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  • Just a different culture

    28 posts, 9 voices, 658 views, started Jan 2, 2009

    Posted on Friday, January 2, 2009 by Psalmist

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    • Garnett
      Offline

      I’ve been finding myself opening up more and more, and this has led to some really enlightening discussions, both here and with others.  I mentioned the involvement with this group and it’s association with Louisa’s case and just got a flood of interest and sympathies, but I also learned something a little disturbing.  

      I specifically spoke with two young male co-workers about their feelings regarding domestic violence and one couldn’t wait to tell me his experience the night before.  He had taken a taxi home and had struck up a conversation with the cabbie who happened to be from one of the African nations (my mind went blank on the name) and they began to talk about this very case.  The shocker was the cabbie’s reaction.  He was actually angry at the rest of the family for calling the police.  My co-worker said that the cabbie was wondering why American women call the police on their husbands when they hit them????

      Okay, if you haven’t already guessed, I’m a talker, and very little renders me speechless...this did.  I just sat there in dumbfounded shock.  Then when my mind got going again, I had to remind myself, before I spoke, that this gentleman was from a different country and was used to an entirely different way of life.  Sure, my co-worker could have jumped down his throat and condemned him on the spot, but what good would that have done?  Both men have their own background and upbringing and are products of such, and arguing something that is “normal” to the other person is not going to accomplish much.  

      I was actually proud of him (he’s like my son) for just listening and voicing the differences in the American culture as far as domestic violence goes.  I don’t think the cabbie was convinced, but at least my boy got him thinking!

      Just wanted to pass this on and continue to raise awareness.



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          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Jan 2, 2009
        • Similar to Chinese culture.  If they physical harm their children, their attitude is “This ain’t your business.”  US has great movement and accomplishment in human rights.  The other countries are catching up and it’s still far behind, especially third world.  Animals rights are nil.



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          Inakika wrote Jan 2, 2009
        • This is so interesting! I know in a lot of cultures, women are collateral. We just don’t matter. I’ve dated African men in the past and have noticed that their ideals of American women is quite different then those of native African women. I liken it to the “machismo” of some Latin countries.



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          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Jan 2, 2009
        • Teeky, though this is a serious subject, you still able to make me laugh out loud and roll on the ground!



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          Inakika wrote Jan 2, 2009
        • LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!! Teeky! Or how about Swing Lowwwwww, Sweet Chariotttt...!



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          Psalmist wrote Jan 2, 2009
        • oh trust me teek, i’m glad it was my co-worker and not me talking to that cabbie, ‘cause like y‘all have already said, he would have been singing a seriously different tune, something in the soprano range when i got done with him!!!!  so GOD knows what He’s doin’ by putting certain people in certain paths, and keeping certain people out of other paths!!!



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          Psalmist wrote Jan 2, 2009
        • ah lori, do we need to teach you a lesson in anatomy honey?  making a man a soprano does not involve beating him on the HEAD...estaticestaticestaticestaticestaticestaticestaticestatic

          sorry, couldn’t resistestaticestaticestatic  okay, now i’m off to bed for real.  night all!



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          Linni wrote Jan 2, 2009
        • lol.. he just needs a lesson  ” lorraina bobbit ” style! LOL  

          men like that really tick me off.. they don’t wanna make this LITHUANIAN mad! lol



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          Holdonloosely wrote Jan 3, 2009
        • Teeky, you just broke my heart, I can’t believe you had to witness such violence. I escaped from my house, with a gun in my pocket. I made the decision not to pull the trigger, cause he was holding my son in one arm, with the other arm around my daughter. I didn’t want to leave them with that memory and I didn’t want to take the chance of missing if I shot him. So I only grabbed my daughter and ran. I just prayed to God he wouldn’t hurt my son, which I believed he won’t. I knew I couldn’t get them both, and I was not leaving my girl. The police went back in for my son and he was unharmed, so I was right. If I were to go back and do it again, I would have shot him dead. Even in this country were the laws are on our side, they still aren’t totally! Sorry, had to vent!

          Anyway, here is a link about Women’s Rights in Africa. Interesting reading.  

          [Link Removed]


          Holdonloosely, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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          Karyn Olson wrote Jan 3, 2009
        • One thing that comes to mind with me is that for many years now our society has been run by men...and men are the ones who laid down the rules and made the laws...it has only been in recent years that the women have really begun to stand up and speak out...especially concerning women’s rights and domestic violence...
          It’s only been the last decade or so that zero tolerance has been enacted in most of the provinces here in Canada...prior to that there was no such thing....a woman could be standing there in front of the police....beaten down...bloody and injured and they wouldn’t do a darn thing...maybe issue a warning and leave...too many women have died because of this...now zero tolerance means...if the police suspect one ounce of DV they are under law to charge the perpetrator...no matter what...



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          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Jan 3, 2009
        • That’s a good label “Zero Tolerance to Domestic Violence”



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          Psalmist wrote Jan 3, 2009
        • ditto CD.  

          I spoke with my co-worker today and the cabbie was from Mali.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Holdonloosely wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • Karyno in the US, they don’t prosecute if DV is suspected just once all the time. In some states, once the original complaint comes in, the police are supposed to act and the courts prosecute w/ or w/o the wife or victim. However in other states, my state included, if the victim does not press charges, the police just go away. Even after you make a formal complaint at the police station, you have to go and file a formal complaint with the courts. The first complaint, you call the police, and if you have a Protection Order, they are supposed to arrest them. This does not happen many times. The first PO is good for 7 days until you have to go to court again. This is when you face the abuser, and in the same room you sit while you wait for you case to come up. It’s just the two of you and lawyers and a judge. Judge decides if you are in danger and grants a permanant PO, however, when I went through this, that was only for a year, now I think it’s 1 - 1/2 yrs. If I wasn’t married to him and/or sleeping with him - I could actually go another way and get a 2 yr PO. Yes... crazy! Now if he breaks the PO, he is supposed to go to jail. This doesn’t happen either. My ex stalked me, even sat across the street in his car and the police said he was within distance and had every right.  

          This is what finally made it better for me. I learned the laws in my state/city and started to write everything down. All little things even. I wrote down badge numbers, names, times, etc. I called everyone I could think of and was even able to have a person from Women’s Law Project to come to court to help me through it. I had to school these cops to do their job right. I actually had a cop say he was sorry, he never handled a DV case before and he didn’t know all the laws.  

          Thanks for letting me be long winded estatic



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          Psalmist wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • CD, Mali is in western Africa



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          Psalmist wrote Jan 4, 2009
        • holdonloosly, BRAVA!!!  you’ve educated some of us and given us yet more weaponry for our arsenal.  i used to speak with young ladies about this topic and the looks some of them would give me broke my heart because i recognized some of those looks.  they were the faces of a child trapped in an abusive situation but “helpless” to do anything about it.  now that i have your additional instructions, i’ll do my research and add them to the instructions i talk about so that those babies don’t feel quite so helpless.



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