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  • Kids moving back home

    5 posts, 5 voices, 1269 views, started Oct 1, 2008

    Posted on Wednesday, October 1, 2008 by Molly Rosen

    •  



    • Amethyst
      Offline

      My 22-year-old son recently moved back home “just for a short time.”  Wouldn’t be such a big deal I guess, except that he has a girlfriend who has two little kids (2 and almost-4) who came with as well.  My house is chaos.  It has been two months and I tried to kick them out by Oct. 1 (today) but they begged for one more month.  I gave them “just one more” month.  But I can hardly stand to be at home anymore.  I haven’t charged them one thin dime for being there because I wanted them to use their money to get back on their feet again (and not delay that process), but so far they haven’t saved one of those thin dimes I’m not charging them.  So if they are not out by Nov. 1, I am going to have to throw them in the street—I can’t be the chump anymore—as much as I hate to be like that.  I feel forced into that situation!  

      Plus, I have another child (14) who’s had to stay at her dad’s because there’s nowhere for her to be at my house with all those others there (and plus she doesn’t want to be there with them there anyway).  It was originally supposed to be 2 weeks, which was OK, but this is getting ridiculous.  I want my daughter to be able to come back home.

      I just needed to vent... thanks for reading.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Inakika wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • Girl,
          I know it’s tough, but damn, he came home with baggage!! I can see giving HIM a place to stay, but he brought his girlfriend and HER kids with him!
          I am one to talk, seeing that my sons are still home, but your situation is a bit different then mine. Your daughter has been displaced due to the current situation, not fair to her.
          San, you are really going to have to mean what you say about one more month. Where exactly is their money going when they are not even paying you? Maybe that is why they are in this predicament in the first place, poor money management.
          As much as we love our kids, we can not always be there to save them. There comes a point in time when we must allow them to stumble a bit. Dosen’t make us a bad parent. Didn’t we have to eventually fend for ourselves?
          We have got to be more like the mama cat, she weans her babies and keeps moving. Because eventually we go from helping to enabling and that becomes a whole other vicious cycle. Damn!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Mksactown wrote Oct 1, 2008
        • I know how it feels. My 24 year old moved back in over a year ago and has YET to put money away.  

          He was suppose to move in, get a job out here in Sac (he currently drives about 3 hours a day to & from work), and instead of paying rent, I was to get money from him each month to put away so he can move out and have a deposit for an apartment etc.(he has no rent or bills except a car payment, car insurance and cell phone). He makes pretty good money too. He is a Tile Worker. So he can definitely afford to give me money to put away.

          Well,he moved in..or should I say..his STUFF moved in. We gave him his own room, WHICH by the way was our gym..but now our gym is the family room. He is NEVER home. He goes and stays at his friends house in Martinez like every night. So basically, we are here for his stuff and his convenience. Oh yeah, and he does come home every now and then to do his laundry, eat, spend the night and then leave again.  

          Well my husband and I had a talk with him and told him either give us money or move out. Well his friend that he stays with wants him to move in with him and pay rent etc. So he may be doing that. I think he just likes the idea of living rent free and spending his money on whatever he wants...NO WAY, REALLY?? LOL..

          Don’t get me wrong. Travis is a GREAT kid. He works hard and stays out of trouble and doesn’t drink like the rest of his friends (He’s the designated driver) but he has to get out and grow up...PERIOD. And it’s not like I’m throwing him out in the street. He has friends that he can move in with.....so...it is time.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Farmmom wrote Jan 25, 2009
        • Sounds like a tough situation.  Nobody wants to see their kids out on the street, but you don’t need to be a doormat for them either.  If you are hesitant about throwing them out cold, try sitting down with them and coming up with a reasonable plan that will work for everyone.  Rules, limits, timelines and expectations should be written down so that they are clear to everyone involved.  It’s time for that little birdie to leave the nest... and take his flock with him!



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Mz. Queen wrote Sep 27, 2009
        • I’m speechless. My daughter currently lives with me and we pay bills accordingly. Are pay days alternate between Fridays and we write our bills down in notebooks. Split filling up the gas tank etc...  

          The oldest son never came back to the nest, but he does come by often to visit.



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