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  • Just because you are a girl does not mean you are one of the girls ..does it?

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    10 posts, 10 voices, 1218 views, started Aug 19, 2009

    Posted on Wednesday, August 19, 2009 by Lilchile

    •  



    • Amethyst
      Offline

      I have a couple friends that we have been pals for over 10 years.  We have such a great time together. Recently one of the friends has come out that she is gay.  So some dynamics have changed.  Oh not with our friendship we are all as close as we were.  One change that we are struggling with is...now when we say girls trip, girls night, this seems to automatically include my friends “girlfriend“..I feel that no matter what ...gay or straight, once you bring along the person you sleep with ..everything changes!!!  The jokes are different, my friend is having to spend so much time making sure her “girlfriend” is ok that we end up not having the same laughs we use to have.  A few of us dread it if her other 1/2 comes along.  I think it puts my friend in a tough spot because her girl just wants to do everything with her.  I tried to point out that if it was a man we would not have it!!!....but she says there is a difference.  So the question is..Is the girlfriend really one of “the girls” just because she is a girl????  Does anyone get me on this?

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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Robinesque wrote Aug 20, 2009
        • I get you.

          Good point about if she were a man & bringing along the one you sleep with.  I mean, we all need a break from BOTH of those, even your friend.  Since her girlfriend wants to do everything with her, and she wants to be with you guys( but sounds like she has to “drag” her along), maybe you should point that out more & encourage them to spend more time together, alone.happy



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          UK Girl wrote Aug 20, 2009
        • Yes, as it’s just the same as the girl friend who always has her boyfriend join them ...

          it does change and yes there are some people in relationships where the partner male or female is always wanting attention and it makes it harder for the other friends ....



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Lazylola wrote Aug 20, 2009
        • I agree with UK and Robinesque, I get the impression that perhaps the girlfriend is insecure and needs constant reassuring.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Mztracy wrote Aug 20, 2009
        • do you all bring your SO’s?
          If not, then her SO should stay home as well.
          IMHO



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Feathermaye wrote Aug 20, 2009
        • Maybe you can expand your get-together to occasionally include ALL partners, while suggesting that your original ‘girls’ nights out only include the original group.

          There may be a certain level of discomfort on the part of any one of the spouses when mixed in this crowd, or there may not be. But I believe that the core group should remain as is, in honor of the friendship and tradition y‘all have worked so hard to establish and maintain.

          Partners come and go, but friends are forever!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Wittymom wrote Aug 20, 2009
        • Girls night should be just that. It’s not couples night regardless of the makeup of the couple.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Lilchile wrote Aug 20, 2009
        • I am so glad to see that I am not alone here in my thinking!!  I think what I am going to do is simply change the name of our special nights to ...“The No Significant Other” night out or weekend trip!  All of you are right..a couple is a couple and one thing I have learned since my friends coming out is...every relationship is work..no matter a man or a woman, they go through the same thing I may go through with a boyfriend so on those “girl” nights it is our time to talk, vent, and with her other half there she can’t really let her hair down.  We are having lunch tomorrow, I am going to bring it up....after a glass of wine of course :)

          I am new to the site...I have to say this was a great welcome ...Thanks for taking the time to reply!!!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Msj wrote Feb 12, 2010
        • the no S/O  night! that is great!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Nathalie Girard wrote Feb 13, 2010
        • I get you too.

          I think msj has a great idea. Instead of calling it the girls night out, call it the no S/O night out. That solves partly the problem.  

          good luck! happy



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