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  • Has anyone gone thourgh Divorce?

    12 posts, 9 voices, 1168 views, started May 10, 2009

    Posted on Sunday, May 10, 2009

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      Carnelian
      Offline

      I am currently going through a divoce.  My husband and I have been seperated for 4 years but still lived in the same house.  This past year I filed for divorce.  My daughter is having a very hard time with it too. After the divorce it is planned that I move in with my boyfriend of 4 years.  She is very familer with him and his family, but she seems to be having a harder time now that the divorce is getting nearer to an end. How did your child handle it?  Do you have any suggestions on how to make things better?



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Vikki Hall wrote May 10, 2009
        • My kids were 2 and 4 when I divorced their father. So I’m not sure I could offer any real help. But as a child of divorce and as an adult that went thru one. It’s hard on kids, they don’t really understand, and may get mixed messages (such as living with your ex) from both parents. Even tho divorce is not about the kids it really is. And so often that is forgotten.
          I truely wish you many blessings because not only will you have your own emotional fallout, but your childs as well. Then there is the fun of blending families. My kids knew my 2nd husband too before we married but it was still difficult. And they were younger when change may be easier. I’m not sure how old your daughter is but if she is in her preteens just keep in mind that she has her own stuff she is going thru (because of age) and your stuff only adds to it.

          Walk softly, be extremely patient, do not involve her in any disagreements, do not force her to call bfriend dad, be compassionate, be open minded.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Vikki Hall wrote May 10, 2009
        • Don’t count on it or him....

          Just plan on a bumpy road and set your expectations low so YOU are better able to deal when you get dissapointed making it easier for you to still parent without upset.  

          Divorce stinks and it’s hard. There is no thing as an amicable one. SOmeone always gets hurt sadly.

          And I had a good divorce...



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Kathryn Krastin wrote May 11, 2009
        • Sounds like a confusing journey; one that has become even more confusing with too many connections made and little disconnections.

          It sounds like things will go much smoother when final ties are finally broken and separated more visibly.

          Best of luck on your journey.

          My daughter, now 21, has seen me go through 2 divorces and 1 death of a husband at varying stages through my lifetime.  Although she still has her moments, she is overall at a very even keel for her life and her new family unit that they have created.

          Give it time.  Be patient.  Give lots of hugs and unconditional love.  Be patient.

          Have hope and faith.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          UK Girl wrote May 11, 2009
        • It’s not easy but you have to keep communication open at all times and never assume the man will say anything ... men don’t talk ......

          You just be there for your children and explain everything



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Carolnphil wrote May 11, 2009
        • My sons were 3 and 5 when I divorced.  Their dad and I had been living apart for months.  He had not been involved with them.  We would have plans for him to pick them up for the weekend, only he wouldn’t show up, so I started taking them on little weekend vacations.  We would sight-see, go fishing, swimming, etc.  I remarried a year later.  My husband raised my boys.  Sometimes they would spend a week with their dad over the summer but it wasn’t enough for any type of bond to occur.  He moved out of state after the divorce.  Now it’s 20 years later and I doubt that he will come to my son’s wedding in July.  It’s been an emotional nightmare for both my sons.  I hope your situation will be better.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Richardson wrote May 11, 2009
        • My daughters were 11 & 7 when their dad and I divorced. It is never easy on the kids for they love both parents and think that their parents will never die or divorce in their young minds, but its up to us the parents to talk to them and let them know and understand 1st and foremost it was not their fault that we (the parents) are ending the marriage. Kids need validation in situations like this, even though my girls were young after talking to them during our divorce proceeding I found they knew more and understood more than I gave them credit for and to be honest I learned a few things from them. But it is so important to talk with them and assure them that both of you still love them and will be a big part of their lives, but the two of you just can’t make it in the marriage any longer. Hopefully they can handle the adjustments and all parties involved including the new mates can help them adjust as well. Good luck.



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          Marie66 wrote May 11, 2009
        • My oldest had just turned 4 and my youngest 1 when I left my ex, when I divorced in‘91 and my oldest went thru so much, he was diagnose with ADHD then. My youngest was a baby so he really doesn’t remember much.
          My ex would come around when he wanted too, little by little he stopped coming around and so did his parents.
          My sons are now 21 and 19 and they DO NOT want anything to do with my ex..I don’t say their dad, because they don’t want anything to do with him, They have a wonderful man in their lives who has been there for the pass 12 yrs and thats who they call DAD. ALWAYS keep that communication open with your daughter and let her know she can come to you when ever and talk about what ever. And just because you and her dad aren’t together doesn’t mean that you two don’t love her.. She is loved no matter the situation.. It will get harder before it gets better, but hang in there..



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Vikki Hall wrote May 11, 2009
        • We are here for you anytime you want to vent your frustrations.....



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