything else!

      Why can’t he just curl up and die somewhere? im sorry Lord, i shouldn’t be this way, i just want him out of my life!

      that will be hard because we have children together.. so to bring you up to speed: he was in prison ( AGAIN! ) for childsupport.. i got a call last week from the friend of the court, and i called them and was honest, and told them i moved out of state!

      now thats all good with them, and i am in NO trouble. last week, my cell phone rings and OMGOSH! it was the x husband! his mom gave him my number! grrrr..

      well hes talking all this crap about how hes NOT going back there again ( ok, i have heard this for 14 + years! ) and i told him that i hope for his sake, he gets his life together!

      you know, im skipping ALOT cause i just don’t feel like you all need to hear the junk.. anyway, now he has called and talked to the children, and they are all loving and nice and blah blah blah, and im the one that gets ALL their anger that they have for thier dad!

      Did they tell him they were angry with him? Noooooooo! they didn’t want to hurt him and make him feel bad! and my thoughts are F&&& him!

      im the one that goes without so they can have... im the one that works 40 hours a week to provide a roof over thier heads!

      im the one that feels depressed because i can not buy clothing for my children, electric, and phone are behind because i have to choose whats gonna get paid so i can buy things for the home like toilet paper laundry soap, etc..

      im the one who has been here ALL the time, when he decided to be the AZZ he is...

      my heart is hurt.. im so mad i can not pray at the moment..im sorry i have unloaded all this on you guys.. please keep me in your prayers..



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          Linni wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • thanks Tori..

           i don’t feel like that, you know.. i have cried so much since friday, my eyes burn.. all i wanna do is eat eat eat.. and the only thing thats stopping me, is I KNOW that its NOT WHAT i should do..



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          Jenz ~ wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • Big Huge Hugs for you!!!
          You certainly deserve them.



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          Michelle Rowe wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • Linni, I’m so sorry. I also find it amazing how children are drawn to the absentee parent. It’s because they don’t feel whole without them. Screw the fact that he hasn’t been there for them!! Sorry baby!!



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          Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • oooh linni I see why you said you can relate in the blog I posted about my ex...they are exactly alike...and we‘re the ones who have to clean up the tornado they leave behind when they resurface...ooooh i hate ex’s...lol

          Mine has not paid child support but still keeps calling saying he will pay me some money soon..Now I’m paying his behind no mind..i got a lousy $200 today..wow..I know it’s something right?..but he owes me well over $13,000 right now..so $200 is nothing to me..I’m so sorry linni...Sorry for what you are going thru..Pray for him...pray hell...yeah right..



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          Mary Clark wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • Linni...

          I too am very sorry for what you are going through, but like Tori said...you will be the one that comes out on top..that is blessed for being there for your kids.  As they grow up they will figure all of that out.  Who supported them and who didn’t.  

          But don’t get upset with the kids.  Whether you like it or not...he is their father.  That will never change.  And remember...your kids didn’t ask for any of this....and this is between you and your ex.  They are not a player in the game.  

          I know you are angry and you have every right to be, but turn the anger around and use it to your advantage.  He’s not angry....and you being angry and mad is really getting  you no where.  

          Take a deep breath....and pray.  Don’t say you can’t pray because that is exactly what you need to be doing.  I’m going to send you a link that I want you to go to and watch.  I hope it will speak to you and maybe give you some hope.  There is hope and as long as you looked to God and make him first in your life...he will provide for you and your children.  But you’ve got to let him have all of it...all of the problems.  You can’t keep some of it and try to control it and then give God some.  It doesn’t work that way.  You have to give it all to Him and trust in Him.  

          I will pray for you and I will send you the link.



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          Linni wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • thanks Jenz and vigirl!

          yes vigirl you are right! and they talk so nice and sweet to him on the phone!

          Soulful, yes im right beside ya sista! mine is 20 thousand in arreages, not to mention the current hes gonna have to pay! you know he had the balls to ask me to DROP the back child support! NOT ON YOUR LIFE MISTER! this money is NOT for me.. its for our children! i know soulful.. lol.. id like to pray him to hell! LOL but im better than that, and im really going to keep praying for him.

          yes teeky, you hit the nail right on the head!



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          Inakika wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • Linni,
          I’m so sorry that you have to deal with that jerk!
          I think your kids talk to him sweetly because they miss their dad and they just don’t know what to do. I grew up without a father, when I got mad at my mom I would ask her to send me to him even though he was not there for me. I idolized a “ghost“, the idea of a father.
          Linni, you are a real woman and a great mom, don’t ever forget that. Your kids will always remember your sacrifice, dad won’t always look as good in their eyes as he does now. Just know that we are here for you, through the good and bad. We may only know you here at Fab40, but we love the woman we have come to know. Just hold on, sister, hold on. Stay strong!



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          Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • I know linni..i pray for my ex too..Because like tori said some of them don’t get it and some of them never will..I’d better hurry up and put this check in the bank before it bounces right back to him and then my bank charges me for the bounced checks...

          It’s better to pray for them linni than what our minds tell us to do...lol



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          Linni wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • thank you so much maryclark! you know you are right! this isn’t bothering him.. i NEED TO let GOD BE IN CONTROL!
          thank you for reminding me!

          hugs to all of you!



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          Cheryl Sharpton wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • I’m sorry you are going through this.  Your children are confused and you know that in life you hurt the ones you love.  They will come around because they know deep down that if not for you they would have nothing and be nothing.  If that does not work, I would go on strike and stop cooking and cleaning for one week.  I told my son when he was 15 and decided that he wanted to live with his dad that he should go.  Of course, he changed his mind after staying with him for only a few days.  He came home and said that his dad doesn’t spend time with him and that the house is cold with no laughter.  He realized that being a parent is more than just the occasional call.  Of course his dad appeared perfect compared to me since I had homework and bedtime rules.  He represented freedom from my rules and conditions but little did he know that his dad has warped rules.  But, he found out soon enough and so will your children.  A wolf cannot change its make-up and the truth will come out.



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          Lisa Middlesworth wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • Linni, being a child of a single Mother, I can totally relate to how you must feel.
          My mom felt the same way, but I was just so thrilled to see him. He didn’t set the rules, ground me when I got in trouble or any of the things my mom had to do. To me, when I was younger, he was my hero.

          I also knew that my Mom had given up so much and I eventually realized that he could have cared less about me. But my Mom did and I admire and respect her so much for it.

          I know it must hurt for your kids to be excited and happy. They don’t see it like you do. It’s totally different for them.  

          Linni, they may not realize it right now, but they will. They know who made the sacrifices to be there for them and provide them tools they need to lead a productive and healthy life. One that is filled with the love of their Mother.

          Happy Thanksgiving my friend and be thankful that your kids will one day look at you and say Thanks Mom for everything you gave us.



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          Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • Oh..linni..for the record..your kids are like my kids..they will not tell him they don’t want to see him or spend time with him..but they will come to me crying telling me this...but because the visitations are now court ordered, my hands are tied...I wish my girls would tell their father how they feel, but they expect me to and it comes off like it’s me that has the problem..(well it is too) but I think if they tell him, he might not push the issue of the visitations...



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          Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • Teek..I’m giving it to John or mum to deposit in the morning for me..It’s too darn cold out there for me to leave out tonight..besides John said he’s comfortable now..lol..



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          Jacquie6363 wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • Linni, my heart goes out to you.  The kids bless their hearts, are caught between a rock and a hard stone.  You are truly an inspiration, a great and wonderful mom, don’t let him take your joy.  It’s ok to cry and if it makes you feel any better, I cry with you.  I have never had an ex, but the many stories I’ve heard and read are so heart wrenching.  These jerks never get it, even after the courts have ordered them to.  The real victims are the kids.  Just know that your kids appreciate and love you, no matter what.

          ((HUGS)) for you and the kids
          Jacquie



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          Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • Linni have you asked your children why they can’t be real with their dad...IF you feel they are not being real that is...My 12 yr old confessed that the reason why she goes with him and won’t tell him how she really feels is because she’s scared of his anger..and she has a reason to be scared..he does have a short fuse so I know she’s not lying..just a thought...



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Darla5 wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • Linni,

          I know it is hard.

          During my trial of my life time I prayed a million times. I also said four letter words, rant , screamed, cried, you name it.

          A friend told me something and it was an eye opener. She said Darla, I truly believe that you have taken this to the Lord many times. She went on to say... you have taken this to the Lord and it was like a box that you laid down at his feet BUT, when you finished praying you picked the box back up and took it with you. You truly never left it for the Lord to do his work.  

          She was right. I would always interfere. The day I truly said here Lord, The day I truly Let go and let God... things started turning around and within two months the impossible became possible.

          As hard as it is... trust and obey. It is not easy, I KNOW. HE will come through. I know he will.



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          Shannan Clark wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • Linni,  I can say I truely also feel your pain on so many levels, sorry azz ex & 2 dead beat sperm donors and YES I call them both sperm donors.  I’m one of the lucky ones who had no problem receiving my child support but it was like pulling teeth from both of them when I requested a raise in my child support & both of them went through all types of extream to hide their raises & overtime but the joke was on them becuz by the time we went to court they already had their lastest pay scale that showed everything.  

          It took seventeen years until my oldest son to find out what type of CHEAP & SELFISH JERK that the man he idolize was. He only did for him on his birthday & christmas and if he asked him for anything extra his answer was that your mom gets child support money for you.  Men never relize that child support does not raise their child nor fully provide for them it is exactly what the word means to assist with their support. My son is now 20 with his own son who will be 18 mos. on 12/2 and said that he will never be like his sperm donor yes that is what he calls him now also.  It took him to have a child of his own to fully appreicate me & all of the sacarfices that I had to make to give them what they wanted & when I became disable they got what they needed.  

          On the other hand my 17 yr son always blamed me for his donor not being around and he just thought by paying his child support he did not have to deal with his son & that son has a lot anger and resentment against him but takes it out on me.  So it does get better and we has woman always put our children first and then clean up the after mess from the dead beat fathers of the world.  I will keep you in my prayers and girl it is ok to cry; this song writer wrote in one of his song “crying is like taking your soul to the laundramate” to wash out all of the dirt & anger in your life.  keep your head and give it over to jesus.

          “You only have one life live so make the most of it and do you”



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Marie Hempsey wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • Linni,
          I am so sorry he is such a jerk! I think you are a great mom. I feel bad you have to go through this. I am praying for you!
          Take care,
          Friends,
          Ree



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          Linni wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • OMGOSH... you ladies are AMAIZING! my heart is so full of love and friendships for you all!  

          thank you all for your kind loving uplifting words! i truly needed to hear them!

          i will keep you all in my prayers!
          Gods blessing to you all!
          L~



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Almostfive0 wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • Linni...Sorry to hear you are going through this challenge right now.
          Know that although your children may seem to not appreciate all that you do for them...they do.
          You are entitled and justified in your feelings.
          You can’t change your ex but you can change how you feel. You said that all you do is eat. Don’t let your ex control and take away your esteem. Remember that you are better than the way he makes you feel.
          I hope that you feel better soon...I know you will
          Big hugs
          Carol



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          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • You will be in my prayers - again sending you love and peace.+++



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          Mztracy wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • The only thing you kids will remember as they age is you and your awesome mothering.  

          You are a very strong woman.

          Hold your head high and walk tall!!! I must agree w/vintagediva...your hubby sounds like a shit!! Never put your kids in the middle and do this. In the long run he is going to be the one to turn his kids away. They will see this. I watched this happen to my sister. Trust me, they now see what their dad did and who he was!! If he keeps this up, yours will too...

          big hugggzzz



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          Dee Dee Shaw wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • Linni,
          I have to agree with Mary and Darla. Only through total release... and forgiveness can you get past this. You don’t have to like him to forgive him. Pity him, pray for him knowing his eternal destiny if the Lord doesn’t change his heart. Whenever I get agrravated at the depravity of man, I have to remind myself... ‘there, but for the grace of God, go I.’ And when I do, I am overwhelmed by the thought that God loves me enough to save me from my own wretchedness, and overwhelmed by the thought that the person with whom I am aggravated hasn’t been granted the same grace I have. It never fails to put me on my knees in thanksgiving and with sincere petitions for saving grace. I will pray for you my friend, that God will give you a peace that passes understanding, and that he will help you to lay it at his feet and leave it there, just like Darla said. :)



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          Coachmombabe wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • Linni, let’s go for a latte. We’ll just go hang out and you can unload about this until we are laughing our heads off and coffee comes out our noses!  

          You don’t deserve to be treated this way. But your kids don’t understand all these things. Someday they will, and you, sweet lady, will be their hero!

          Hugs and Blessings (and a latte someday!)
          Cindy



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          Dana Arcuri wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • Linnie, what you are going through sounds EXACTLY like what my mother went through when she was struggling to raise five daughters all on her own.  I am the youngest of five and watching my mother endure hardship because my dad left her stranded with little kids had a HUGE impact on my life.  

          I do not know why your kids treat you the way they do, but one thing that I do know is that I am so grateful for what my mom did for me all those years she had to do without, sacrifice, work extra hard just to pay the bills and make ends meet.  It was no day at the beach for any of us, but the one lesson that my mom taught us girls was to be determined, never give up hope and to keep on keeping on!

          I pray that your kids can take a good, hard look at you and be very thankful that they have you for their mother.  Actions do speak louder than words and sooner or later, your kids are going to realize that and appreciate you when they see you in a whole new way.  

          And as for their father? The only father that they can truly be glorifying is their Heavenly Father, who will always be there for them to supply them with all their needs.  My pray is that you will feel the presence of the Lord, that He will pour out His abundant blessings upon your life and family, and that your faith would be firmly rooted in His unconditional love for you.  

          Hugs,
          Dana



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          Jenz ~ wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • Hello.
          I am so sorry you have to deal with that.
          My youngest son went through some of that “Missing Superhero Syndrome” (COUGH,COUGH!!)
          I used to call it that. Some years have past since then & my Son sees that absent parent realistically now.
          It was certainly a challenging time.
          Come in here & talk to us anytime!
          This time will pass & everything will be great. I know you want to reach out & choke the s.o.b. believe me!
          Unfortunately, we can’t live with em & we cant shoot em! lol
          Many prayers & hugs for you!!



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          Jacquie6363 wrote Nov 24, 2008
        • Linni, please accept this award from your FAB Sistas:

          Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
          NubianGraphics.com
          (image description)!



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          Rena Bennefield wrote Nov 25, 2008
        • Kids can really tear you up sometimes with the things they say and the choices they make..I know there is no quick fix or magic words to say that will make this better..Prayer is the best way to go..But I won't be one to preach..Sometimes the only thing that feels good is to have a hissy fit... You seem like a very strong and level headed woman, and I believe you will find your way and draw strength from that place deep inside you ...I  am here to support you let me know if you need an ear..I am a good listener... ((((HUG))))



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Beverly Mahone wrote Nov 25, 2008
        • linni,

          As I read through the comments, I see there are many of us here who understand what you‘re going through.  I must’ve been married to your ex’s brother because he, too, was a dead beat dad.  Our situation was so bad at one point that we were left homeless for a short time.  

          But let me tell you this, when you‘re at your weakest—God is at his strongest and He will take care.  You just have to trust and not doubt.  And let God handle the “mess!” I’m a living witness that he will.    

          My daughter was mad at me for a long time because she thought it was my fault that we weren’t together anymore but then as she got older and started to see things for herself—she got the REAL picture.

          It’s OK to rant and rave—get it out and then LET GO AND LET GOD.



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          Linni wrote Nov 26, 2008
        • You are al simply AMAIZING, and are all like FAMILY to me, and i love you all dearly!

          i have never put my children in the middle of the x and i. i have actually encouraged them to pray for thier daddy, and told them its ok to love thier daddy.

          i have also told them that thier Daddy that will NEVER let them down, and will ALWAYS provide for them is thier heavenly Daddy, GOD.

          Jacquie, that award made me cry! lol thank you so much..
          i love you all!
          Linni



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          Rebecca Deos wrote Nov 26, 2008
        • I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I have a family member going through a very similar situation.

           You know that at some point in their lives, when they are older, your kids will have a “lightbulb” moment, and they will begin to realize all that you did for them. When they are small, even teenagers, they dont have the life experience to understand sacrifice and a parents love. But when they have children of their own, and see how hard it is, they will learn to appreciate what you did all by yourself.



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          Psalmist wrote Dec 25, 2008
        • I was one of those children of a deadbeat dad, and realized it while he was pounding on my mother (even after the divorce), so i didn’t feel any remorse when mom finally fled with us.  my little sister was spared all of that, so when she said she wanted to get in contact with him 2 years ago, it brought back all the fear and anger that had been buried for 30 years.

          Linni, i’m ashamed to say it but because of what it dredged up, i turned all that resentment on my mother, who had only just that year been able to openly admit that she was abused.  but there is a bright side to this story.  since then, my mother, my sister and i have grown closer and our relationship has grown stronger.  as for the sperm donor, unless GOD works a miracle, he will not see us or his grandchildren in this life again, because my sister finally got to see him for the evil he was (no he hasn’t changed).

          i say all that to say this: there will be dark times and bumps in the road (i would be lying if i said otherwise), but there will also be bright spots and oases along the way, but keep traveling it, keep putting one foot in front of the other because there is a great reward for those who keep persevering, especially you mothers who kept your children (us) above water at all costs.  We do get to a point where and when we appreciate it.



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          Sandy Ochoa-West wrote Dec 25, 2008
        • Linni my friend, God is so much bigger than your anger, he understands and is holding you up as you go through this. The Psalms were filled with anger and questioning and it’s totally ok to feel that way. Talk to God, scream, yell at him shake your fist, he can take it and loves it when we lay our burdens and our hurts at his feet. We don’t know why we have to go through the things we do but with God we never have to go through it alone. And I am praying for you daily my friend.



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