Don't have an account? To participate in discussions consider signing up or signing in
facebook connect
Sign-up, its free! Close [x]

Benefits

  • okay Create lasting relationships with other like minded women.
  • okay Blogging, let your voice be heard!
  • okay Interact with other women through blogs,questions and groups.
  • okay Photo Album, upload your most recent vacation pictures.
  • okay Contests, Free weekly prize drawing.
  • okay Weekly Newsletter.

  • Is it mid-life crisis ???

    +1
    Love it
    10 posts, 7 voices, 755 views, started May 21, 2009

    Posted on Thursday, May 21, 2009

    •  



    • inactive
      Aquamarine
      Offline

      I need some advice gals please. My hubby and I have been together 21 yrs now. We have been through everything imaginable together.I became permanently disabled 9 yrs ago. My daughter from a previous marriage he raised from when she was 3 till she passed from an auto accident at 19 and had just had a baby ,wich we adopted 3 mo’s later.And we absolutely adore her.

       But anymore he and I cant seem to get on the same page.He seems very angry anymore with anything I say or do.I’m being told almost everyday now I need to loose weight,even though he’s 6‘8” and 305 lbs. Hes gone out and bought a used 4 wheeler,a little kittycat sno-mobile ( wich he never even told me about) and hid it in the shed from me.I know he loves me and I love him dearly but I just dont understand what is happening. We just had another grandbaby born on sun. evening the same night I was released from the hospital and made me come too,ended up he had to take me back home and then he went back till it was born .Had pictures taken with his ex wife and him holding the baby then told me had I been there I would have been the one getting my pic. taken as a family.I was still very weak and tired and needed to sleep. Can this be a midlife crisis thing hes going though or have we come to the point of no return. I dont know how much more I can handle but at the same time I love him I feel horrible for him that he has to be the one to do most everthing and hurt his back very bad just mowing the yard last week.If I just ask a simple question he snaps at me and treats me like I’m a 5 yr old.I’m afraid to even strike up a conversation. Any advice out there ? Or just needed to vent. I dont have anyone to talk to but my counselor.P.s. please forgive any mis spelling,I wish there was a check on that,lol.Gets pretty bad at times.

      +1
      Love it


      •  




      •         Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          L J wrote May 29, 2009
        • hey memas,

           i have been through what you r going thru and i have alot i would like to say, but really i will only say one thing! the 1st thing is,‘he should not have thrown the statement of, if you were there at the hospital, you would have been in the photo instead!!!’
          i think that was rude and very inconsiderate of him to say to you.. and also he should have more respect for you then to be around his ex, or in the same picture with her while he is married to you and knowing that you were not able to be there...
          i don’t believe it is a mid life thing that he is going through, i believe if he does love you he would be at least a little more considerate of your health problems and your feelings...
          if the shoe were on his foot instead of yours how do you think he would feel...
          in his eyes you would be wrong...



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Mztracy wrote May 29, 2009
        • Hi memas!
          Not sure what your disability is, but i do understand what you are going through.
          I am also disabled, and in the beginning it was tough. My hubz was very angry. Not at me, but at what the disease had done to the family as a whole.

          It took me sometime to realize that I am the one with the disease, but my family is also affected by it in every way.  

          He said some hurtful things as well. We finally sat down and talked about it, the changes, the kids.

          When i got sick our twin girls were 1 and our son was 2.5. It is now 12 years later. We still have times where it gets tough.  

          I find, for us, sometimes my disability is harder on my family. I have learned that frustration and anger due to my disease is the root of the issues that happen here.  

          Talk to him about his feelings etc. My hubby was pissed that he could not help or heal me, that was where his anger came from!!



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Frannie1964 wrote May 29, 2009
        • Hello Memas,

          Sorry to hear what your going thru, I don’t think anyone can really understand men just as men don’t really get us women. But I’m thinking hes going thru some stress at the moment and Is just not sure how to handle It. Does he have men friends he can talk to? we all need someone to talk to when we cannot talk to our spouse or other half about certain things and It usaually helps to just be able to vent to a friend, maybe he needs to vent, and then again, he should talk to you also and tell you what hes feeling and then you two can get It all out.  I’m not saying It’s ok for him to treat you the way he Is. I hope things get better for the both of you.. (((( Hugz ))))



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Mztracy wrote May 30, 2009
        • memas, if ya ever need to just vent feel free to pm me anytime!!



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          L J wrote May 30, 2009
        • hey memas,
          i read your reply this morning.
          i feel for you and i know what you r going through.
          i got hurt last yr around this same time at work. everything that i did on a normal daily basis, went on my hubby’s back. needless to say, he could not handle it and he started venting his anger on me.. snide remarks and just little things he would through up really hurt deep. i tried to talk to him and make him realize that i did the same daily routine before i got hurt and that i was really sorry, but that i had never complained when i had to naturally do the same things. men r different than women and when you fall down some men understand better than others. i will never forget how he reacted and it is stuffed way down deep. i had just got married to him about 4 months before i got hurt and i know he wishes he never married me but oh, well....
          you’ve gotta friend if u need one that really understands, email me anytime, linda



                Report  Reply


        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Mztracy wrote May 30, 2009
        • Linda, I am so sorry for what you are going through.
          You are right some men do  understand better than others.

          It has taken a long time to deal with my being in  a wheelchair and all that comes with my MS. In the beginning he turned to drugs. It was hell.

          I am here, for you, as well anytime!!



                Report  Reply



  • Women Helping Women Understand Men (Married And Unmarried) View Group »

    The “Other” Sex And Why They Do The Things They Do.