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  • Being apart

    19 posts, 15 voices, 995 views, started Sep 30, 2008

    Posted on Tuesday, September 30, 2008 by Alexandra Boyd

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    • Amethyst
      Offline

      I hate when I’m pulled apart from the love of my life and we have to spend days at a time apart.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Yana Berlin wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • Most of the time I’m a single mother with no privileges of going out, my hubby travels 50% of the time, now he is scheduled to leave again next week.



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          Jaelgabriela wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • I Know the feeling ... so sad sometimes !!



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          Maura Jones wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • I work with, sleep with, live with, breath with my husband...I’d LOVE some time alone!



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          Mary Kelly-Williams, M.A. wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • Okay, where’s the bitching????  I crave time alone, I need time alone, I want so time alone RIGHT NOW.  My life has been altered drastically.  A 14 year old stepdaughter living with us full time....hate it hate it.  Love her, hate it.  I’m done, stick me with a fork.  I raised 4 teenagers.  I meant step-mom PART TIME.

          Every marriage should have built in sabbaticals lasting 3-6 months.  This should happen every 3-5 years.  I need a break from my husband!!!!  I’m tired of negotiating, accepting, letting go, listening.  It’s all BLAH BLAH BLAH.

          Tomorrow, I’ll go back to being Miss Nicey Nice.



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          M2pjulie wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • May I just speak up here and agree with Columnist Hotwoman? Husbands are great - like an old dog if you have the right one. My first was my worst, my second is my soulmate. We work together, but not “together“. He does his deal, I do mine, so we don’t work side by side in this business. It’s a great mix. He also travels, and most times we travel together. But when he travels alone, I call up one of my girlfriends and off we go. Just because he’s gone I don’t have to sit at home mourning his absence. Heck no. His absence for a day or two, week or two, whatever, just makes his homecoming fantastic.

          HOWEVER, that first husband - I could bitch about him for a month and never run out of topics!!! His forever unfinished “home improvement projects” that decreased the value of our house from $350,000 to $180,000. His freaking power tools strewn all over the house ALL the time. His obsession with COLLECTING tools. I mean, he’d have 3 or 4 of the same POWER tools, and 20 or 30 of simple things like hammers, screw drivers, etc. and they were always lying about the house! DROVE ME CRAZY!  

          At one point, I went 18 months brushing my teeth in the bathtub because he never got around to finishing installing the bathroom SINK. Oh, the sink was there, the faucets were there, but NO WATER. Dang that made me mad!  

          He drove (and still drives) a huge redneck pickup truck, and when I say huge I mean huge. Sorry if that offends anyone, but his redneck truck is special. Not all trucks are redneck trucks, but his is/was/will always be. He’ll bitch up the kids for leaving their school stuff in their cars, but he’ll have his truck so piled with crap that he can’t fit a passenger in there! I HATE his double standards! He drives like he thinks he’s Mario Andretti, too. Who races a truck? I mean, seriously?  

          And he collects things besides tools too. He actually ate me up once for using too many paper towels. He wanted me to hang them over a rail to dry and reuse later. So while he was hunting (yep, redneck all the way) for a week, the kids and I saved and rinsed out every single paper towel we used and hung them to dry all over the house. When he got home, it looked like someone had rolled the inside of our house. I asked him if he wanted us to start recycling toilet paper next. He said I was a bitch. I proudly acknowledged that he was correct.

          For some reason his cell phone wouldn’t send pictures, so he expected me to go to the cellular store and fix his problem. (Excuse me, slavery went out years ago. Do it yourself.) When I would travel with my job - which I have always done - he’d let the dishes pile up in the sink and when I got home he’d tell me to clean the place up. The laundry would be piled up, and no clean towels would be left in the closet. He wouldn’t do ANYTHING to help around the house! He’d just sit his butt on the sofa and watch Sci-Fi while I was gone. SCI FI??? Seriously?  I’d ask him, “Do you really like watching shows about alien bugs hibernating inside human beings, then breaking free through the poor human’s abdomen? This is your preferred form of entertainment? Really?” Oh my God.

          And vacations? FAMILY vacations? HA! Heck no. NONE! Zero, nada, zilch! Until I left him the first time, NOTHING. We’d have to go to Georgia during “huntin seezun” to spend our Thanksgivings down there, and any of his vacation time was expected to be spent down there. In a trailer, on a spit of land in the middle of woods (along with chiggers, ticks, spiders, and other bugs I can’t define). And what did the woods hold? HUNTERS WITH RIFLES. High powered rifles! Do you think the walls of a mobile home would stop an errant bullet that missed its target? And he wanted our KIDS to be down there!?! I always felt like we were vacationing with Marlin Perkins of Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom. It was NOT fun.

          And his clothes. Please. Skin tight Levi’s (“now Levi’s, that’s a MAN‘S jeans“), redneck army-style boots (great for combat, wrong for daily wear), WHITE TUBE SOCKS, and every shirt or sweater tucked and secured with a leather belt around his waist. And this huge-ass belt buckle that would embarrass even Hank Williams Jr. Cowboy hat? No. Not that classy. It was always some cheap plastic version of a baseball-style cap. Usually with some emblem blazened across it that no normal human should promote. If the man wore a sweatshirt, he’d tuck that right in his waistband. If he wore a hawaiian shirt, same thing. Some things are just MEANT to be left UNTUCKED! But oh no, not him. Tuck it right in there and secure it with that ugly belt.  

          The guy wouldn’t carry a wallet if his life depended on it. He had a MONEY CLIP. Yep. Really. No wallet, just all his dollars and one or two cards safely clipped in that silver money clip. Wasn’t even an heirloom. I bought him the silver clip because I got tired of seeing him clip it all together with a bull-clip he’d swiped from my office.

          Fine dining? RYAN‘S STEAKHOUSE, until Golden Corral came to town. Then it was GC all the way - they served steaks on their bar.  Tell me, have you ever seen the people that eat there? Their attitude is, “get out of my way, bitch, I wanna gimme some of dat yellow stuff.”  I mean, it’s a TROUGH for these people! Belly up to the bar, buddy, have at it. That is NOT my scene. He says I’m a snob. I disagree. I just don’t want to eat something that’s been slopped out there for all the little piggies! And I have literally watched obsese men and women scratch their butts under their pants (ew, really) and then pick up the serving spoon and dip food onto their plates. I gagged. Children are the worst. They’ll pick their nose and go for the candy bowl on the desert buffet. WHILE THEIR PARENTS WATCH!!! I figured they were all “a-pickin and a-grinnin” so I just didn’t eat and swore off from that moment forward. I refuse to eat at those places. He thought it was “all good” - just “EXTRA PROTEIN.” Oh my GOD.

          Those boots he wore - remember those? They’d stomp across our hardwood floors and it sounded like the cavalry had come home. He’d stomp at 5:30 am when he was leaving for work, he’d stomp at 12:30 am when he was going to bed. Those boots made a statement, and it was never a good statement. I hated those boots. Still do.  

          And he can’t finish anything. You know what? He started having an affair about 3 years ago, which delighted my soul to death. I was so happy for him, and wanted so much for him to bring her home. But you know what? She moved. She MOVED. The guy can’t even finish AN AFFAIR right! SERIOUSLY? Who screws that up? He hadn’t slept with or had sex with me in a decade—- why did he let a sure thing go?  

          Um, the sex thing - yeah. A decade. Why? Because his idea of foreplay was brushing his teeth.  “Come on, baby, I used CREST tonight!”  Ew. No. Not even, and not ever. The most adventuresome thing he ever did was wear socks one night while he was in his usual missionary position. Maybe that’s why the girlfriend left? It’s sure one of many reasons the WIFE left.

          Parenting? HA! He is the POSTER PERSON for the “30-minute dad.”  Sperm donor is what he was. I’m very grateful for my 2 miraculous kids, although I’d gladly hand the oldest (now 18) off to the highest bidder for a while. But I’d want her back, because one day she’ll come out of this “all about me” stage. But her dad - helping? PARENTING? HAHAHAHAHA! Uh, no. Not him. Like with the dishes and laundry, it was always MY job to handle the tough stuff. Whenever HE got involved, it always included bruises. Not cool, but very typical of rednecks. Nearly got him arrested a few times. Want to see some pictures? I could post them - I still have them. He doesn’t know how to discuss anything, he just gets mad and swings.  He put the hole in @$$hole.  My son can’t stand him, my daughter loathes him, but they’ve both figured out they can manipulate him so both do it regularly. Do I care? Only when it hurts the kids, but I can’t fix it and he’s too stupid to realize he’s being played, so I guess they all have to learn their own lessons. I just hope everyone lives through it all.

          So, how’d I do? Did I bitch enough??  Can ANYBODY top mine???  Cause Girl, if you can, I don’t want to be you.



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          Robinesque wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • M2pjulie, I always look for a good laugh and girl, the tears(of laughter) haven’t even DRIED and I’m trying to type THANK YOU!!!!!!!  That was as hilarious as I’m sure it was sad (for you).  

          (Sorry).



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          Mary Kelly-Williams, M.A. wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • I only had time to read before I go hop on my bike to hear Michelle Obama speak at the University of Colorado.  Nobody better bitch about her, or there will be hell to pay from me!  :)

          M2pjulie—great bitch—you are the master bitch teacher and you earned every bit of that vent didn’t you.  Damn men.



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          Alice Garza wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • WOW!! m2pjulie, that was a mouthful and then some.
          It is good to have some “me time” I hope you and husband number two will be blissfully happy. But don’t knock the girls who so happily in love and want to spend every minute of the day with their husband....



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          Peejay64 wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • I understand the heartache of being apart.  We have gone through a couple of very lengthy relocations where we’d be apart for weeks at a time.  There would be a point when I would get accustomed (and prefer) sleeping alone!  It really just made us appreciate our “together time” even more.  That said, there’s nothing wrong with a short time apart too....as long as it’s for the right reasons!  I truly do believe that “absence makes the heart grow fonder“...where did that saying come from, anyway?  My point is, I understand the separation issues but also appreciate it when I am able to have a little “alone time” or a well earned “mommy weekend“.  Hang in there!



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          Jacquie6363 wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • mp2julie..LOL...oh how funny.  I have not had an ex, been married for 18 years, and I just love it when he is gone.  I love that “ME” time.  I can’t say I understand why people have the need to be always be together, but I can say that I do understand that it is not healthy.  It might appear as though it is, but it is not.  No offense to anyone, if that is what you prefer, then so be it.  I have seen relationships where there is no trust factor and if either party feels the need to go outside of their norm, all hell breaks loose.

          Before getting married, I was an independent strong woman and intend to remain that way.  I always see myself as an individual first, mother, then a wife.  I put it in that order, because first I have to take care of me, in order to take care of kids, then hubby, he is a big boy and can take care of himself while momma takes care of herself and the kids.  When all that is done, then we can take care of each other.  After kids are in the equation, hubby’s needs becomes 2ndary to that of the kids, but this is done in an orderly manner.

          Let me expound a bit further, when i say take care of me first, it’s not about making sure i buy myself something, then buy the kids, then get hubby’s or making sure that i get the first of everything.  It’s about making sure that my mindset is where it needs to be, that I am in that happy place, so I spiritually, mentally and physically take care of me first, then I am good to take on the world and most things that are thrown in my path.

          There was a time in our relationship where my husband at times was very needy and boy that is not attractive.  He would call once 2 many in one day to say nothing or to say the same thing over and over.  Thank heavens he is breaking away from that because it can drive a woman crazy.  I am an auditor in an insurance company and can you imagine, being in the middle of an audit and you get a stupid call, when you are asked, “what u doing“..so what  is the logical response to that..for me it is “I am sitting on the beach having a fuzzy navel, would you care to join me”  

          I see needed men as weak and insecure...why why is for the terrible twos, that grown men.  I do get that “ME” time and also “girfriend” time, but whenever, he gets those opportunities to go out of town, I am always ready to pack his bags.  It is not about making my heart grow fonder, in my case, it is about keeping my sanity



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          Rene' Grandon wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • I too don’t have an ex, I have been married 23 years.
          I do understand the heartache of seperation.
          My husband was in the Navy and the worst was when he was in the Bahamas after sea trials and I was in Virginia Beach on our first year anniversay. That really sucked!
          I spent our first anniversary,alone,crying eating tv dinner alone.

          Ciao,
          Bella



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          Yvonne13 wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • mp2julie,
          Hilarious! Loved the foreplay—except mine was ALTOIDS! Collecting—listen to this...he once bought almost $1500 of dirt on EBAY because people were selling it as having gold in it. He bought a special pan and would hunch down in the yard with the hose panning for GOLD! When it was all said and done—he made himself a whole $32 in gold...we had bags, boxes, envelopes arriving daily...all full of DIRT! I truly don’t know where the hell these people come from. As my mother used to ask “Where do your people come from?”
          Anyway I could rant on and on—-with EBAY purchases from knives to hats to cheap watches—ohhhhne time he WON the bid for a special hat...it was special alright...it was used and had whoever sold it’s sweat, greasy hair dirt, finger marks all over it! HYSTERICAL! The best one was the hat he bought to look like Clint Eastwood in one of his movies...he put it on and he looked like an Amish person whose hat was too big..then asks—what do you think of my new hat? Lovely madam..perhaps a scarf to throw jauntily over the shoulders would complete the look!

          Anyway I feel you previous pain—and I share your hysterical laughter over the ridiculousness of it all.



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          Yvonne13 wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • sorry m2pjulie—spelled your name wrong!



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          Mary Kelly-Williams, M.A. wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • Hey this is a free for all bitch.  If you want to miss your time away from your lovebug, go for it.  If you relish the time alone, that’s good to.



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          Maria68 wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • m2pjulie, you are my hero. No one can bitch like you.

          I am going thru a separation after 16 years of marriage and it hurts like a m%*%& f(*^*%, but it getting easier and easier to handle each day.

          Ladies, enjoy your significant other and appreciate each day you spend with or without them.



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          M2pjulie wrote Oct 2, 2008
        • The most honest form of survival can be found in laughter. If we don’t laugh, lifes hurts will rip us to shreds. I’m delighted you laughed with me yesterday about that silly man I spent so many years with. The more I wrote, the harder I laughed, and it all just flowed so quickly off my fingertips! I guess I really needed NBD.  

          I hope everyone found some special spot of relief from venting. Happy weekend to all!

          Yvonne - YOU ARE HILARIOUS!  ALTOIDS!!! HAHAHA!!



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