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  • Don’t be less than yourself!

    23 posts, 15 voices, 494 views, started Nov 18, 2008

    Posted on Tuesday, November 18, 2008 by Rebecca Deos

    •  



    • Aquamarine
      Offline

      It seems that lately I'm having alot of conversations about women having to dress down or be less them themselves to please other women. Just the other day, I was having a conversation with my sister in law, a young woman just starting out on her journey of marriage & kids.

      She came to me completely frustrated with PTA meetings and having to be less than herself, or she would be ganged up on by other women. As a new member of the PTA, she was specifically told by a friend, who was already a member, not wear makup. She is too pretty as it is, she shouldn't accent it and to dress down so she would blend in and not be as noticeable. To do more would bring the rath of the women mob mentality.

       We've all seen it. We have all been at events where a beautiful woman walks in and immediately the women at your table point her out, call her a bitch, and ask "Who does she think she is dressing like that?".

       I don't have many female friends. That's partially why. I refuse to be part of that cycle that does nothing but hurt us women.

       And I refuse to make myself less to keep others in their comfort zone. I'm proud of who I am, and work hard to keep myself healthy. How that effects others, I'm not sure. But even a recent weight loss program,brought scorn upon me. there were woman who were more then happy to have me as their "fat friend", but I was some how threatening to them as I lost weight. I’m the same person just a smaller healthier shell. Rather than suport for my wieght loss, I was told I was getting to thin and should stop losing weight. I felt very sexy when i was volumptous.I’m still not a stick, nor will I ever be or want to be. I started the wieghtloss for health issues and not to be glamorous or becauae the mass media said I should.

       There are enough problems with the media and the image of women, and we all have images with our own self esteem without having other women attempt to knock us down.

      You need to be true to yourself, and you do not need to live with false limitations.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Inakika wrote Nov 18, 2008
        • Amen! This is so right on. Part of the reason I love this Community (Fab40) is because we uplift each other.
          When I first moved here to Central Louisiana 2 years ago (from California), I had such a hard time making friends. One of my husbands’ relatives told me it’s because “you look different” then some of the women here. They told me most of the ladies here don’t wear make-up and they don’t dress fancy (I don’t either)
          I refuse to change who I am to fit in, so I mostly keep to myself. It’s sad how we women are the first to tear each other down.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Darla5 wrote Nov 18, 2008
        • In our real estate office it is mostly women. Thank God I have a male partner. Anyway, I am in the office seldom. When I do go in,I am reminded why I like to stay away.

          Last month our office had a big luncheon and there were alot of people invited including the Mayor. Most of the food was catered. All of us signed up to bring sides. We signed up for drinks. My partner and I got there early to see what they needed help with and what we could do. We bought the drinks. Someone forgot to bring the cooler. We went and got one from the house.  Some one forgot the ice, we got the ice. Set it all up. Well, someone was suppose to cook fries in the fry daddy. The lunch started at 12:00pm. At a quarter til nobody was cooking fries. Everybody that came in was just talking and waiting ...I guess to be served. Anyway, another girl and I went in the kitchen to start the fries. We were in there working and it was hot.

          A girl comes in the kitchen with some others and says to me, “I cannot believe someone asked Glamour Girl to cook.” I turned around and said, “WHAT???” She said it again.  

          I said , “Well, you know I don’t guess anybody really asked me but, I thought someone needed to start it seeing that it starts in 15 minutes and nothing has been done.” Everybody was just  waiting to be served and finally the other girl that was helping  and myself got to sit down and eat. One of the agents came over where we all were sitting and patted me on the back and said, “You know the fries are getting low and since Darla was so good at making them...” a long pause.

          Well, I just sat there and was thinking, UGHHH... I Don’t think so. We finished our lunch and we said bye to everybody and Glamour girl was out of there.    

          I felt like saying get your butt  up yourself and fix them. I did what I was signed up to do and some.

          Our team had a real estate billboard up here in the city with our pictures on it. One day we were all in the office and one of the girls said that one of her male friends wanted to know did Darla really look like that in person or was it one of those Glamour shot pictures. She said, “No, she really looks like that everytime I have ever seen her.” There were a couple of other girls standing around and you can tell they did not like hearing that.

          My guy partner is my Dad’s age. He told me when we walked out, Darla they are just jealous. HE said, “I am amazed at how caddy women can be.” He said my wife talks about it all the time, But, I was a supervisor for Bell South for 30 years and it was mostly men.” He said that he would rather work with a man  any day of the week because women are mean and some are down right wicked. He said, ” Kid ,you are one of a kind and be thankful you are not like them.”  

          So needless, to say I stay away from alot of the  women agents. IF you are successful, they don’t like you and will talk about you and if your not successful they will talk about that also.  

          One guy that use to be a Broker for years told me this.

          He got in trouble from the owner of the company one day for how he talked to the lady agents. He said he still stuck to his guns about what he said to the agents that complained about him.  He told them all you women complain about how you are not selling. He said you come in here every morning and grab your coffee and talk about everybody else. Go have lunch and rack some poor soul over the coals and then come back in for a little last minute gossip and then you call it a day. What a productive day.

          I thought it was funny. Sadly, there was alot of truth to it.

          Does it bother me sometimes, Yes it does. It hurts. I know I do my best to be nice to everybody. Some people I have figured out... I just can’t please them. So move on...    

          The girlfriends I have are the real deal. I thank God for them and I let them know all the time house much I truly love them.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Dee Dee Shaw wrote Nov 18, 2008
        • hmmm, I guess I am glad I am somewhat of a hermit. Thankfully I don’t encounter that. Contrarily, we are encouraged to dress up, not down. You always feel better when you are all ‘made’ up and dressed well. I know I do. For years I kind of let myself go as a housewife. My dear sweet husband loves me for who I am and could care less. Finally I decided that I care. And I’ll dress nice and be concerned about my health/figure because it affects how I feel. Maybe only having a few IRL friends isn’t so bad. :)



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Almostfive0 wrote Nov 18, 2008
        • I think it is so sad that some women feel the need to tear each other down. I come from a family of seven beautiful sisters, my mother was as stunning on the inside as she was on the outside and I always looked up to all of them. I never understood when other girls would speak of someone being “jealous” of some other girl or whatever, and even as I got older I just could never get my brain around the notion of being jealous of anyone or someone being jealous of me for that matter. I think it is because of the way I was raised.
          If you want something someone else has go out and get it for yourself if you can. If you admire someones personality try adding some of their qualities to what you already are.  

          I always applauded other women and have always looked to other women for inspiration.
          I tell my daughter...“Never make yourself small for anyone.
          Do you baby!”



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Dee Dee Shaw wrote Nov 18, 2008
        • When they are green with envy, how can they expect to compare? LOL I am sure it is a lack of self confidence issue. I have to admit, before I found my Fab40 confidence I was a little indimidated by good looking, sexy, full of confidence women, who seemed to be flirting with everyone. I never would have been rude or suggested they were over the top, but I wasn't comfortable around them. Now I see it was confidence, not sashaying for all to notice. :)



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Darla5 wrote Nov 18, 2008
        • I have girlfriends that are beautiful and they know it. One of my girls I was talking to and I told her I need to think of a ring tone for you when you call. She said, Brick House. Well, that is what it is when she calls. It is funny. She is full of confidence and carries herself so well. It does not bother me in the least. I love her. I think confidence is something every women shoud have. It would stop alot of the insecure comments/acts that women do or say.

          There is a major difference between confidence and conceit.

          ALMOSTFIVEO- GIRL PREACH IT....



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Rebecca Deos wrote Nov 18, 2008
        • Wow, what great comments. It’s so nice to find other strong confident women!!!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jacquie6363 wrote Nov 18, 2008
        • HATERS, that’s what they are.  I get a lot of taunting at work, because of the way I dress.  I love to dress nice, I know no other way.  My mom is a seamstress and she had my older sister and I at a young age, so she was constantly making us clothes.  I joke with her and tell her guess we were her dolls.  My husband tells me I am spoiled because almost always, I have something new for an event.  I tell him, blame it on my mom.

          Happymom, you are so right, you feel so much better when you are dressed nicely.  You can even change the mood of the day, if it is a cloudy boring rainy day, why wear, grey/black/navy?  Spice it up, wear some color, you would be amazed.

          If those HATERS would look inside themselves, they would see that there is a beautiful woman just waiting to get out.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Bobbi Bacha wrote Nov 19, 2008
        • REbecca I concur 100 percent.  I have modeled and have one model daughter, and both daughters are beautiful..  

          We get this all the time.  We are what we are.  And we are friendly and love to talk to other women, but the instant jeolously is there it takes much to break the ice and usually we become friends.

          Some Women are too judgemental of each other.

          I think a good rule is to not judge by the cover, open the book and start reading the pages first.

          I dont judge in my profession I always stay objective.  I try to look at all sides of situation and deeper for character.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jenni0811 wrote Nov 19, 2008
        • Kudos to all the women on this site.  

          I believe that it is a natural tendency for we women to let the big green monster, ENVY, out when they see another woman who incites some insecurity in us.  

          I am no better, but I try to realize it for what it is, my emotional failing. The other woman who is deemed more beautiful, better groomed, better dressed, more confident, yada yada yada certainly is not at fault for presenting themselves in the best possible light. We need to embrace a woman who has worked hard to maintain their physical appearance ~ she probably has a lot of strength and inner fortitude.  

          None of this has no bearing what-so-ever on what is inside that woman. Thus, we need to put those envious first impressions aside and try to get to know all women for the person they are on the inside. And maybe we should take a step back and consider how she feels when she encounters an immediate negative reaction when meeting new women friends.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Almostfive0 wrote Nov 19, 2008
        • Very well said jeanie...



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Bobbi Bacha wrote Nov 20, 2008
        • Vintagediva.. Me too.. I love seeing beautiful women and I always see the beauty in all women, its a thing with me.  It could be hair, eyes, skin, nails..  

          I hate it when my daughters and I walk into a resturuant and suddenly, women start whispering and men start winking.  We are fun, and kind, and fun loving.  They will never know that.

          We were at a mall shopping once and my youngest daughter saw a married man and his wife shopping.. his wife wondered off and he was following her and looking at her, he told her your beautiful, I was very proud of my daughter, she  turned around and said Stop it, stop it right now.  The only person you need to be looking at is your wife and she walked off and set him straight.

          I wonder if women instinctively know or think thier men are threatened and they lash out at beautiful women as a defense to keep thier men from having a roving eye.

          I think its the mens fault women are like that.

          HA



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Rebecca Deos wrote Nov 20, 2008
        • I always make it a point that if I am out at an event, and I see a beautiful woman in a beautiful dress, that I go over, introduce myself, and compliment her.

           It’s always appreciated, and typically catches them off guard. She went through the work to look nice, why not acknowledge it?

           Too often, I have been in the restroom and heard women bitch and make snide comments about a beautiful woman that enters. So now, I try to pay it forward.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Almostfive0 wrote Nov 20, 2008
        • Rebecca I do that too. It not only makes them feel good but makes me feel good as well and it’s always genuine.
          I never have a problem giving a genuine compliment.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Michelle Rowe wrote Nov 20, 2008
        • jacquie6363 hit the nail on the head about Haters. I believe I used to be one of them when I was in my 20s; immature and jealous.... Now, I’m comfortable with who I am. I go to the gym a lot and when I see women who are bangin’ - I let them know how good I think they look. They always really enjoy the compliment.  

          Now, I work hard for my figure and I wear clothes that compliment it EVERY DAY! No one is going to tell me not to, OK??



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