Don't have an account? To participate in discussions consider signing up or signing in
facebook connect
Sign-up, its free! Close [x]

Benefits

  • okay Create lasting relationships with other like minded women.
  • okay Blogging, let your voice be heard!
  • okay Interact with other women through blogs,questions and groups.
  • okay Photo Album, upload your most recent vacation pictures.
  • okay Contests, Free weekly prize drawing.
  • okay Weekly Newsletter.

  • Failure To Thrive

    28 posts, 13 voices, 1087 views, started Feb 11, 2009

    Posted on Wednesday, February 11, 2009

    •  



    • inactive
      Carnelian
      Offline

      I often find myself wondering what it would take for all mankind to stop, for just a moment, and collectively determine that a woman’s worth is greater than the sum total of a man’s anger?

      Have you ever heard the term “Failure to Thrive“?  It is an old medical term, used most often meaning that a baby failed to live on its own after being born.  Basically, everything never quite got up and running.

      I don’t mean to offend or hurt anyone who’s lost a child at birth.  My heart breaks for everyone who’s been through that traumatic experience.  But I offer that it is a term that’s definition should be expanded.

      I think that as women, we often fail to thrive, particularly those in violent and abusive relationships.  I know for myself that I was, by no definition, thriving in my relationship.

      You see, to me, somewhere along the way men have got to get with the program.  We have every right to breathe, exist, think, want, need, feel, express just like they do. That in our existence there is never justification for them to raise a hand, much less use one.   We have a right to thrive.  Growth in a relationship requires that BOTH parties grow, learn and succeed.  That we own our thoughts and our words and that when we choose to use them, there is NOTHING we could ever SAY that warrants being injured.

      For far too long we have lived lives that have failed to thrive.  For far too long we have stepped back and taken what was given “for the good of the family“.  For far too long we have been objectified, we have been diminished, we have suffered at the hands of those we loved.  

      There is going to have to be an uprising.

      Again, I’ll ask once more:

      What it would take for all mankind to stop, for just a moment, and collectively determine that a woman’s worth is greater than the sum total of a man’s anger?



      •  


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jenz ~ wrote Feb 11, 2009
        • Some men don’t give a rip about things like that.
          Unfortunately, too many of us know what that ‘failure to thrive syndrome’ looks like. I had it temporarily due to a complete jackass. (Please excuse my obnoxious language there.) Some days I still have to shake it off.

          I guess at this point, the only 2 men I’m concerned with knowing the value of and having respect for women, are Jonathan and Christopher. My sons. And they already do. Those boys treat their girlfriends like gold.  

          As for the man I meet in the future, well, I’d suggest he have the knowledge before we meet. lol I’m not training anyone. haha



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Almostfive0 wrote Feb 11, 2009
        • I agree that the only way for there to be a change in the way some men think of women is to raise our sons to know the value not only of women but their own value and that it is no greater than a woman’s.

          We as women need to also know our worth, respect ourselves and not be afraid to demand respect.  And we also need to teach our daughters to do the same.



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Almostfive0 wrote Feb 11, 2009
        • Yeah, I saw that.  It’s just terrible and sad and I’m really at a lost as to what to say.
          It makes me want to call my daughter and connect with her on the subject.



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jenni0811 wrote Feb 16, 2009
        • Heard it.....  the world, and modern society specifically, needs to directly, strongly and swiftly address this attitude. While many wonderful strong women are putting forth 200%+ to change what our society deems acceptable....many are still holding us down. We are all women and we need to all stand together strong to demand equal respect in this world.



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Feb 16, 2009
        • I am in conclusion here...Our sons have to be reared to respect the women in their lives and it begins at home...If a child sees his parents going at it on a regular, then they are more apt to believe that the behavior is the ‘norm‘..If children grow up thinking all men ‘hit it and quit it’ then they’ll be apt to try to do the same...We have to teach our young men by words and deeds, how to treat their lovers, partners and wives!



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Feb 16, 2009
        • ..And yes our young women, daughters need to know that it’s okay to be without a man, a man does not define who we are or what we are worth...Society has women set the hail up...lol..Society tells us we‘re nothing without a man..so we sell our souls to have a man, just to fit in...and we go thru hell thinking we can ‘fix’ that man to make the relationship work...But sometimes making it work means walking away from it and being whole for doing just that....



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jenz ~ wrote Feb 16, 2009
        • You‘re all awesome in my book! happy



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Linni wrote Feb 16, 2009
        • there is nothing i can add here to this! you all have hit the nail on the head!  

          i have been teaching my sone that throughout the years..i don’t want him to be like his.. um, lemme be nice here.. dad..WOW that was hard to be nice! LOL



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Mary Clark wrote Feb 16, 2009
        • I just want to say...I’m sorry for all of you that have had bad past experiences either with your fathers, uncles, husbands, boyfriends...just men period.  

          I do not know about what all you have been through and I am so grateful that I don’t.  Reading all of your comments just makes me feel very blessed to have had a wonderful father who loved me unconditionally, was always there for me, and was always there for other people as well.  He and my mother didn’t always get along, but they NEVER ever put me between and despite their differences still came together for the good of their family.  And when I married, my father and all of my older brother in laws all made sure my husband understood that he would suffer major consequences if he ever laid one finger on me.  That was instilled in my sisters and me and I never forgot it and neither did he.

          I just do not comprehend why some men treat some women the way they do.  I do not understand that behavior.



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jenni0811 wrote Feb 16, 2009
        • Linni...I know its hard to say...  kudos to you for being an example to and teaching your son how to respect women.  

          I truthfully feel like I have no business expressing this opinion since I have not had any children, however, since I see us women bearing the bulk of the responsibility for raising our children, I must ask how are we raising our sons? Isn’t it up to us to see that every generation forthcoming hold complete respect for women?  

          Don’t beat me up for this.....I simply see it as our primary responsibility....we hold the power to pass on this knowledge and respect to our children through our words and deeds.



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Feb 16, 2009
        • jenni...you are exactly on point...and just because you have no children of your own, it doesn’t mean that you would have nothing to share in discussions like this...As long as you continue to have relationships with men, this is a part of you too...because he was once a child too and the way he was raised is a direct reflection on the type of man he is today....



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jenni0811 wrote Feb 16, 2009
        • Thanks, soulful.... I realize talk is cheap and I do not mean to negate any efforts any women on this planet has put forth raising their children.



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Alleyne-Hill wrote Feb 16, 2009
        • I remember growing up with the saying ‘It takes a village to raise a child“...What happened to those times? If more people would band together and be there for each other and these children, maybe they would be taught some values that they might otherwise not learn because of the type of household they live in...Just a thought...

          I know my mum had a great support system, she always had extended people around us, some good, some not so good..But all in all we did okay...and I most certainly learned a lot from the people around me...



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Lilibet wrote Feb 16, 2009
        • Beautiful words from everyone. It does start at home. My son is the most laid back, sensitive boy I know. He sees his mom going through these terrible times and learning a lot. I think the cycle can be broken with our children. It’s a whole different worlds now.

          Do you think some of it is generational? That when the 20 year olds and younger grow up it will be different?



                Report  Reply



  • Fab40 Against Domestic Violence View Group »

    For anyone whose life has been touched in any way by domestic violence.