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  • Introductions to divorce

    8 posts, 4 voices, 2172 views, started Apr 26, 2010

    Posted on Monday, April 26, 2010 by Sunshine39

    • Amethyst

      I was just reading through the intros written in 2008 and thought that it would be nice to have some new introductions.  Would also love to hear from some of you who wrote back then. How’s it going?

      I have been married 15 yrs, have 3 children, and am planning to separate within a couple of months.  We’ve been planning it for the last year, just waiting to stabilize our finances and a new job, plus I wanted to wait until our littlest one was ready for kindergarten, which is this fall.  

      Living together in a pretend marriage has been hard, and hiding it from the kids for so long has finally become unbearable.  Am nervous about telling my mother, I don’t know why.  I think I defended him so much in front of everybody else that they will be shocked to hear that, yeah, I’ve been unhappy with him too.

      I’m looking forward to rediscovering myself.  Since we’ve been emotionally separate for a while, I feel like I’ve already started healing and finding myself again.   But it can’t really happen until he’s gone.  He has agreed to leave, so the kids don’t have to move, but I’m worried that he’ll just procrastinate, and then I’ll be left to wait longer or make the move myself, which would complicate things with the kids a lot.

      Anyway, it helps to know that I’m not the only one facing this.  It has been a hard road, with lots of ups and downs.

        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Critcher wrote Apr 26, 2010
        • I don’t understand why you want to wait until your youngest is in kindergarten?
          If you wait until he’s in school that will only make things worst on his part. School and Mom and Dad living apart.
          Don’t take this the wrong way but it sounds like excuses.
          I’m going thru a divorce right now too, but when I went to see my lawyer she said to me, you need to think about this more because you still love your husband. I didn’t really understand what she was saying until we (me and my so to be ex) talked more and I did and still do love my husband but his way he was thinking and the way he talked to me I knew this would never work. There is a lot of reasons why were getting a divorce but once I knew what I needed to do I did it.
          By him staying in the same house as you it’s only going take you longer to get over and get on with your life.
          Don’t worry about what other people think about what you and your husband is going to do. This is your life and your situation not your family or friends. If they don’t understand than they don’t love you the way you think they do. Family and Friend should be behind what you are doing not the fact that your getting a divorce. Finally tell them what’s been going on and I’m sure they will understand.

          Your husband is having his cake and eating it too. Who’s idea was it that he should stay?
          My STB ex is also a procrastinator it’s because of him that were not divorced yet, he likes to stick his head in the sand. I’m not saying that your husband is the same way but  it raises a red flag by what your saying.  

          Put your ducks in order and do something for you and your kids. Why live a lie.

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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Sunshine39 wrote Apr 28, 2010
        • Thnks for your feedback.  Since we don’t ‘hate’ each other, we were trying to stay together for a while to get our finances in order, plus let the kids come close to finishing out the school year.  I was trying to avoid the holidays and their birthdays.  Trust me, it hasn’t been an ideal situation.  I guess we mutually agreed thinking that it would help us in the long run.  Anyway, we plan to separate in June so that the little one can adjust in the summer before starting school.  

          I def understand your note about the procrastinator.  Hope you get some resolution soon.

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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Critcher wrote Apr 28, 2010
        • It sound like your getting your duck in row. With kids it’s hard, I hope you have family or friends that you can count on durning this difficult time in your life. You and your kids are going to need them even more than ever.  

          You know all of us are here if you need to vent, God only knows I’ve done it and it’s helps.

          I’m keeping my finger cross that everything goes how you want it!

          I’ll have to probably take my STB EX to court before anything gets done, but that’s OK I’ll end up on the good side.estatic

          Be Strong and NEVER NEVER NEVER GIVE UP!heartheartheart

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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Sunshine39 wrote Apr 29, 2010
        • Dear Avalon, Wow, 26 years.  That’s a long time to hold out. At some point I said to myself that there has to be more to life than just “hanging in there.”  That’s all we were doing for the last few years, for the kids sake we said, or maybe bc we were afraid to do anything else.  

          You’ve still got a ways to go, so look forward.  Your kids will be glad to see you being happier.  At some point they’ll understand and appreciate what you went through.  And you yourself will be so much happier that you’ll be able to give them a lot more.  Hope things turn around for you soon.

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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Sunshine39 wrote Apr 29, 2010
        • Denise, at least you are living apart.  YOu must feel relieved at that.  Hopefully you‘re able to start feeling better about the situation even tho it’s not final.  I think I’ll feel some (ok, a lot) of relief as soon as we‘re separate. Actually we plan to tell the kids in a couple of weeks, and I hope that will give me some relief.  At least we won’t be hiding it anymore.  Of course I don’t know how hard it will be on the kids.  They are much closer to me than to him.

          So is yours just not signing the papers?  Did you draw up papers as soon as you separated, or did you wait a year?

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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Denise Critcher wrote Apr 29, 2010
        • I was living in NV at the time so there is no “separation time that either one of us had to go thru“. I went to see my lawyer in October and that’s a story in it’s self. My STB ex signed papers in November I signed in December and served him and then he didn’t serve me until January of this year.  We have no pre nup and he has three companies and many homes and has a lot of hidden money. He’s also Narcissistic, we had separate accounts, bank credit card etc. He told me to quit my job 5 years ago because the two of us were making too much money. So I did and return I worked my ass off decorating his homes and not getting any money for it.  

          On top of that he has 4 children from a pervious marriage, 3 girls and 1 son (who has a lot of angry issues and wants to be in control of everybody including his own father, but can’t see it.) The ex put everyone in front of me and I became the maid, gardener, decorator, babysitter while he was out of the home for business and basically became one of his employee’s.  

          Then to put icing on the cake he had an affair and gave me 2 STD’s. That’s what broke the camel back.  

          He’s doesn’t want me to know how much money he really has, that’s why this is taking so long. Because I will end up with half.

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