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  • Backstabbing Friends & Co-Workers

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    17 posts, 13 voices, 6327 views, started May 22, 2009

    Posted on Friday, May 22, 2009 by Denise Richardson

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      Backstabbing Friends And Co-Workers
      By Isabella Gladd You thought of her as a friend and ally, but by resorting to underhanded tactics that made you look bad, backstabbing became the only word to define her actions. Backstabbing friends are a part of life, and the act itself happens to nearly everyone at some point in life. The betrayal of a trusted friend or colleague inflicts pain and hurt. How do you deal with low-blow deceptive attacks? Learn the whys and how's of backstabbing friends and decide if saving the friendship is worth the effort.

      People who backstab tend to be insecure. Dr. Les Parrot, author of High Maintenance Relationships, lists these adjectives to describe a backstabber: "vindictive, revengeful, deceitful, conniving, resentful, and angry." He also adds passive-aggressive behavior as another trait of the backstabbing friend or coworker.

      Behaving like your best friend with smiles, a helpful attitude, and promises of loyalty and trustworthiness, the backstabber waits for the right moment and then turns on you with a vengeance. From stealing projects at work to stealing friends, the backstabber's ways are manipulative as she uses low-ball tactics that make you appear to be a liar, a thief or someone not to be trusted.

      Why People Backstab
      Reasons why people backstab others range from cowardice to a need for power. The sole purpose of backstabbing is gaining the upper hand and garnering power. Backstabbing is not limited to one individual or another. Countries backstab from within and without. One of the most famous examples of backstabbing comes from ancient Rome where Julius Caesar was stabbed 23 times by members of the Senate and his friend, Marcus Junius Brutus. As the blows fell from Brutus' dagger, Caesar's last words, "You too my child?" underscore the disbelief he had that a friend could backstab him.
      The Roman senate believed they were safeguarding a country by using treachery to dispose of a leader.

      Although this level of violence is not something you will experience at work, treachery and backstabbing are possibilities. Understanding why people resort to this behavior can help you recognize and prevent backstabbing behavior.

      Backstabbing at Work
      It is far easier to understand why co-workers or colleagues revert to backstabbing antics rather than a friend. Colleagues wish to gain notice from superiors and put themselves in position for advancement. Backstabbing in the office is a scheme to make you look bad and the backstabber appear better. Lies and deception are the tools of a backstabbing coworker on a mission to prove how inept you are at your job.

      There are many ways people backstab others at work. After completing a group project, one person may complain to a superior about how difficult it was to work with the group and that so-and-so lacked focus. By criticizing other people, the backstabber feels better about herself. Backstabbing may be nothing more than idle gossip about you to other co-workers. Using every occasion to bring attention to your faults or weaknesses is a mean-spirited tactic. Offering to complete a project or task assigned to another coworker is one such tactic. Although it makes the backstabber look good temporarily, in the long run, the backstabber will lose the confidence of her peers.
      Backstabbing Friends
      Backstabbing friends represent a different breed of underhanded schemers. It is hard to imagine what a friend can gain by backstabbing. Like a colleague, she believes she can gain an advantage in life. It might be by usurping a mutual friend closer to you. A friend that tells lies to take the upper hand wants to destroy your reputation. Even worse is the friend who reveals a confidence to others opening you up to all manner of finger pointing and gossip.

      When a friend backstabs the pain may be overwhelming. This is someone you trusted and believed had your best interests at heart just as you did hers. Discovering a dark side of a friend requires a new look at the friendship. Is a friend who backstabs worth keeping as a friend?

      How to Deal With Backstabbing
      Learning how to deal with backstabbing is important in order to move on. Dealing with a backstabber at work requires a different strategy than dealing with manipulative friends.

      Backstabbers at work - As soon as you realize that a coworker is backstabbing you, think carefully before you act. Choose which battles to fight, keeping in mind that you do not want to revert to the same behind-the-back tactics.

      • Find evidence of the backstabbing. Perhaps a friend in the office will vouch for you.  
      • Prove false accusations wrong. Record projects with dates and times to prove that they are indeed yours.
      • Finally, confront the backstabber and be prepared to back up every point you make with evidence.
      • Another way to deal with backstabbers is to beat them at their own game without actually backstabbing. Instead of confronting your nemesis, turn her into your best friend. The saying, "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer" rings true in this case.
      • A group of coworkers who admire your work and respect you will go a long way toward safe-guarding your reputation.
      • Work harder than ever before. Make every deadline, dot every "I" and cross every "T" leaving no error or room for mistakes and misunderstandings. Go above and beyond the call of duty. Come in early and stay late. Prove your worth to the company, pulling the legs right from under a backstabber.

      If all else fails, ask for a transfer to another department, a different location, or seek employment elsewhere.

      Backstabbing friends - A backstabbing friend requires handling with kid gloves. If the friendship is over, then worrying about hurt feelings is moot. Meet the backstabber head on, but not until you can face her without anger spilling over. Be cool, calm and collected when you confront her. Expect everything and anything to be laid out on the table. Backstabbers often exhibit passive-aggressive behavior and tend to dislike confrontations.  

      • In a soft tone of voice alert the backstabber to the fact that you know what's going on. Do not allow yourself to be pulled into an argument. Listen to what she says and then leave the situation alone. The fact that you know what's up may be enough to stop the backstabbing.
      • Remember how the tip of a virtual knife feels and stand up for others at work or in your circle of friends that may be experiencing the slash of a backstabber.
      • Do not offer too much information too soon. Keep your private life private at work and when meeting new people.
      • Finally, do not resort to the very tactics used on you. No matter how appealing revenge looks, lowering yourself to the level of low-ball tactics puts you in the same league as the backstabber.

      No one wants to feel the betrayal of backstabbing best friends or colleagues. It does happen and when it does make certain that you are prepared to deal with the backstabber in an appropriate manner. For friends it may come down to cutting them out of your life. You will not have that option in the workplace. Finding ways to live with the backstabber or remove yourself from the situation. A good quote to live by comes from Renaissance clergyman and poet George Herbert, "Living well is the best revenge."

      Are You a Fair-Weather Friend?
      A true friend will always be there for you in good times and bad, in sickness and health. But are you the type of friend who will stick around when stormy weather approaches, or are you ready to split when there’s rain the in the forecast? Find out now if with this fair-weather friend quiz.
      Copyright © 1998 – 2009 – www.LifeScript.com – All rights reserved.

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        • +2 votes vote up vote up

          Susan Dahringer wrote May 22, 2009
        • For me backstabbers and I don’t get along.Those type of people who do underhanded and sneaky crap think that will get ahead in the company...I have zero tolerance for BS like that



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Cuddlz wrote May 22, 2009
        • I agree with you two!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Mz. Queen wrote May 22, 2009
        • Wow. This person is treacherous and the only person worse would be the two of these wrapped up in one.  A coworker masquerading as your friend while stabbing you in the back. I can honestly say that no one I ever considered my true friend has done this horrible thing to me, coworkers on the other hand have tried unsuccessfully. “No weapon formed against me shall prosper,” says the word of the Lord.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Kmarie wrote May 23, 2009
        • I agree also. I ahve experience both and the best thing is to walk away. the truth always comes out



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Mz. Queen wrote May 23, 2009
        • True, the truth does always come out and the funny thing about that is the one spreading the lies and gossip never seems to learn a life changing skill.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          La Shawn Henderson wrote May 23, 2009
        • I think I need to post this article on the office bulletin board. I work in a group home for teen girls with an all women staff. That spells drama, back stabbing and anything else you can imagined. I try my best to avoid it but as a supervisor I am sometimes the target. Yeah we have a lot of passive aggressive staff. I will try to use some of the suggestions from the article.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Syren wrote May 23, 2009
        • Thank you for posting this article! I have fallen for a backstubber colleague’s tricks not once, not twice, but countless times because she sneaked her way into my life as a friend...! And even though I did recognize her strategy as “backstubbing” I had an excuse for her because I felt for her insecurities and personal issues etc ... I am completly destroyed at work by her and now I’m the insecure one!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Laurie Zieber wrote May 23, 2009
        • hmmm

          thinking of a song on the FAB40 House Mix...



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          40andwhere wrote Jun 1, 2009
        • I believe that there was a backstabber involved with me losing my job.
          This woman was a greedy workaholic, and was just waiting to grab as much time as possible; but she only screwed herself in the process, now she has no coverage and they are all back to square one!

          This woman also did Not NEED the Money!  

          I will NEVER make consider my co-workers: “Friends“!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          L J wrote Jun 2, 2009
        • i agree with all of you!!!
          i had a coworker that was also my supervisor and last yr when i had to be toted out of work when i got hurt, she toted me out and put me in my car and let me leave by myself, and when she found out it was a back injury she didn't have anything to do with me anymore and quit calling!!!*that's a friend* right???
          i did ,by the grace of god, make it home and had to be ambulanced to the hospital where i was admitted though...



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Sandils1962 wrote Jun 3, 2009
        • That’s why I don’t go anywhere or associate with too many people where I live.  I have been backstabbed too many times.  I tend to keep to my self where I live.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Marie66 wrote Jun 3, 2009
        • I too, rather not associate with people like that.. I met this couple thru my hubby and this couple turned out to backstab me and my hubby and now they are the talk of the town (in a bad way)I’m  with SS, I rather keep to myself..  

          I do have friends that I can trust..

          GM



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          40andwhere wrote Jun 3, 2009
        • My husband keeps telling me, within arguments, that I need to make friends.  He just does not understand.

           I even tell my girls, with the rotten, backstabbing, so-called friends they find....I would rather be Alone and just Socialize than have a “Friend” to hang out with.

           I’ll talk to anyone who needs a conversation.  You could be anywhere and someone will just start talking to you.

           That’s fine with me.



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