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  • i cant believe

    12 posts, 10 voices, 1452 views, started Jul 3, 2009

    Posted on Friday, July 3, 2009 by Tammyjoa

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    • Aquamarine
      Offline

      ok maybe it me. but i have raised these kids for 14 years now they are adults still living at home, well 2 of them anyway. and i have also been raising my brothers girls.. my hubby and i have desided to get a bigger place and the sd who is 19 decides she wants and deservers her own room and does not want to do chores or pay rent.. now let me just say that I do not agree. i have 5 kids living at home 17. 19. 7.8.9.  plus hubby and i.. and her dad thinks well he says he agrees with her but that its whatever i say.. i say we stay in the cramped up place where we live now and she continues to share a room with all three girls instead of just one of them.... i say fuck this and all of them hubby and sk. what makes her think she can have her own room.., she dont clean up her stuff now.. we got into such a big fight and i just dont get it.. i am made to feel like i am wrong and even when i try to talk to dh i still feels that way.its not right and i dont know what to do anymore
      see a few months ago i throw oldest sd out she is 22, she decided to go party instead of bringing b-day cake home for 8 year old  so now hubby is saying to me  you wont be happy till you run all my kids out... well maybe if they acted more their age and pulled their weight around here it would be diff. but its not..they are always right.. i am always the bitch and the lil girls never do anything wrong... what ever. i am sick of hearing that... he needs to find another line to use, cause that one really is old.. thanks for listening i could go on and on..



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Vikki Hall wrote Jul 3, 2009
        • Well I would break it down and start with hubby. Ask him if you 2 are a united team no matter what or are there conditions?
          Once you determine that create some house rules that ALL the children have to abide by.
          Stick to them and don’t make allowances. Hey the 7yr old can sweep, run the vacuum, etc. So the oldest can pitch in too.
          These are the rules I gave my daughter when she was 18:
          On weeknites (when I had to work) she had to be in the house by 1am. If it was going to be later just stay at a friends, work and or go to school FT, help clean the house, and occasionally have dinner with me. Kylie thought I was being too rigid so she decided to move out. Ok so move out!
          Every now and then she complains about how she has no money and I tell her she is welcome back at home but the rules are the same.
          These rules apply to my 20yr old SS and my 22yr ols daughter who just moved back in with me.
          My house My rules My way...not open for discussion and certainly not optional!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Tammyjoa wrote Jul 22, 2009
        • i wish that would have helped but now, i throw out the 19 year old too.. i think hubby hates me i feel like i wanna just crawl in a whole.. why is it that i feel like its my fault when all i was doing is what i thought was right.. why is it.because i am step mom my feelings and options dont count once they are older. why is it THAT THE RUN TO THEIR MOTHER WHO WAS NEVER  EVER THERE FOR THEM GROWIING UP, why is it i am so angry i could just tell them all to do whatever they want, they have been anyway... i cant take it i am fallin apart here..



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          UK Girl wrote Jul 22, 2009
        • Tammyjoa - hold on here a minute - does your life not count for anything?

          Yes it does so tell them buckle up and they can either enjoy the ride or bale out now and that includes hubby ...

          Rules are rules and it’s your home - be firm and don’t let their bitching get you down and tell your hubby to buckle up as well as he needs to join the programme in being a firmer and fairer father and husband to you



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Vikki Hall wrote Jul 22, 2009
        • Did I mention that I am a stepmom? Again my house my rules applies to any and all that lives under my roof.
          Have you talked with your husband and got a clear communication on what he expects of you in the role of stepmom? Ask!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Angelcart wrote Jul 22, 2009
        • Tammy, have you tried a family sit down?  I understand what your going through.  I had a sd living with us and she never listened to me and always went to daddy.  I know how crappy it makes you feel.  We used to argue because when I would give her chores she always did a half a** job.  Hang in there, it’s tough being a “combined” family.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Janet Wooley wrote Jul 22, 2009
        • It is hard being a combined family but as an adult paying bills for SD & SS what are you all saying either out loud or not to the kid getting away with things? Living somewhere free of charge & putting down your own rules is not reality anywhere on the PLANET.Obviously hubby forgot that lesson and you are living with the atermath. A child has to be taught responsibility and respect and if they do not comply well out you go and lets just see where you can live like this. You are all just teaching them to be a sponge and disrespectful. If they are full time students they still need to help out around the house and do their part because little eyes are watching. If this continues just think what the 7,8 & 9 year old are gona pull in a few years, use that as your argument “WHAT ARE WE TEACHING THE LITTLE ONES”



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          L J wrote Jul 22, 2009
        • if u and ur husband r not seeing eye to eye on things then u know the kids see it too! and i hate to say it but i went thru the same things as u r going thru now, a yr and 1/2 ago and it ain't pretty!!!!!!
          my hubby's son tried to throw a fit about everything when me and hubby got together and he found out we were getting married and buying a place together!!
          he knew that he had control over the house they lived in together but he also knew he would have rules to go by when we moved into a place together and he started to show his ass literally like a 5 yr old, and he was 24 yrs old!
          i took it as long as i could and finally i had to stop him in his tracks and it caused a big stink but it is for the best now, because he went running back to his mother's and he will not even look at me wrong now.. but that is fine, because i have a son the same age as him and he does npot talk to me like a dog and i will not tolerate it from anyone else's child either...
          he does not visit, and only calls his dad's phone when he wants something, but whatever!
          if ur hubby is not pulling with u, then it will not work at all!!!

           and the grown kids know it!!!!!!!!!frown



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Owlmaria wrote Jul 22, 2009
        • Ditto.frown



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Vikki Hall wrote Jul 22, 2009
        • Tammy I know it seems like we may not truly understand your situation but we do. It sounds like most of us have been there before and we are telling you these things from experience.
          You have tons of choices on what you can do. You just need to decide what kind of life you want, find out if your hubz is invested in the same life, then take steps to fulfill it.

          If he’s not invested in the same life you want then you have some decisions to make. And I am guessing that 1 of them would be whether you want to continue your marriage.

          Maybe now’s the time to go help your mom and leave everything for your hubz to manage. I’m sure his perspective will change.

          xoxo



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Lilwhitedaisy wrote Aug 23, 2009
        • i agree with everything Vikki has said, you need to have the same rules for ALL kids involved, you need to be on the same page with your spouse and if his not prepaired to be then NOTHING is going to change..you will continue this cycle your in. You have to start asking yourself some serious questions.



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