Don't have an account? To participate in discussions consider signing up or signing in
facebook connect
Sign-up, its free! Close [x]

Benefits

  • okay Create lasting relationships with other like minded women.
  • okay Blogging, let your voice be heard!
  • okay Interact with other women through blogs,questions and groups.
  • okay Photo Album, upload your most recent vacation pictures.
  • okay Contests, Free weekly prize drawing.
  • okay Weekly Newsletter.

  • Handling the Grown Son with Special Needs

    12 posts, 8 voices, 1349 views, started Feb 19, 2009

    Posted on Thursday, February 19, 2009 by Owlmaria

    •  



    • Most of you know that I have a son born with Down Syndrome. Daniel is now 28 years old & is self-sufficient, has a job at a workshop, does chores, cooks, does laundry & is able to pretty much take care of himself... To a point, he cannot talk well enough to be understood by any one other myself, my husband & his brother. He functions on the level of a 10 yr. old but has his stubborn “Down” days. He knows what he has & how old he is, so he expects the same privilages his younger brother has.
      I gave birth to him, he is my responseability!!
      I cannot have a job because someone must be here when he get up to go to work in the morning and when he comes home in the afternoon. Why? you ask? Because I can see his clothes he’s laid out the night before but I can also find that he changed his mind and wore short-sleeved shirts during the cold winter and no jacket. He can go outside and stand in the rain or cold instead of staying inside and waiting for the bus to drive up in the driveway.
      At times I feel so frustrated because I feel like I’m still connected by an invisible umbilical. I can’t go anywhere for fear of what I’ll come home to. I know he can take basic care of himself but in the event of an emergency—he wouldn’t know what to do. Oh, we’ve trained him for a variety of situations but unless it’s day after day rote—he just doesn’t understand.
      I have no family or friends that I am able to call on & God love them but my husband & younger son are there to help when they can. Hubby works shift work and son is in his final year at school. After that I expect him to move out and be in another state because of his job.
      Some of you may know how I feel and most of you may not, I feel so alone with these thoughts.
      I cannot be the only mother going through this or am I?
      Thanks for listening, Maria
      P.S. errors are to be blamed on the flu son brought home from work. My guys are “carriers” and I’m the one who always gets sick.  



      •  


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Feb 19, 2009
        • FYI

          [Link Removed]3CFONT20STYLE 22background:23ffff00%22%3E&Post 3C/FONT3E

          [Link Removed]


          Chinadoll, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Feb 19, 2009
        • Owl, don’t mean to be short.  I will be back with more comments.  Right now, I am tired and just want to give this a good kick.



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Angelcart wrote Feb 19, 2009
        • You sound like a very loving and caring mother.  I have not been in your shoes. I have to admit that while raising my son, when he gave me trouble....I had thoughts about mothers who have to deal with a whole lot more on a daily bases.  Honestly, I couldn’t imagine.  I wished I had some encouraging words for you but I’m afraid I don’t.  I feel your son is very blessed to have you for his mom.  There are alot of parents who would not be there for their child as you are.



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Feb 19, 2009
        • Have you checked these out?  Perhaps they have the resources as well as support group.  Sometimes it helps to talk to other who are in the same shoes:

          Down Syndrome Family Alliance of Greenville
          29 North Academy StreetGreenville SC 29601
          864- 282-0167 864-968-0063

          Family Connection of South Carolina, Inc.
          2712 Middleburg Drive, Suite 103-B Columbia SC 29204 803-252-0914 803-799-8017
          Email: [Link Removed]

          Down Syndrome Association of the Lowcountry
          295 Seven Farms Drive, Suite, C190 Daniel Island SC 29492 843-553-DSAL 843-722-996
          Email: DSALowcountry@gmail.com
          [Link Removed]


          Chinadoll, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Feb 19, 2009
        • All I know is you have been a hack of mother and caregiver.  You do need to take good care of not just your physical health, mental as well as other facets.  It is hard to find a right balance and a little bit of each is better than concentrating on just one piece of pie.  

          Like CM said, many organizations are reaching out to hire Special Needs.  I hope Daniel has a good social worker on your care team.  The MD, social worker and you hopefully can work together for your darling Daniel.

          Seek and you shall find... little step at a time.  

          In thoughts and kindness... take care.



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Owlmaria wrote Feb 19, 2009
        • Thanks ladies
          Daniel has a job @ the workshop & receives a paycheck every 2 weeks. It isn’t much but he is so proud when he comes home w/ that check, we go on w/ him about how rich he is & how tired he must be after a hard day @ work, he loves it. I know all about the various organizations, they are helpful while they are young but I get harder the older they get.
          Just some days are harder than others.



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Jomi wrote Feb 20, 2009
        • I wish I could say “I know how you feel“.  But in all honesty I don’t.



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Owlmaria wrote Nov 7, 2009
        • I know this is an old post but with an up-date.....
          My youngest son is now in VA, working and finally living his own life.
          I’m 50 yrs.o. and my oldest will turn 29 in Jan. 2010. This past year my hubby and myself were able to have 3 days alone when we went to the Darlington Races & stayed overnight at a hotel (mainly to save on GAS money) & it was HEAVEN!!
          Finally time to be alone with my husband without having to worry about anything.
          Next year will be different, noone to be with Daniel, we could take him with us but that would defeat the purpose of getting away.
          I used to work part-time while the boys were in HS but haven’t since. Maybe my son is going through another phase but it is trying and we have to watch different things he does or does not do. there isn’t any help here for what I NEED.
          We realize we’ll never be “Empty-Nesters” and only want a little alone time like any other couple.
          These are also part of my blues, but it isn’t my sons’ fault.
          I may not post this
          noone will probably read it or comment anyway.



                Report  Reply



  • Mothers of Grown Children View Group »

    Life on the other side of child rearing