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  • Cougar? Nah!

    +4
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    28 posts, 22 voices, 1576 views, started Sep 13, 2008

    Posted on Saturday, September 13, 2008 by Cheryl Phillips

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    • Dating is hard enough without trying to figure out what kind of man is best for you, what age range you prefer, etc. etc.

      I’ve done enough dating to know...if I used the “want” list that I made up 7 years ago post-divorce, I’d probably be with the wrong guy. Experience has taught me that I’m evolving all the time. What may have been good for me 7 years ago is now not even close to what makes me happy. I’ve learned to like MYSELF, take time for me and enjoy being alone without a need to “find” a man.  I always had an idea that the best guy for me was my age, or maybe a year or so around that. Then I realized that I was limiting myself...

      Then he walked into my life. Probably the reason why I have not found the right guy up til now is because I had to learn about myself first. So glad I did.  

      I’m 45 and my passion is writing and my children. I’ve got a big sense of humor and I live life for the day as much as possible. I’m rarely serious but I’m very passionate about all I do. Anthony is soon to be 39, a civil engineer who is the director of public works for a large city. He’s an outstanding Dad to two boys, witty and he’s intense about life—-a perfectionist compared to my far from perfectionist personality. Anthony is smart and grounded...oh, and incredibly handsome with an infectious smile. What’s not to like!!???

      So, age makes no difference. We’ve got an incredible connection and I don’t see an age gap at all. I’ve met men 48 and older who don’t have his level of maturity....

      So, ladies, don’t let age be a barrier in dating. Just go with your gut and enjoy....

      +4
      Love it


      •  


        • +1 votes vote up vote up

          Yachtingkat wrote Sep 26, 2008
        • Concur! In a society that has the intense outward focus on what every one else is doing, the whole fascination with who dates whom and how old they are, what their motivations might be (hey if the ancient sex/money construct make you a good couple, I say go for it!)etc has gotten, well, tedious - to say the least.

          I’ve dated people 13 years older than I am and 15 years younger - and it truly does depend on who the person is, who you are and in the simplest form of grace anjd beauty: are you both happy? Is it working for you? Then that’s where you are  (both) meant to be...

          Sunny Friday to you all - as a new member of the community, I’m happy to be here!

          Kat



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        • +1 votes vote up vote up

          Cheryl Phillips wrote Sep 26, 2008
        • I often forget my age...such is why that “number” is ridiculous. I see people my age who are ready for the rocking chair—but I think the 40s are a time to rock instead.



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        • +1 votes vote up vote up

          Cynthia Schmidt wrote Sep 26, 2008
        • Cheryl, you strike me as incredibly youthful, full of life and, besides, 5 children will definitely keep you young. I agree with what you said about maturity. And besides the fact, you‘re gorgeous so what man at any age wouldn’t find you so?

          My father was 5 years younger than my mother. He was completely devoted to her until the day he passed. And, never once did I see any real difference in their “age.”

          All the best. You deserve the caring and loving of a fulfilling relationship with a best friend no matter what his chronological label.
          Cynthia



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Cheryl Phillips wrote Sep 26, 2008
        • Wow. Thank you so much. It’s been a long road raising my kids alone for the past 7 years. I don’t think I would have been a good partner a few years ago...too focused on other things. I’m so ready now and this relationship is so anxiety-free. He’s a phenomenal guy who completely fits what I need in my life. Added bonus—his sons are awesome and he’s such a great Dad. My kids absolutely love him...and they are always good barometers.

          Thanks for the compliments. It’s nice to have just a really calm, wonderful relationship instead of one of those that leaves me wondering where I stand. Glad I waited...and age? I don’t see the difference at all.  

          Have a great weekend!



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        • +1 votes vote up vote up

          Coachmombabe wrote Sep 26, 2008
        • A few years ago I came across I quote and clipped it out for my “treasure map“.

          “Live your life and forget your age” are the words that accompanied a photo of an “older” woman rigging the sails on a sail boat (at least I think that’s what she was doing). I loved the quote and the implied meaning.  

          We have several within our own family that have married much older or much younger and it all seems to be working.  

          So...live your life! forget your age! ;o)



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        • +1 votes vote up vote up

          Dianne67 wrote Sep 27, 2008
        • I was in a marriage with a man 2 years older than me.  I am now with a man 8 years younger.  He is wonderful!!  I don’t have any hang-ups at all with the age difference.  The one difference I do find is that being 8 years older the things that worry him are things that I now realize are not worth taking so serious.  I try to explain it to him; but he needs to live it too.

          I am also more financially secure and more aware of how having 401K and saving for retirement is important.  I have also experienced owning a home and being married.  These will be new things for him.  I now realize that it is better to have less and live more debt free.  I don’t have the urge for a large home anymore because I have had it.  I want more of a modest lifestyle.  I am happy to say that he agrees.

          I am also very careful of not coming across as being motherly to him.  I am so used to being a wife and doing everything when married to my ex.  I now step back and don’t do things like that anymore.  It is actually nice to have a man that knows how to do his laundry and take care of himself.  My ex counted on me for all that stuff.

          I do find the whole cougar thing funny.  Men have been dating younger woman and it has been so acceptable; but now with it reversed it gets so much attention.  I am glad to see what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

          Hugs-
          Dianne



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        • +1 votes vote up vote up

          Lrdukes wrote Nov 9, 2008
        • Ha...I drive a Cougar...It’s fast and I love the growl...kinda like ME! My husband of almost 9 years is 7 1/2 years younger than me.  He is much more mature than my first husband who was only 2 years younger.  He has not children and has taken on the roll of daddy to my three.  They absolutely love him.  More of a dad to them than their own dad.  I have dated older and younger and prefer the younger.  Since I am still so full of life...the old farts can’t keep up and are way too boring!  lol

          I agree with Coachmom...

          Live your life; forget your age (and everyone elses)!!!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Hunnypot88 wrote Jan 26, 2009
        • That is good advive. I have two men wanting to talk to me one is 37 and the other is 30, and I must admit the age thing has really spooked me, especially the 30 year old. But if we are both feeling each other I guess I need to stop worrying about age and just have fun. Thanks



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Alltogethertina wrote Feb 7, 2009
        • I have been with a few younger guys 5 to 10 years younger. They are heartbreakers & I will never go there again. they are in it for my percieved experience & the thrill of bedding an older woman. One actually told me, “You didn’t really expect that I was here for the duration, did you?” “I thought you knew this was all for the fun of it!”



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Yachtingkat wrote Feb 8, 2009
        • Interesting alternative perspective on the thread alltogethertir.  

          It’s been interesting to follow this thread thru the months. My previous relationship was with a man 4 years younger...but in that way that makes you realize that you  have totally made it to closure, I realized with the shock of a body blow that my entire relationship to him had been TOTALLY framed by my fathers decline and death. So to me that was a definite statement about age being TRULY a number, and irrelevant. Our attractions are based on so many other things.

          Now I’m with someone who is nearly a decade younger than I - and I’m with him because it feeds us both so profoundly - emotionally, spiritually, intellectually. It began as a friendship, but the attraction from the first was obvious; later acknowldeged - then finally acted on in terms of adding the physical relationship into the mix.

           And for me it will run as long as it runs - although I freely acknowledge that there is nowhere I am looking to “get” in a relationship, so my perspectives are probably different than many.

          I will also say that duration is not a test of validity - so even though I “hear” you when you say these two relationships were heartbreakers, I hope that when you look back you may find some value that they may have contributed to your growth and self-knowledge, for nothing occurs by accident...



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        • +1 votes vote up vote up

          Drummerchicksw wrote Mar 19, 2009
        • I will post! I dated a guy 17 years younger, for a year and a half. He was too immature, but I don’t think there’s much correlation between age and maturity. I dated a guy right after my divorce who was 48, and he had to be the most immature loser I’ve ever met.

          Currently, I’m dating a lot. It’s like I’m in higher demand now that i’m 41 than I ever was in my teens! I’m casually dating a guy who’s 25...one who’s 27...one who’s 35...and one closer to my age (he’s 42).  I have other guys in their 20s interested in me.

          I really do think women our age are experiencing some kind of renaissance. I look young, and I don’t act my age, usually! So I tend to hang out with younger women, and I gotta say-so many of them play manipulative games, don’t develop their own personal interests and therefore just aren’t very interesting, and expect WAY too much from men. I think this is why guys in their 20s and 30s are actually SEEKING OUT older women.

          This is why I say, I’m no cougar—they prey on me. I don’t NEED to prey on them. They find me :)



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Barbara Http://www.wetutor.com/profiles/156 wrote Mar 19, 2009
        • I am engaged to someone who is 10 years younger.
          Even adults go through developmental stages at different ages.
          What I mean is that we are all different and I am sure we have all met people younger or older who seemed our same age...or NOT!! : ) Barb



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          Cynthia Schmidt wrote Mar 19, 2009
        • When my mom met my dad he was 19 and she was 25. They were married 39 years until my dad died.



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        • +1 votes vote up vote up

          Victoria Bryant wrote Apr 8, 2009
        • I agree with all of you ladies. I have dated men 12 years older than me, the same age, and once I was seriously involved with a man 10 years younger. We had our ups and downs but I can’t remember any of them being age related. As I get older, it seems, most of the men I meet are younger than me. My kids friends tell them I’m hot ( they think this is so grossestatic). Ladies, you know we live in a world that is so youth conscious especially where women are concerned. So, when a 28 year old man flirts with me it makes me feel great.
          Oh yeah drummerchick, I hear you, ” I’m no cougar- they prey on me!!!”



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Goddess47 wrote Apr 22, 2009
        • I have always been attracted to men younger than myself, even as far back as high school, when I was a senior, I went to the prom with a sophmore. When I was 36, I dated a guy who had just turned 21. I guess I’m just young at heart, LOL. Now, I’m 47, and was dating a 29 year old. At my “maturity“, It’s a HUGE ego boost! I have a 26 year old daughter, and my family always joked that I would be stealing away her boyfriends. It never happened, never would, but how sweet would THAT be???? just kiding, (maybe). I’d like to know how young I COULD get em‘, tho.

          PS....It might be interesting to know, that although I rarely date men my own  age, I do marry them older than me.(Twice)

          QUESTION????? At my age, what would be the age limit, before it turns into something twisted and wrong???????



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          Huntie wrote Jun 1, 2009
        • Well!! I sure am glad I found this group! I am now 40, and my husband has just turned 28. In October we will have been married for 5 years. Marrying him was the best decision I have ever made. My previous marriage lasted for 17 years, and it was sheer hell, in every way a man can make it hell for a woman. My “young” husband now is the light of my life, my soul mate, my best friend...and mature? HONEY!! He is a real man, with a real heart, and he keeps his focus on what is important. I am a bit overwieght (about 30 pounds) and yet he makes me feel like a princess. I don’t know what I have done to deserve a good man, it scares the ever- living crap out of me,  but there it is....



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          Brenda Clark wrote Nov 24, 2009
        • Outstanding! I have always had an age hangup and guess what I’m having a great time with a friend/date who is 16yrs my Junior. He may just be starting his career but right now I just enjoying sharing the days. :)



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          VICKY CORYEA wrote Mar 16, 2010
        • I am 53 and for over 3 years  have hung out with a younger guy who is 13 years younger. We ALWAYS have a blast. We never run out of things to talk about. We Get each other !  I never felt that he was immature or too young! He is a genuine friend, and sometimes more!!!!lol   lol.    

          I think too much emphasis is put on age. Of course no one wants to rock the cradle but as long as each is happy and content, why not?
          On a  dating site I had a 29 year old interested.........told him no thanks.........too close to my son who is 25..  we each decide what feels right!



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          LuAnn Venden wrote Mar 16, 2010
        • You know, if I had first met my current husband when I was in college and he was in high school, it wouldn’t have worked.  But these days? Makes no difference!



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