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  • How Long Will I Be Afraid?

    11 posts, 10 voices, 1643 views, started Jun 15, 2011

    Posted on Wednesday, June 15, 2011 by Dori Robinson




    • Aquamarine
      Offline

      I “left” my ex-husband in June, 2010.  It is now June, 2011 and I had hoped I would be more HEALED by now.  Does that sound like an incredibly foolish statement?  I’m in therapy, I’m going to church, I’m taking all the necessary steps to ensure my safety and that of my children...but I am still afraid.  Every single day and even more so at night.  I’m afraid to hear the answer to this question...but will it always be like this?





        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Vikki Hall wrote Jun 15, 2011
        • heart

          I have not been a victim of abuse so I don’t know anything for sure. But I do suspect that time DOES heal all wounds. It may not make you forgive and forget but I believe it will get better.

          heart



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Marya1961 wrote Jun 15, 2011
        • I was never abused in my marriage, but I did suffer abuse as a child from a man that was a “friend” of the family..when my mom found out, it was very troubling for her.

          Yes, time does heal all wounds and always keep yourself and your kids safe.  Go with your gut instinct.  If something bothers you, even the smallest thing, ask for help from someone and know that you are not alone in your fears.  We can talk sometime if you want.

          Maryheart



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Cheekymonkey wrote Jun 15, 2011
        • heart honey, I was abused in my first marriage to the point I thought he would kill me. I think for everyone the healing is different but I’m going to share mine in hopes it will help you.
          I left my x 19 years ago we were together 6 1/2 yrs married 10. The abuse started when I was 8 months pregnant.
          After I left I was so afraid for years. I worried he would find me so I had everything under a family members name. For the first two years I was healing and then he’d find me and the healing and fear would start all over. Although once I left him he never touched me it was the power of ” what if”
          The baggage we carry from this is the most damaging. It changed us for life. I still have baggage that I must control now. Part of it never leaves there is a black spot in my life like a void.
          After about 7 yrs of full on hating him and blaming him I came to realize it was as much my fault as his. No I never asked to be hit, emotionally abused, knife at my throat , stalked or cheated upon but I stayed when I could have walked away before I did.
          Or maybe not maybe that was finally when I could that I’ll never know. But once I realized at some level I had accountability I began to really heal.
          I have been married to my second husband for many loving happy years now we have had a beautiful daughter that is 15 and he has raised my son who is now 26 since he was 7 and they have that father/ son bond.
          I’m no longer afraid and haven’t been for along along time but I still have baggage that rears it’s ugly head from time to time. And it changed me. So for me... And I can only speak for me even though I healed daily when something would set it back I’d have to start all over... And I’m still not healed 100% because if I still hate him fully.
          But I have healed about 99.7 % because I have a happy loving marriage and life.
          So no time tables. Just work on you everyday and that’s the best you can do.
          No time tables I must stress that.
          You took the hardest step your free now learn to live
          Hugs
          Cris



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Cathie Beck wrote Jun 18, 2011
        • Hi Dori,

          I couldn’t say for you, it’s an individual thing related to our own experieces. In my own situation I have to come up with a solution for each problem and try to not let the whole thing run like cheap dye in cloth and get overwhelming. Sometimes figuring out a solution isn’t enough and if I don’t talk about it, it can fester like a deeply embedded splinter. And we‘re here to listen, support and cheer you up. ;oD  

          Cathie



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Marya1961 wrote Jun 20, 2011
        • Just checking in, hope all is well today!happy



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Wendy101 wrote Dec 28, 2012
        • I found gong to a counselor very unsettling for myself.. the more I talked about it the more my stomach got so twisted up in knots that it was literaly making me sick I would vomit after each visit. I knew it was important for the children to relieve counseling so I told my counselor my thouhts that talking about it wasn’t helping me it was making me worse an that I needed to deal with it in my own way at my own pc. I explained that I still wanted to come because of the stress I was under with all the court matter and that I thought it was best that she help me deal with understand all of it and the anxiety I fel with being in the same room a him. We all heal at different rates and in  different ways. Hang in there! I left May 2010



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Richardson wrote Dec 29, 2012
        • Let go and let God, and like Vikki said time does heal all wounds but YOU must receive spiritual healing. God is a healer let him in.



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