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  • Learning to Live

    13 posts, 6 voices, 573 views, started Jan 1, 2009

    Posted on Thursday, January 1, 2009

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    • inactive
      Carnelian
      Offline

      This is copied from my new blog I’ve started (Thanks Tori, you probably don’t know this, but YOU brought me here).  

      Learning to Live

      Every case, every victim, every abuser is different. For all the good works that have been done by agencies and coalitions to stop the violence, there are those occasions where the “facts” hamper recognizing the truth. The facts are all too real and accurate. The cycle is all too real and accurate. However, you can’t read it literally. No one puts out information about abuse, including me, meaning it to be taken as the only picture.

      For example, looking back now 20 years removed, I can see the cycle playing out in my relationship. Back then had I even known about the cycle, I wouldn’t have been able to apply it to my life. Therein lies the danger. You have to be able to recognize that what is happening to you is not right.

      My abuse occured long before it became a cause. No one really “stuck their nose” in other people’s business. Fortunately for me, I worked at AT&T. Being such a large company, they were always involved in something.  

      I remember it as clearly this day as if I saw it again. It was late fall 1986. I had just gotten back to work after being in the hospital with a concussion to my forehead. My friends were trying to talk me into leaving, but I was too afraid. I knew that would be a defining moment. I walked into the restroom to find a new poster on the wall. I was drawn to it because it actually opened up like a card. The front showed a bouquet of roses on a black background, with only the words of the caption “He always sends her flowers“. When you opened it, it folded out on both sides to reveal a mahongany casket with a beautiful rose spray on top, with the caption “Just this time, it will be the last time“. That probably $20 poster changed my life.

      For those of us who escape with our lives, moving on is difficult. That’s generally because it is hard to move on when you no longer know who or where you are.

      It is entirely too easy to fall right back into the same trap, be it with someone new or the same old abuser. What is truly strange, is that sometimes you become your own abuser. Beating yourself up for getting into the situation, believing that it happened because you were too stupid to stop it. None of which, by the way, is true.

      So what you do, is reach out. Find us. We are here to help you, to stand by you, to support you, to be honest with you, to be your sister. We are here.



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          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Jan 1, 2009
        • I have been communicating with BJ, Louisa’s mother.  She asked me to put a blog for her which I did last night, after 30 mins, the system kicked me out and I could not retrieve.  I will try again later.

          Basically she said she had a lot of emails and she had many obligations as well as taking care of elderly + the 2 girls.  She cannot reply individually and she has her own website to keep progress or make announcement.  I will post that link for later.



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          UK Girl wrote Jan 1, 2009
        • Honey this is such a powerful piece - I’ve been out all day with friends. I came home to a message on my home phone from a friend who comes from my home town and lives in London and she is coming over tonight as she has left her hubby she can’t take any more crap off him !

          I’m going to try and get her to join Fab 40 tonight and get some support.



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Jan 1, 2009
        • From BJ: Louisa’s mother:  

          As you can well imagine- I have little time to spend online I am caring for both daughters Dee with late stage Cancer and Lou in Critical Condition in the Hospital.  ( CD: she also takes care of her parents both in their 80s )  

          What little time I do have I write the newsletter and the blog or host the radio show 2 nights to update everyone on where we hope to go on women issues – my daughter's health or where we stand on Louisa's Law.

          I can use all the lady soldiers I can get – please join us – we are PUMA's= People United means Action + My free Us Now  = FUN = Females United Nationwide

          Please subscribe to the newsletter here:  

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          Radio shows Monday 8 and Tues 9 PM Eastern.

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          Call-in Number: (347) 838–8011

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          Bettyjean Kling M.S, M.Ed

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          Chinadoll, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Jan 1, 2009
        • Copied from BJ’s website:

          For the first time in my life I am not so sure I am proud to be an American today.

          I was sitting here at my computer having just come home from the hospital after hearing news that my daughter may never come out of her coma. I have been crying all the day long and I have no place to put these tears or this fury and as I sit here trying to make sense of it all. I read blog after blog and life is going on for others and it is politics as usual and my heart screams "what about Louisa?" Two weeks ago the blogs were full of her story and everyone was all about what could we do to stop this violence against women. Not just for Louisa and not just for Denise but for all women. Last night I posted 4 stories from one small county about violence against women.  I got one friggen comment, granted it's a holiday- but it is no holiday for the abused and dying - trust me - we do not have a day to waste not a minute.

          As I searched the blogs to see who else is writing about violence against women instead of the damned birth certificate that will never yield a damned change in Obama's presidency, and searched the blogs to see who else is writing more about how to stop violence in the media and/or advertising instead of more about why we should not have funded the already funded bailout. I did manage to find one blog [Link Removed] And the Number One Sexist Ad of 2008 Is. . .  

          [Link Removed] 


          Chinadoll, Your links have been removed, please consider upgrading to premium membership.



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          (華娃娃) ChinaDoll wrote Jan 2, 2009
        • I have sent a private message to BJ and asked if she needs help.  She has not replied yet.  I am thinking perhaps she can use some donations towards her action against DV or we can donate to the organization of PUMA.  I’d like to see it done collectively, even $1 here and there.  Stay put.happy



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        • 0 votes vote up vote up

          Maria Louise Van Deuson wrote Jan 2, 2009
        • Thank you for this! My grandma was abused. My mom was abused. I was abused starting in childhood by my mother’s boyfriend). I broke the cycle of abuse, but it wasn’t easy.

          WE do NEED to stand together, and support each other whenever there is a need for any one of us for support. We all falter, and we can derive tremendous strength from helping empower each other.

          I love you for this... fighting tears



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