I'm so scared it hurts

I’ve read all the positive posts and the feelings you have shared so, if I may I’d like to add mine. I just hope I can express my feelings / reasons in away that is understandable.
First, I want to express my deep appreciation for all people that enlist and fight for the freedom I enjoy and sometimes take for granted. God,bless you all! ! And thank you.
So,how can I feel this way and still not want son to enlist? ? Because he is my son. I realize that sounds so bad. I can’t help it. I’ve tried. we went through such an ordeal together and I kept him safe and happy for sooo many years he was my reason not to curl up in a ball and stay there. The thought of not seeing him for months, that he’ll change so much I won’t know him and our close bond will disappear, or worse,makes my heart and stomach hurt.
So,many mother’s go through these feelings and don’t fall apart. So, why do I think mine is different? Because sorry to say it’s my son.
I know in my heart this is wrong choice for him and he has alot of opportunitys. If he would apply himself.
I know this is all on my mother’s worry and fear. And I am so scared. How did anyone get pass the denial? This is my only son,and I am proud but I still don’t want him to enlist.
Any advice on how I can get pass this fear and not be filled with dread? I want to be supportive so,if he does enlist this is not the memories he has. I’ve cried everytime he brings it up.
Please help me on this and yes, I do know I’ve made it about my feelings and not about his choice. I’m ashamed of that. .....I just can’t get past it! !