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  • Getting to the good Stuff - Contentment

    4 posts, 4 voices, 1741 views, started Sep 22, 2008

    Posted on Monday, September 22, 2008

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    • inactive
      Aquamarine
      Offline

      Getting here is what makes all the other stuff worthwhile. The journey to this point was no doubt long, emotionally draining, scary and very hard. Once you have experienced contentment, you know the journey was worth the trip.  

      Webster defines contentment as being "satisfied with what one is or one has". To be able to have this I believe is or should be everyone's goal in life. There is no question that finding this place is harder for some then it is for others. Going through a divorce makes reaching this place that much harder. I promise you though, if you do all the work and you feel all the feelings, good, bad and ugly, you will get to this stage and your life will be whole, no matter where you are. So if you are not here yet, keep on working and you will find your way.  

      What Does It Look Like?
      For me it is feeling comfortable in my own skin. I no longer strive to impress others or make them proud. All that matters is that I impress myself and make myself proud. I live my life truly and authentically.  

      Sometimes that makes others uncomfortable and if you allow them they will try to sabotage you. Don't let them! Those that feel uncomfortable about your authenticity are those who are not comfortable with themselves. So remember, when you are hesitant to show your true self to the world for fear of judgment, remember that the judgment comes from the judgers own agenda and it has nothing to do with you.  

      One thing that has really helped me accept this is recalling what my life coach told me to say to myself when others appear to be judging me "what they say says more about them then it does about me".  

      So my mantra for this phase was and still is "It's all about me", I am not saying this in a selfish way, although there is nothing wrong with being a little selfish sometimes. I am saying it to remind myself that I need to remember to show up everyday as my true self, not as others want me to be.  

      How Did I Get Here?
      I shared most of my journey with you already. But it did not stop there. The struggle continued and it still does from time to time, as I continue to learn more things about myself. The beauty of it all though is that now I have the awareness and the tools to make changes when things are not as I want them to be, so the struggles are fewer and less intense, it can be for you too.  

      There are two big things that stick out in my mind here. First was taking the time to define what contentment in my life would look like. So I wrote it down. There is a big difference between seeing it in your head and seeing it on paper. For me, when it is in my head it is abstract or an allusion, when I write it down it becomes a reality, obtainable. Basically, if I can define it then it is real. Once you have defined what contentment means to you and you make it real by writing it down, then you can use the available space in your head to design new thoughts, by changing the focus, you have begun to allow the universe to put in motion your definition of contentment and before you know it you are living it. Trust in the process!!

      The second big thing that made the shift for me was putting to rest an issue in my past that continued to plague me through my life. And the amazing thing about it was when I was ready to work through it the opportunities presented themselves to me. The other amazing thing was that it was a pretty small issue in the big scheme of things, but I feel it had big affects on my life.  

      Well anyway, it goes back to when I was in ninth grade. I treated someone very poorly and have struggled with the guilt of that for many years. It wasn't a constant feeling, but it would show up as a reminder periodically over the past twenty years. Well during this phase of my healing process, I had the opportunity to actually speak with this person and to tell him how bad I felt about how mean spirited I was toward him and that I have struggled with the guilt for many years. I apologized to him and asked for his forgiveness.  He gave it and I was able to put this part of my past to rest. In so doing, I opened up the opportunity for someone amazing to show up in my life. Funny how these things work.  

      Again, I promise you if you do the work you will be rewarded!!! It's worth the pain!!!

      Action Step
      First, if you are not here yet, believe that you can be and continue to work through the hard stuff. Second, take the time in the next few weeks to define what "contentment" looks like in your life and write it down. Thirdly, listen to your heart and see if there is anything in you life that is unresolved. If so, make the commitment to yourself to take the steps to resolve it. Start to consciously remove the barriers in your life, by doing so you make the room in your life for great happiness!! Finally, give yourself permission to show the world the real you!!!!

      This is the end of the series if you would like to receive the report in it’s entirety that outlines all 6 steps to dealing with the emotions of divorce you can do so by downloading my free report Be the Navigator: 6 Easy Steps to Getting Back into the Driver’s Seat of Life after divorce; [Link Removed] You will see the sign up box in the upper left hand corner. Enjoy!


      Divorcecoach, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Ladybug wrote Sep 22, 2008
        • Thanks,
          I didn’t think after 20 years my issues were divorce related but this post brings it all home.
          I found that I have had to rid my life of the people who insist on making me who they want me to be. Because, yes, they are uncomfortable with who I am and who I can be. I now have a sign on my wall that says...“Show up everyday as ME and do a good job. Don’t let the boss down or I will suffer and that will make my job harder.”
          It’s my fault for surrounding myself with this type of people but apparently I didn’t attract any other kind through the years. I now struggle with a lot of alone time. Not really a struggle it’s just where I am and it’s not worth letting the negativity close to me. I feel vulnerable but I’m determined to be the me I visualize. I’ll write it down!



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