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  • I am tired of it!!!

    17 posts, 11 voices, 1051 views, started Jul 21, 2009

    Posted on Tuesday, July 21, 2009 by Sharyn55555

    •  



    • Amethyst
      Offline

      All my life and I am 52, I have cared for others.
      Husbands, children, sisters, brothers.
      I am tired of caring, looking after,nurturing everyone else.
      When do I get a chance to play?
      I am so tired of feeling like everyone elses needs are more important than mine.
      It is who I am. Have been all my life.
      Women of my generation will know what I mean.
      I am just so tired full stop.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Lazylola wrote Jul 21, 2009
        • We as women, and most importantly as mothers need to remember to take that first breath. You know like when you are on an airplane and they give you the pre-flight instructions concerning the oxygen masks. Use it on yourself and then your child. We have to take care of ourselves before we can care for others. Start doing less for others, eventually they will figure out how to do it for themselves.  

          If it is an instructional chore, I gather my boys and show them how it is done (or how I want it done) I tell them watch, pay attention, if you need a reminder I will remind you but you have to learn to do it for yourselves. My boys are 14 and 12, they do their own laundry, they iron their clothes if they care how they look, they clean their room, they do dishes, (I don’t do dishes - ever, I dirty them when I cook for them, so if they want me to cook and feed them then the least they can do is wash dishes) I also had to take care of a husband, I was his alarm clock, until the day I said no more. You just need to get to that place where “No more” is your motto. You can do it, you are still young and you can still go and do things, so I wish you luck, and if you need cheerleaders I’m in!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Mz. Queen wrote Jul 21, 2009
        • I believe it. If you‘re tired, lifeless and burnt out you are no good to anyone. If you break down there’s a slim chance that someone in the house can rescue you. Nurturers have to nurture themselves sooner than later. Take care dear friend.

          donna aka 47ntiredorunnin



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Tammy Slater-Kendrick wrote Jul 21, 2009
        • Sharyn, it sounds like it’s time for the caregiver to focus some of that nurturing inward. You deserve to take better care of yourself than you do others. Let your family know that you‘re going to start putting your own needs before theirs before you completely burnout and are useless to everyone. If you could spend just an hour every day doing something just for you - what would it be?

          Tammy
          [Link Removed]


          Tensdiet, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Sharyn55555 wrote Jul 21, 2009
        • I know the reality of looking after myself but for me it has just dawned on me lately how I have spent my whole life looking after people. And I would have to say for the majority of that time, they have not really appreciated my efforts. I want to be the ‘good’ wife and the ‘good’ mother and I suppose I have always thought to qualify for that ‘good’ status I should put my family first. I am really fed up at the moment and could easily walk away from my husband and two teenagers - older children have left home. My family demands are draining the life blood out of me. Go to bed tired - get up tired. Thats my life. Sorry, just having a whinge. And I know only I can change things now but I regret so much that I did not wake up to this a long time ago. Its the regret thats eating me at the moment.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Lazylola wrote Jul 21, 2009
        • Sharyn don’t beat yourself up, you can still reclaim your life. People take advantage of us as long as we let them. I have been guilty of that too many times. My aunt used to tell me “It is you that teaches people how you want to be treated“. There is truth to that. I’m still working on myself I am by no means there, but I do not let my kids take me for granted. I am a single mother and they understand the sacrifices I have to make, whether it is missing out on things they would like to do or things I’d love to do for myself. I want them to learn that running the house it not just mom’s job, but theirs as well. I work hard for what we have and I expect them to take care of our things.  

          Let it out here, there are many of us here that have been/are in your shoes, we can relate, we can listen, offer encouragement. I’m sure you are a good mother and a good wife, but sometimes those unatainable standards we set for ourselves are our downfall.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Vikki Hall wrote Jul 23, 2009
        • Sharyn all of the above is great advice.

          As a former employer of mainly women I would sometimes be put into a situation with them that caused me to ask this

          “If something happened to you who then would be left to take care of(     )?

          If you are anything like me then chances are NO ONE can take care of (   ) as well as you can. So you need to sit back, reflect on possible changes that will allow you to still feel like you are giving quality care yet able to tend to your own needs.

          It’s pretty well known in my house that if I am not taken care of then it will be pretty hard for me to give care in return. This is just one more way that we teach our children how to be givers vs takers in this world.

          Many Blessings!



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          Tammy Slater-Kendrick wrote Jul 23, 2009
        • I love Vikki’s question - it’s a great one to ask ourselves. Many years ago (more than 20 now), I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. I went from running the household and taking care of EVERYTHING to not being able to do anything for several weeks following my surgery. My kids were pretty small, but my then 6-year-old (who’s now 30) did her part and my hubby really stepped up to the plate. It taught me that they can do for themselves if they don’t have me doing it for them. After that, she continued to help with housework and became invaluable to me years later when I got divorced. She has also become a wonderful housekeeper now that she’s on her own.

          So, here’s a “sneaky” suggestion for you. Can you at least pretend that something is wrong with you for a few days or a week? Maybe that you threw your back out or something like that? Put yourself on bed rest for a couple of days and have them take care of you as well as themselves for a bit? It might be the catalyst that helps you start changing things. Since you‘re currently at your wit’s end, it’s not that far of a stretch that you really AREN‘T in a position to do everything for everyone right now.

          I know, I know...really dishonest and sneaky. But it might help.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Cynthia Schmidt wrote Jul 23, 2009
        • It’s good that you can come here and write down how you feel. That’s the first step. Expressing yourself in a safe and caring environment such as this is perfect. You’ve cleared away one of the barriers in making positive changes.

          Thank you for sharing yourself with us.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Jul 23, 2009
        • Sharyn55555, high five from me... join the club.  I am feeling the same. frown



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Sharyn55555 wrote Jul 23, 2009
        • Thank you all for your thoughts & advice.
          I suppose I am regreting a mindset that has been with me all my life.
          That us women have to always care for everyone else first. I grew up in a dsyfunctional family where because my parents could not care for the family (alcohol & mental illness) it fell (rather dropped on me like a ton of bricks) upon me to be the caregiver to my siblings, then a husband, then children & now a second husband with two teenagers living at home.
          So thank you all for listening and I am finally realising it is not too late for a lot of things in my life to change. God bless you all.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Vikki Hall wrote Jul 23, 2009
        • I don’t think you should regret your mindset. Maybe it’s just time to add to your mindset.... that’s all!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Owlmaria wrote Jul 23, 2009
        • We‘re here for you.happy



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Sharyn55555 wrote Jul 24, 2009
        • I actually do regret the mindset.
          I am really annoyed at myself that I believed that I had to put everyone else first, then I came at the end of a long list because that mindset has robbed me of really looking after myself, discovering who exactly I am, of putting my needs, ambitions, desires ahead of everyone elses. That mindset has dictated the course of my life to this point. I felt I was not being a ‘good’ person, a ‘good’ wife etc etc if God forbid I actually thought of myself first. I have lived my entire life by that mindset and if on the rare occasion I did put my needs first, then I spent considerable time beating myself up for being a ‘selfish person’ - not a good mother etc etc.
          So yes, I do regret that mindset but today is a new day - maybe I can learn to think of myself and my needs before everyone else who is in my life and not beat myself up for being ‘selfish’ when I do.



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          Tammy Slater-Kendrick wrote Jul 27, 2009
        • Since you are so “other” centered, would it help if you started thinking of taking care of yourself first as a way of taking better care of others? After all these years of thinking that it is your responsibility to take care of everyone else and that thinking of your needs is “selfish,” you‘re going to need to ease into this new mindset. By thinking that you‘re putting you first so you can better care for others, you’ll at least start developing a new habit.



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