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  • FORGIVENESS

    9 posts, 7 voices, 657 views, started Oct 12, 2008

    Posted on Sunday, October 12, 2008 by Rena Bennefield

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    • Garnett
      Offline

      **My Baby Girl....When I found out I was pregnant, I was like "What".."How"!! I'm on the pill...I had not planned to have any more children..I was a 30yr old waitress and a single Mom, my son was 4yrs old..I was doing ok..I lived in the same trailer I lived in till I was 15, It was paid for. My furnishing were nice..Not top of the line..But they were mine..My car may not have been new but it was mine free & clear..All in all we were happy and living well..The father of my baby had the money to care for her...but he wanted me to get an abortion. Hell No..  9 months later I gave birth to a "Beautiful" baby girl..I named her Brittany Danielle...I was a bit freaked, I knew how to raise a boy...What was I gonna do with a sweet fragile baby girl..Let me tell you she was far from a fragile shy lil girl. Brittany was rough and tumble..She played soccer from the age of 5. Oh that child was defiant.. If she got in trouble and was punished, her attitude was it was worth a swat or grounding..I couldn't seem to get to her..Well I married her Father when she was about 5.We stayed in a hate filled loveless marriage for 13 yrs. I left and filed for a divorce..He got everything including My Baby Girl...I do not believe that there is a pain greater than someone taking away your Child.. Outside of maybe the death of a child..All I did for weeks was lay in my mom's bed and cried...I couldn't sleep or eat..My arms actually ached to hold her..I would have given 10 yrs of my life to hold her and smell the sweet way her hair smelled..She wanted me also..But money talks and that I didn't have..He would not let me have her..He only took her to hurt me and to keep from having to pay child support..I did get to spend time with her, we would go shopping and out to lunch..She missed me and I missed her..Then a year or so later I made a very big mistake..I moved to North Carolina..I figured she could come stay with me during the summers..I did have visitation rights...Brittany's life changed quickly after I left..He took her out of the private Christian school she had been in since first grade..And put her in public school..She went wild..Skipping classes getting into drugs, sex, everything and anything...This is only the beginning of the total destruction of her life..and every morning when I wake up I have to forgive myself for letting this happen to her..I feel so much guilt..I sometimes think that if I could only holder her and keep her safe that she would go back to being My Baby Girl...........I pray God will Forgive Me..There is a lot more to this story..I won't bore all nice ladies and my new friends, with the nightmare details..Just know that, I never ever wanted her to pay the price of my stupidity....Thank You



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Dianne67 wrote Oct 12, 2008
        • Wow......I am so sorry to hear all of what you have gone through.  

          You have to realize that you can’t control everything.  Forgive yourself for what you felt were mistakes.  You did the best you could and that is ok.  Don’t keep beating yourself up.  I think that sometimes we don’t realize as woman how hard we are on ourselves and what types of demands we place on ourselves.

          Cut your self some slack and know that you always have a safe place here to chat.

          Hugs-
          Dianne



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Rena Bennefield wrote Oct 12, 2008
        • Dianne...Thank You..She is a beautiful young woman now and she is struggling with a lot of demons..When I try to help her out I end up enabling her..If I give her money it goes for partying..So now I just send her the stuff she says she needs the money for..I have had her live with me 3 times and every time she comes down to see me she ends up depleting my savings and leaving without so much as a thank you..And it hurts. I know she blames me for her life..She has told me so..she did however say once to me that she forgave me..But I don't think she really did..



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Sandy3656 wrote Oct 12, 2008
        • I to am so sorry for what you are going through.  My baby girl is 21.  Her father left us for an older woman when she was in 2nd grade.  He didnt have much to do with her after that. And she was so angry with him that she didnt want to see him.  She is still so very angry.  I took her for counsiling and everything, but she continues to be so angry. She is now pregnant with my first grandchild. But the father of her baby is a no good you know what.  He has a son already and this one on the way and he walked off his job.  He wont get another one and he and his other son are  now living off of my daughter.  He drinks like a fish.  When they would come over he would always bring a bottle of Captain Morgan and drink it straight. He got so drunk at our house one night and my daughter (Elizabeth) was so embarassed that she decided to leave. Drunk he came into the house to get his first son who was sleeping.  He has no drivers license because of you guessed it a DUI.  Liz was recently in the hospital she had to have emergency surgery to have her appendics removed.  He wouldnt even stay with her at the hospital.  He had to go home to get sleep. For what its not like you have a job to go to!  (Sorry it makes me so very angry). And he got a ticket for driving without  license on his way home. But through all of this I continued to not tell my daughter how to live her life.  I knew that if I said anything to her she would just get mad at me and take his side.  So after not speaking with my ex (her father) for many years (they have somewhat of a relationship now her and her father), I called him to see if what he knew about the situation and what we could do about it.  I really just wanted to help her. I wanted her to see what we were seeing. Well his wife called my daughter and told her that I had called and what I said and my daughter called me up yelling at me.  She of course is choosing his side.  She told me once when they were at our house that he drinks like that all the time and then she has to watch is other son. But when she called me to yell at me and cuss me out she changed her story and told me that he only does it on the weekends and he is an adult.  Then she told me that i could consider myself to no longer have a daugher or a grandson (she is havng a boy), and she has not spoken to me since.  I have tried calling her but she will not answer my calls. I have sent her text messages and she will not reply. She doesnt know how badly she has hurt me. I did the best I could for my children. Yet as I sit here and write this I feel somewhat guilty. Did I do something wrong? Did I not do a good job of raising my children as a single parent?  My children rarely went without.  I went without before they did. I worked jobs i absolutely hated but did it for them. And now it just seems that everything I did meant nothing to her. All she does is tell me everything I did wrong.  She brings up times that she got into trouble for something when she was little (when she was talking to me). I asked her is that all you remember. My children didnt have everything but they had a lot. I sometimes wish I could go back and do things all over again and maybe things would be different today.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Feathermaye wrote Oct 12, 2008
        • There comes a point in every person’s life where we can no longer blame our parents for the state of our lives.

          The same holds true as parents! We must stand up for ourselves and say: “I was not perfect, but I did the best I could with the tools I was given. I’m sorry your life is a mess, but I cannot fix it for you.”

          You are not to blame for your daughter’s troubles!! You can love her, and encourage her to seek help for her addictions and behaviors, but you are doing yourself a vast injustice by taking this upon yourself.

          Close your purse and home to her until she can respect that you have a life to live, too. Your heart is the only place that should be kept open to her until she can get it together.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Rena Bennefield wrote Oct 12, 2008
        • **Would like to say thank all of you for your kind and thoughtful words..Your words of wisdom were taken to heart..I do have times when I stand my ground with her..But then she won't call me for days or weeks.. There is more to the story..I will share more later.. Thanks again...  /  Sandy I feel for you ..I know Brittany is the same way..She hates her dad and yet she is living with him..The more I try to make her see the bad in her life the more she pushes to peruse the wrong path..Good luck to you, Anytime you might need to talk send me a message..



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Rena Bennefield wrote Nov 2, 2008
        • WOW !!! Cherokee.. You went through a really tough time and made some really tough choices..I am so happy for you that you have all come together and for a common cause..To make sure you finished school and after used your education to better your life and theirs..I think if I had a better relationship with her father she may have turned out different..But the hate I have for that man's cruelties was more than I could overcome...I wish I had done better for myself..God hinge sights always 20/20... Thanks..



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