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  • Grand parent?

    4 posts, 4 voices, 855 views, started May 31, 2010

    Posted on Monday, May 31, 2010 by Wookiemom09

    • Garnett

      when I married my husband 3 years ago, he had 1 still at home and 2 on their own. I have 1 and he is a college student. His daughter married and now had twin sons. We babysit about once a month and I am still trying to find my place within their world with all the grandparents around.  

       The son got back with a former girlfriend who is pregnant from a former boyfriend who is completely out of the picture. Now she has had the baby and her family can’t understand why my husband and I aren’t falling all over ourselves to rush over. They are in their early 20’s and only together 4 months this time. They have broken up and back together so many times in years previous.  I can’t count the text messages and many calls that we get from the son on her family’s interference has kept us out of it. Today really ticked hubby off as he got to hospital and wanted to hold the baby.  Everyone wanted us to be giving praise and offer to take the baby in 2 weeks for overnight as they have a float trip planned.  Hubby told them “welcome to parenthood and looks like you are keeping your butts home“. She is a nursing mother and had to have a C section.  Her mother is moving to MD this weekend as her hubby is Army and stationed there now.  The son sent us a text after we left that he was hoping we would be more grandparentlike!  Then he texted son at home that he thinks it is my influence that is holding  his dad back!  If he only knew that I talk his dad into going to the hospital today as he didn’t want to go and be around the group.  And he is ticked that they want to go out so shortly after the baby gets here after whining to us how broke he is and working 2 part time jobs and still doesn’t have a car.  Then to top it off hubby said “we are sort of grandparents” and that was overheard by her mom so she had to text back after they left to complain “we aren’t taking this situation serious“.  How do we figure this out? Any feedback is really appreciated.

        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Cynthia Schmidt wrote May 31, 2010
        • The whole thing is so convoluted I don’t blame you two for keeping a healthy distance from the situation. Just that they have a history of short term relationship, and the baby is not his - I would be doing the same thing you are. Her parents have no right to dictate to you what “grandparent like” is. And your husband has it right when he says “welcome to parenthood, stay home.” And, you know, whether her mother likes it or not you two are indeed “sort of grandparents.” You haven’t said whether his son and this new mom have gotten married. After only  4 months in this rekindling of their relationship I’d venture that’s “no.” What’s to say that they won’t break up again and your entire family will be out of the picture? I believe your feelings are justified. Being honest about those feelings and sticking to your convictions may not be the popular scenario but they can’t help but have respect for you when all is said and done.

          Best to you in this!

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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Wookiemom09 wrote May 31, 2010
        • they have not married. We also talked him out of putting his name on the birth certificate as they are so immature about their relationship.  Plus if the girlfriend wants to push for child support from the biological dad, she has a leg to stand on.  Plus he isn’t bound at this phase.  My hubby was adopted by his stepdad at 6 years old and knows what it is like to be a child of love and not DNA.  I am just frustrated as I hate this baby to be the pawn in a game she didn’t ask to be part of.  I appreciate your insight.

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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Maryann Rhodey wrote May 31, 2010
        • Cynthia is right and so are you and your husband.  You are doing the right thing.  This is such a sticky situation but her parents have no right to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do.

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