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  • anybody married and miserable?

    42 posts, 17 voices, 3664 views, started Jan 4, 2009

    Posted on Sunday, January 4, 2009

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      Amethyst
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      frown



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          UK Girl wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • If I had seen that three years ago I would have cried as it was so true but the miserable bit left two years ago after being the ultimate misery ....... and now I’m divorced and happy yeah ..

          If you are married and miserable think about your options I know it’s tough but we only have one life and spending it like that is why you were born ....



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          Jenni0811 wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • Sometimes misery is of our own making...sometimes it is thrust upon us. Come to terms with the source and look within first for an answer. There are many external aids to help with your journey out of misery....including your Fab40 sisterhood support and love. Perhaps you would like to share more of your story.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          UK Girl wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • During the very pits of my despair at the tail end of my marriage when I was walking on broken glass to please him etc;
          I thought if he loved me what isn't he responding to my efforts and then I realise he didn't love me he just loved himself .... so you know what I loved me back and moved on – it was hard and it was tough but it was a lot easier than walking on broken glass .
          So why are you miserable ....... what help and support do you need and we will help you



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Richardson wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • Hi, Sandy I was also once in a miserable relationship. The only person that can change the situation is YOU. If you want out it’s up to you and what we must remember no one can change another. Your pursuit of happiness is up to YOU, and yes we’d all like to hear more from you not to be noisy but to help in anyway we can as cyber sisters, we‘re here for you as well as each other.



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          Psalmist wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • we‘re here for you honey, however we can.



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          Denise Richardson wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • So Sandy as of right now you and the 1st EX hubby are on somewhat decent terms where he is being a helping hand to you? Are you thinking that maybe you and he may see reconciliation in the future? I’m not saying that to say you should, I feel you need to take out some serious time for you, right now you don’t need to try to get into ANY relationships with anyone you need to get YOU together its a long road to recovery from hurt relationships.



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          Denise Richardson wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • AMEN, Mrslorid,
          now is the time to “USE” your resources your 1st ex if he is trying to be there like Mrslorid said he knows how and where to get the bargins for what you need to survive as far as your setup for home, but what you must also do is get a really GOOD understanding with him that there is no SEXUAL exchanges or false hope for the help he is offering if he is doing it with something else in mind you need to find that out quickly. You need to stand strong even with him. You don’t want to keep going in circles with this guy either.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • I am sometimes.  Not because we don’t love each other, as you know, due to my husband’s mental illness.  I am up and down like a yo yo.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Saylor101 wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • any relationship - friend/lover/spouse/employer should be more supportive than not.

          if there are not more “goods” then “bads” in a given day - it is time to go.

          co-habitation can work - till you get on your feet.  seperate your funds immediately - start working on a future for you, you can be “helpful” and start your future too.  

          if your ex will help - let him - if you can cohabitate with him - do, till you get on your feet.

          easier said than done - but try to start to let lose of the terrible way your mother did you - the bitterness and frustration are like poison - you need positive happy things right now - there truly is a silver lining to all things, sometimes they are so unlikely and so hard to see that one doesn’t even notice till much later.  many things offer you internal strength that you would never have believed you had.  

          wish i could offer more thought - sort of living in my own funk today - looking for sunshine, but have a cloud hovering!  (there are just days like that....but my silver lining will surface too)

          doesn’t one ALWAYS wonder about that road not taken........



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Talltrishie wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • My husband and I have had at least  6 friends that have separated or divorced in 2008. Two were married over 10 years. One couple was married for less than a year.  I just think that people change and instead of growing together they grow apart.  They ignore each other, don’t respect each other or whatever the case may be.  I know I am not the same person I was on 20 or 30 years old.  Marriage is a JOB. It is the hardest job I have ever had.  It takes a lot of work!
          But when you had enough its time to make a decision.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Richardson wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • Get over the I’m sorry’s and continue to move on for you. As you have said you‘re self which we all know you can’t make a person change we can’t change people, they would have to want to make a change for themselves, but why would you want to be with someone who has a gambling problem knowing what pain that brings. You have no room for any other issues in your life so you need to rethink about what you‘re going to do to move on, NO! its NOT going to be easy and YES! you may have to live out of a milk carton or whatever it may be but you must begin somewhere other than where you are. Anything worth fighting for will NOT come easy but you must endure to the end, you‘re a champ, NOT a quitter. You can make it on your own just take it one day and one step at a time but you have to get to steppin for you.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Richardson wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAmen Teeky, girl you better know it, we as individuals are responsible for our own personal happiness our mates just enhances it.



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          Rachelle Dalton wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • Well, I have a question?

          I got married in 2005 he’s a wonderful man but are chemistry isn’t there anymore we have grown apart I was my husbands first everything. We are now just like friends I recently asked if we could go to marriage counseling and he wasn’t to thrilled with the idea. We have not had a intimate relationship for almost 2 years and he works for customer service dating and porn site he’s not cheating I checked long story. He is a little obsessed with porn but then gets tired of it. He has never been really physical with me were just growing apart.
          I recently got a call from a ex we dated in 2003 then he went to Brazil and had some things to take care of. We have always talked and had amazing chemistry kept in contact. He was real scared only dated Brazilian women kinda shallow men stick to one type.
          He recently called me and we have been talking for 3 weeks a lot his wife left him and shacked up with another man in Brazil. He was really devastated on the whole situation and said I made a mistake I should of been a man and tried with you.
          We recently talked I have a friend out there and I wanted to visit her and talk with him to see where it goes. My husbands family is great and my husband is great but when you have no chemistry and you grow apart its hard. He says he needs to get better but I don’t know I don’t see nothing happening he wants kids but I just can’t bare kids to someone that we don’t have a connection. The best medicine is a divorce but his family will be devastated and I am really confused what direction to go but then again its not fair emotionally. I really have always had a special place in my heart for my ex are chemistry will always be amazing we have always been best friends how do you get out of a situation and start the next with out being so guilty of hurting a another mans family and heart. I am Italian and my husband is Indian and they don’t believe in divorce if you do it get one the whole family get involved and they have a meeting try to work it out. They are doing it to his brother and sister in law now. There wonderful people though ...............

          what should I do?



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Richardson wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • Sandy girl do you feel the love in this room? LOL we love you and its all going to just fine, but its all up to you!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Richardson wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • Mua, if you know the chemistry isn’t there anymore why would you stay for the sake of others just to please them? If you know this then your answer lies within you. You already have your answer you just have to put it to action.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Rachelle Dalton wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • thanks so much Neicy It’s not like I don’t love my husband anymore but I just stay to not have a war. I just have to work things out and well see what happens in 2009 new year new you. Its hard when your just friends they saw a marriage you go out of love then in kinda up and down it maybe where being tested.



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          UK Girl wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • Mua, you need a husband not a brother ..... need to do something honey - what ever you decide we will support you



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          Rachelle Dalton wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • thanks beachbum for your kind words this is helping me feel so better about myself estatic



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          Jenni0811 wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • We are all the only one’s responsible for our own happiness. As women, I believe we possess a dangerously high level of care-taker mentality. This gets us in trouble when we expect to be the emotional support for our man and also when we expect him to be the monetary support for us. I will always remember something Bobbi said about choosing a partner...“Equal or Better“. Three simple words that can be applied to all areas of our relationships. We strongly need to support the sisterhood, so that we do not sell ourselves short when it comes to relationship building.



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          Rachelle Dalton wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • Thanks Uk its not that I dont love my husband I just need to get the courage to try and do what I have to do...........
          No one wants to feel like they have failed



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          Jenni0811 wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • mua41  &* Sandi*   Best of luck with your struggles. It is immensely more difficult when the family becomes directly involved in the situation between you and your husband. Whichever path or solution you choose, getting there will not be easy. You will need a will of steel and boatload of courage....but that said, we are all here to support you along every step of the way.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Richardson wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • (((Bravo))), Jenni0811 for your reply couldn’t have said it better myself.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Amethyst wrote Jan 10, 2009
        • In my first marriage I was married and miserable and felt trapped. One day I woke up and was finally fed up and got the nuts to pack my crap and leave. Life is too freakin’ short to be miserable. I am now married to a fantastic guy.



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          Rystmom wrote Jan 10, 2009
        • I am married to the love of my life some of the time. My husband an alcoholic. When he is sober life is good. When he drinks it is miserable. I love him but I hate him for allowing his alcoholism to destroy us. One day enough will be enough and I will leave. I can’t live the rest of my life like this. The sad thing is he never drank until about 5 years ago.



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          Pamela Foley wrote Feb 19, 2013
        • I know how hard it is to get out. I was married for 24 years when I left and filed for divorce.



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